How much space do you have in relation to you family size?

[SusanneT]

Our boys share a room and I don’t think that is a problem at any age.

Ideally I would not want boys and girls sharing and certainly not past say 8-10 years old.

But ultimately it is more important that children are safe, happy and loved than living in luxury !

 

[BoyGenius]

Just curious. Hubby and me just discussed how much space people need for children an parents. Of course, it´s different in china in relation to kanada, and of course it differs with the income. But, in general, to be comfortable, at what age you think children need separate rooms, for example?

As long as your heart is open to the gift of life, family, and children in your home. There’s never a limit

 

[alice24]

Just curious. Hubby and me just discussed how much space people need for children an parents. Of course, it´s different in china in relation to kanada, and of course it differs with the income. But, in general, to be comfortable, at what age you think children need separate rooms, for example?

As long as your heart is open to the gift of life, family, and children in your home. There’s never a limit

Well, this sounds nice, but really, there are limits,. I agree totally that much is a matter of culture and flexibility. But I doubt it´s good for a marriage to have a single small room with many children - in those countries where this is common usually much of the social life happens not at home, and there´s only a small amount of time for intimacy in general. If one is raised like this, ok, but I was not and my husband, too.
With our three rooms / 65 qm ca it feels like luxury right now and I think it will stay like this with a child, but I can´t imagine living with my husband in my former student appartment of 9 qm - as a single couple, ok, but not with children.

 

[alice24]

That´s interesting, thank you! I think the clima aspect is important, yes. We had long months of very cold weather with alot snow for german relations this winter, and we didn´t spent much time outside. We were alot more motivated to make our flat cozy than I was when I had my former student appartment where I lived just everywhere between office, chamber and the botanical garden in the summer
May I ask if your room with your husband still kept some, well, feel of a private space for you as a couple with a little one sleeping there? Or is it useful to make such a relaxing zone in another room during the time when the child sleeps there? I ask because we were are very strict at the moment with keeping this our space, door closed, no workplace things, no computer, etc.

 

[Anicette]

I am a believer roomsharing with baby. BUT

When there is a baby in one family, and more if he sleeps in his parent’s bedroom, there is not a lot of time for intimacy, relaxing or evn douching or eating!

We have other priorities, such as SLEEP and carrying for the baby. And for the other recover from childbirth.
Babies can wake up many times in the night for feeding. It can be exhasuted.

In many families, the father will sometimes or always sleep in an other place, to have enoughspace to rest and be in shape. Fathers will usually go to work more quickly than the mother. And they cannot be zombies all the day without putting their own safety at risk.

If there is achoice to make, a bed of 160cm is better than smaller. Because If 3 persons sleep in it, there is chance that at least one of the parents cannot sleep because of not enough space!

So yes, It can be a good idea to prepare an other room it could be hepfull. When the baby will grow the other room can be use if the parents want to"escape" for intimacy when the baby is sleeping.

And the mother can keep her baby in her bed with enough space and without the risk that the father crush the baby. It will mean more sleep for the mother too.

If the mother and child will have to sleep in an other place, or go through breastfeeding night lying down, it’s better for safety to have the mattress on the floor.

And in never case, the mother have to go on a sofa with baby the night, to preserve the father. It could lead in Sudden Infant death.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

That´s interesting, thank you! I think the clima aspect is important, yes. We had long months of very cold weather with alot snow for german relations this winter, and we didn´t spent much time outside. We were alot more motivated to make our flat cozy than I was when I had my former student appartment where I lived just everywhere between office, chamber and the botanical garden in the summer
May I ask if your room with your husband still kept some, well, feel of a private space for you as a couple with a little one sleeping there? Or is it useful to make such a relaxing zone in another room during the time when the child sleeps there? I ask because we were are very strict at the moment with keeping this our space, door closed, no workplace things, no computer, etc.

When my first was young we’d simply drape a blanket over the pack and play to create a screen. More kids we’re way more flexible…kid will often hang out in the living room while we’re in the bedroom especially for 1:1 time. Rock’n’plays are worth their weight in gold and then some…totally portable and safe.

Kids aren’t like electronics and a sleeping baby is not really that noticeable.

Toddlers on the other hand–

we keep a strict bedtime routine for the kids once they are vocal and mobile. They contribute to the chaos and conversation. Wee babies? Not so much.

The other thing is that while I loved my children early on they are little strangers. It can take considerable effort to get to know them. Quiet times with a spouse are PERFECT moments to build relationships with these strange little people.

 

[pensmama87]

When there is a baby in one family, and more if he sleeps in his parent’s bedroom, there is not a lot of time for intimacy, relaxing or evn douching or eating!

Just a note on English usage: we would say “showering” instead of “douching,” which means something very, very different.

 

[Anicette]

oh Sorry!

Thanks!

It’s the google translate…

Yes, I find something different …

 

[alice24]

When my first was young we’d simply drape a blanket over the pack and play to create a screen. More kids we’re way more flexible…kid will often hang out in the living room while we’re in the bedroom especially for 1:1 time. Rock’n’plays are worth their weight in gold and then some…totally portable and safe.

Kids aren’t like electronics and a sleeping baby is not really that noticeable.

I think I need to start to feel comfortable with that thought - not very easy This was really one thing I never spent a thought on, and now I seriously asked myself for how longe I will have to say goodbye to private space

 

[alice24]

When there is a baby in one family, and more if he sleeps in his parent’s bedroom, there is not a lot of time for intimacy, relaxing or evn douching or eating!

We have other priorities, such as SLEEP and carrying for the baby. And for the other recover from childbirth.

Babies can wake up many times in the night for feeding. It can be exhasuted.

In many families, the father will sometimes or always sleep in an other place, to have enoughspace to rest and be in shape. Fathers will usually go to work more quickly than the mother. And they cannot be zombies all the day without putting their own safety at risk.

If there is achoice to make, a bed of 160cm is better than smaller. Because If 3 persons sleep in it, there is chance that at least one of the parents cannot sleep because of not enough space!

So yes, It can be a good idea to prepare an other room it could be hepfull. When the baby will grow the other room can be use if the parents want to"escape" for intimacy when the baby is sleeping.

I don´t count on much private time in the first weeks or even interest in getting private, no It was more the question in the following months, until the child is able to sleep in the separate room. I can´t really imagine not having intimater relations for such a long time. I mean, if it´s necessary, of course we will bear this, but it shouldn´t be caused by room issues:relaxed:
We have our third room at the moment for guests, with a big sofa. For the first time I will leave the sofa in it so its suitable as second sleeping room/later child´s room.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I think I need to start to feel comfortable with that thought - not very easy This was really one thing I never spent a thought on, and now I seriously asked myself for how longe I will have to say goodbye to private space

Honestly, it’s not the babies you have to worry about. It’s toddlers. They can be playing with their favorite toy, with Daddy and oblivious to anything else going on…but try and pee alone…

…it does get better.

Both hubby and I are introverts. We both need kid-free time, but not even like we need time away from our own siblings. Your own kids are just…different. I don’t really mind them around like I do even the best of my friends.

 

[Xantippe]

With our three rooms / 65 qm ca it feels like luxury right now and I think it will stay like this with a child, but I can´t imagine living with my husband in my former student appartment of 9 qm - as a single couple, ok, but not with children.

Husband and I lived briefly in a studio apartment after we got married: small bedroom (which was also dining room and office), small bath, very small kitchen (I believe only one person could fit in there).

It was not really feasible for two people from our cultural background to live there long-term. It was an enormous relief when we moved to a one-bedroom apartment with a balcony and a kitchen you could fit a small table into. So, it was finally possible to go somewhere and have a few minutes privacy in a room other than the bathroom. I’ve heard a similar story from an American friend who lived in a studio apartment with her husband when they were newlyweds.

If even two newlyweds find a studio apartment claustrophobic, I have no doubt that the same applies to families in larger spaces.

(Of course, climate and access to the outdoors makes a difference.)

 

[Xantippe]

May I ask if your room with your husband still kept some, well, feel of a private space for you as a couple with a little one sleeping there? Or is it useful to make such a relaxing zone in another room during the time when the child sleeps there? I ask because we were are very strict at the moment with keeping this our space, door closed, no workplace things, no computer, etc.

We (sadly) have a bunch of office stuff in our master bedroom and if I had my druthers, it wouldn’t be there.

It’s not ideal, but it’s also not impossible.

In many families, the father will sometimes or always sleep in an other place, to have enoughspace to rest and be in shape. Fathers will usually go to work more quickly than the mother. And they cannot be zombies all the day without putting their own safety at risk.

Right.

It can be a gift to the dad to get to sleep elsewhere.

You’re right that there are a lot of important safety considerations with regard to co-sleeping.

 

[Anicette]

Yes. Room issues can be causing problems in intimer relations when the baby grow up. And they have a gift to wakes up in the worst moment…

Going in a other place can be a solution… If there is another place to go. It’s not always possible.

It was more the question in the following months, until the child is able to sleep in the separate room. I can´t really imagine not having intimater relations for such a long time.

Really, it depends. You cannot imagine what a chilbirth is and what consequences it could/would bear on your anatomy and psychology without going throught it.

And, as for me, it was not something that I have heard many time. It’s a taboo and a deep secret. I cannot imagine…

For some couples face no problems.
Some couples don’t have relations for as long as one year. Or sometimes any longer… Or having just episodical relations for a long time.
I have heard some midwifes say it takes approximatlely nine mouths to recover…

It depends how you will recover. It depends on your tiredness. On your desire or loss of desire. On your pain or not…On how you see your intimate anatomy who will be changed forever, no matter what.

I cannot before imagine how hard it will be for me, for us.

 

[Paul71]

I don’t think there is a “one size fits all” answer that is the right answer for every family. And many families, especially larger families, simply don’t have the luxury of living in a house with as much space as they would ideally like to have.

My wife and I have four boys, and I would say that our house is medium-sized at best by U.S. standards. We have maybe 2,400 square feet, but only two bedrooms for the boys. So we have two boys in one room and two in the other, and it works well enough. The older boys would probably like to have their own rooms, but they understand that we just can’t afford a house with more bedrooms, so they are stuck with sharing. (But in earlier generations, our house might have been considered quite large, even for a family with four children, and sharing rooms probably would have been the norm.)

In our previous house, we had only one rather large bedroom for all of the boys to share. But I actually think that arrangement worked better than our current one in some ways, because we had a huge family room for the boys to keep their toys and books in, and the bedroom was mainly just for sleeping. I feel like in some ways it is better to have more non-bedroom area and less bedroom area, since in many cases the bedrooms aren’t used much during the day.

One thing that has helped us to deal with the confines of our current house is that we have a good amount of land around our house, so that the kids have lots of room to play outside. But even if you don’t have much land, a nearby park can serve the same purpose.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

In our previous house, we had only one rather large bedroom for all of the boys to share. But I actually think that arrangement worked better than our current one in some ways, because we had a huge family room for the boys to keep their toys and books in, and the bedroom was mainly just for sleeping. I feel like in some ways it is better to have more non-bedroom area and less bedroom area, since in many cases the bedrooms aren’t used much during the day.

That set up is EXACTLY the way my family did it until my brothers were in their late teens. The 3 squished into a smaller bedroom and the biggest bedroom was first our playroom and then the teen hangout space. Bedrooms were for sleeping. Honestly, it made life way more peaceful because the bedroom was ALWAYS quiet and friends rarely came in, giving everyone more privacy than if they simply shared bedrooms.

 

[alice24]

My husband and his brother lived like this, too. A hang-out room as they were teens and a small bedroom only for sleeping. It went well even if they didn´t had the best relationship.
Funny and a bit weird, I recently heard the usual living space for the average german is 4 rooms. I didn´t checked the source myself, but the relation to the average 1,5 children per woman lets me laugh a bit

 

[alice24]

I tend to use only one room even If there is more space…We recently noticed that we haven´t been in our third room instead of doing choir work or searching somenting since we moved in in december

 

[Xantippe]

I tend to use only one room even If there is more space…We recently noticed that we haven´t been in our third room instead of doing choir work or searching somenting since we moved in in december

Funny!

You’ll use it once you have a baby.

Again, we have a big house (2900 sq. ft., around 4 bedrooms (one isn’t technically a bedroom) and 3.5 baths for 5 people), and we use every single room every day unless somebody is away for a trip. But part of that is that it’s a good floor plan for our particular family–I can imagine a house with the same square footage where we wouldn’t use every room every day.

 

[Anicette]

Funny and a bit weird, I recently heard the usual living space for the average german is 4 rooms. I didn´t checked the source myself, but the relation to the average 1,5 children per woman lets me laugh a bit

We have four rooms too + a veranda for 3 people.