How much would it offend God?

[ThyKingdomCome]

What’s curious to me about these situations is that so often we assume the gay friends will be surprised at what we believe. I can’t imagine a close friendship that doesn’t include knowledge of each others values. For a person who feels strongly about their Catholic faith, it would take a fair amount of effort to hide your feelings on this subject, and if you’ve spent a long time hiding this information from people who you consider close friends, I would say you’re not really sharing who YOU are with them, and you’re probably not really close friends.

My opinion is that friendships ought to include honesty. If you are close enough to a person that you would be expected to arrange your schedule to go to their wedding, then you’re close enough to honestly share the fact that you adhere to the values, beliefs, and practices of the Church. These are conversations that ought to be had prior to receiving a wedding invitation. Otherwise, it would be understandable that the gay friend would feel put out.

That said, I don’t know how many friendships in this day and age can survive this particular type of “outing” (letting on you are against gay marraige to a gay friend). They SHOULD, because friends SHOULD be respectful of their friends differences. But as we all are aware, such reasonable thinking is rare these days, so to “come out of the Christian closet,” we have to be very careful in choosing our words and our tone, and have to be very clear that we care about them, and respect their rights to have completely different views and practices than yours. And that while your own behavior is governed by your faith (ie-not attending a wedding), you understand that their behavior will be governed by their beliefs and you don’t blame or judge them personally for this. This sets you up to say that you expect the same from them - that is respect of the fact that you have different views and practices, and that you need to be true to what YOU believe (ie-not attend a wedding). Again, if the friendship can’t survive a differences like this, it isn’t a close friendship.

Plus I have to wonder what sort of evangelical value a friendship can have if who you are and what you believe is kept hidden.

So my answer is no, don’t attend such a wedding, but consider that if this is truly a friend, you ought to be forthcoming about who you are to them, before it is an issue.

 

[Elena321]

Weird. You would bring children because why again?

I said I wouldn’t bring them,(not that I would).

 

[Elena321]

What’s curious to me about these situations is that so often we assume the gay friends will be surprised at what we believe. I can’t imagine a close friendship that doesn’t include knowledge of each others values. For a person who feels strongly about their Catholic faith, it would take a fair amount of effort to hide your feelings on this subject, and if you’ve spent a long time hiding this information from people who you consider close friends, I would say you’re not really sharing who YOU are with them, and you’re probably not really close friends.

My opinion is that friendships ought to include honesty. If you are close enough to a person that you would be expected to arrange your schedule to go to their wedding, then you’re close enough to honestly share the fact that you adhere to the values, beliefs, and practices of the Church. These are conversations that ought to be had prior to receiving a wedding invitation. Otherwise, it would be understandable that the gay friend would feel put out.

That said, I don’t know how many friendships in this day and age can survive this particular type of “outing” (letting on you are against gay marraige to a gay friend). They SHOULD, because friends SHOULD be respectful of their friends differences. But as we all are aware, such reasonable thinking is rare these days, so to “come out of the Christian closet,” we have to be very careful in choosing our words and our tone, and have to be very clear that we care about them, and respect their rights to have completely different views and practices than yours. And that while your own behavior is governed by your faith (ie-not attending a wedding), you understand that their behavior will be governed by their beliefs and you don’t blame or judge them personally for this. This sets you up to say that you expect the same from them - that is respect of the fact that you have different views and practices, and that you need to be true to what YOU believe (ie-not attend a wedding). Again, if the friendship can’t survive a differences like this, it isn’t a close friendship.

Plus I have to wonder what sort of evangelical value a friendship can have if who you are and what you believe is kept hidden.

So my answer is no, don’t attend such a wedding, but consider that if this is truly a friend, you ought to be forthcoming about who you are to them, before it is an issue.

That’s what I trying to say but you said it much more eloquently

 

[Anglewannabe]

If you think they would,then is it possible to be open with your friend and tell him that due to being Catholic you have certain beliefs about gay marriage and does he still want you attending even though he knows that’s your belief?.

What a weird thing to say to someone. What bride/groom would say ‘Friend, I would love to have you at my wedding knowing you don’t support it’

If he still wants you to attend,then you could go to support your friendship but at the same time you have made it clear you don’t support the marriage…

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ! Supporting a friend means showing them the truth and that there is such a thing as following the Catholic religion

Someone suggested that it would be a scandal to attend,but then on the other hand sometimes people can be pushed further away from the Catholic Church/Christianity if they feel they are being personally rejected.

Moral relativeness is not correct. Rudely making fun of someone will push them away from Christianity. Politely refusing and invitation while speaking the truth in love is showing them who Jesus is

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I said I wouldn’t bring them,(not that I would).

Yeah I mistyped that.

my question is why do you feel an adult could go but not a child. What if the children are invited as well?

My point is that it’s perfectly acceptable to decline. Especially since deep down you know it is not something innocent children should be exposed to.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

Would Catholic’s also be expected to decline a wedding where a divorced person is re-marrying or a secular wedding?

 

[Elena321]

Yeah I mistyped that.

my question is why do you feel an adult could go but not a child. What if the children are invited as well?

My point is that it’s perfectly acceptable to decline. Especially since deep down you know it is not something innocent children should be exposed to.

I guess because children are impressionable/still being formed and it is the parents responsibility to form/guide them.
Where with adults they are fully mature about the things of the world and have the capacity to make their own decisions and follow their own beliefs and choices.

 

[Elena321]

What a weird thing to say to someone. What bride/groom would say ‘Friend, I would love to have you at my wedding knowing you don’t support it’

It might sound weird,but I was under the impression that the OP’s friend already knew about her beliefs?

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ! Supporting a friend means showing them the truth and that there is such a thing as following the Catholic religion

The OP said she felt it may risk their friendship.Thats where I was coming from.
In a different situation where it wouldn’t risk their friendship I would have said better to decline.
Due to the friendship being at risk,I think it’s prudent that the OP speaks to a priest about her friends mindset,their friendship,and whether she can attend or not.
Again,just to clarify,I’m strictly referring to in a situation where the friend would take it as a personal rejection as this could push them further away from Catholicism.
I’m not referring to situations where the friend wouldn’t see it as a personal rejection.

Moral relativeness is not correct. Rudely making fun of someone will push them away from Christianity. Politely refusing and invitation while speaking the truth in love is showing them who Jesus is

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I guess because children are impressionable/still being formed and it is the parents responsibility to form/guide them.
Where with adults they are fully mature about the things of the world and have the capacity to make their own decisions and follow their own beliefs and choices.

Ah yes, adults are fully formed and know right from wrong. Which is why we have SS"m" in the first place right?

I find it cowardice and shame of our faith to be bullied into attending something that should be offensive to us. No matter the familial relationships involved.

Imagine if we invited a person not if our faith to a child’s baptism and threatened to never have a relationship with them if they did not come. That is what many are bullied into by the ssm crowd.

If you wouldn’t take a child because of the unholiness why would it be different for anyone else.

 

[Sarah_B_Good]

I have a friend who is gay and when the time comes when they get married I don’t know what I should do? I feel in my heart of hearts it’s wrong but if I don’t go to their wedding they will be hurt and maybe we could fallout������It’s going to force my to choose between my Catholic beliefs and my friendship! And I don’t want to fallout with anyone but God must come first…it’s a tricky situation…anyone else in or faces with this problem?

I actually think it’s pretty simple. Imagine the situation was reversed. If your friend refused to attend your wedding, their reason being (whether stated or not) that they did not want to hurt you but could not support your Catholicism by attending your wedding in which they would appear to be supporting something that violates their beliefs, that would be supporting their own oppression, despite the fact that you would be hurt by that, would you respect that decision and continue to maintain your friendship or would you be unable to continue the friendship based on that rejection? I’m not suggesting that’s how your friend would feel, most likely not. What I am saying is treat your friend how you would expect them to treat you in same circumstance. If you would be understanding of your friend’s feelings about not attending your wedding, respect your friend enough to give them the opportunity to understand and respect yours. If you expect something more from their friendship than what you would be willing to do, your friendship will end anyway.

 

[Anglewannabe]

The OP said she felt it may risk their friendship.Thats where I was coming from.
/QUOTE]

Where in the bible or the teachings of the Catholic church does it state ‘If it means loosing a friend then it is OK to sin’

 

[Anglewannabe]

I guess because children are impressionable/still being formed and it is the parents responsibility to form/guide them.
Where with adults they are fully mature about the things of the world and have the capacity to make their own decisions and follow their own beliefs and choices.

Isn’t the whole point of forming and guiding a child to raise them to do the right thing and not support sin by decline homosexual marriage invitations ?

 

[Elena321]

Elena321;14194932:

The OP said she felt it may risk their friendship.Thats where I was coming from.
/QUOTE]

Where in the bible or the teachings of the Catholic church does it state ‘If it means loosing a friend then it is OK to sin’

It doesn’t.There is no definitive mention from the Catholic Church that attending in this circumstance would be a sin (or not) though so it would be wise for the OP to pray about it and seek advice from a priest regarding her and her friends personal circumstances instead of just relying on answers from this forum.
There is a lot of pressure everywhere now that Catholics are “outdated” or bigoted etc for not agreeing with gay marriage/gay relationships and I wish it wasn’t this way.
At the same time though,Catholics are encouraged to build relationships and the fact that this could end their relationship makes it something necessary to talk with her priest about.
Also,it’s not just about their relationship-it’s also about the fact that it seems like the friend could mis perceive it as a personal rejection from Christians/Catholic Church and push them further away from God/being receptive to matters about God.
OP:if you don’t attend,it would probably be helpful if you could find a way for your friend to “get” that it isn’t a personal rejection and that God still loves them and that they are welcome at the Catholic Church and that as a Catholic while you do think gay marriage is a sin,that everyone sins in some other way too.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Anglewannabe;14196236:

It doesn’t.There is no definitive mention from the Catholic Church that attending in this circumstance would be a sin (or not) though so it would be wise for the OP to pray about it and seek advice from a priest regarding her and her friends personal circumstances instead of just relying on answers from this forum.
There is a lot of pressure everywhere now that Catholics are “outdated” or bigoted etc for not agreeing with gay marriage/gay relationships and I wish it wasn’t this way.
At the same time though,Catholics are encouraged to build relationships and the fact that this could end their relationship makes it something necessary to talk with her priest about.
Also,it’s not just about their relationship-it’s also about the fact that it seems like the friend could mis perceive it as a personal rejection from Christians/Catholic Church and push them further away from God/being receptive to matters about God.
OP:if you don’t attend,it would probably be helpful if you could find a way for your friend to “get” that it isn’t a personal rejection and that God still loves them and that they are welcome at the Catholic Church and that as a Catholic while you do think gay marriage is a sin,that everyone sins in some other way too.

When a distorted view of ecumenism trumps not attending something offensive to our faith much us lost.

It isn’t charity, it’s cowardice. It’s being held hostage by a friend or realative.

We are ashamed of Christ. We are ashamed of our own faith.

(We being the collective “we” of postmodern Catholics.

 

[Elena321]

Elena321;14196539:

When a distorted view of ecumenism trumps not attending something offensive to our faith much us lost.

It isn’t charity, it’s cowardice. It’s being held hostage by a friend or realative.

We are ashamed of Christ. We are ashamed of our own faith.

(We being the collective “we” of postmodern Catholics.

I guess it would be being ashamed of Christ if she was going along with “blessing” the marriage to not be criticised (as a bigot etc) but if she is making it clear to her friend her beliefs then isn’t that different?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Hoosier Daddy;14196555:

I guess it would be being ashamed of Christ if she was going along with “blessing” the marriage to not be criticised (as a bigot etc) but if she is making it clear to her friend her beliefs then isn’t that different?

“I’ll come to your wedding though in my heart I think it’s against God and natural law?”

Nope.

“Sorry I can’t attend”.

That is how you keep yourself true to your faith without being rude.

 

[Viki63]

How about: “I care about you so much that I can’t support you doing something that I think is going to hurt you.”

Because supporting someone in sin is not being kind, it’s being dishonest. The kindest thing is to tell them we love them too much to watch them put themselves in a position against God’s law.
Then it’s not so much about you standing up for your Catholic beliefs, as about you having concern for your friend’s soul.

.

 

[Katherine438]

I would not attend … gay marriage is not accepted in our faith. Just as your friend wants you to accept her being gay, she should accept the fact that you are Catholic.

The bigger question is how are you going to handle seeing your friend once she is married … would going to dinner at her house while she was there with her spouse be accepting the gay marriage … and what are the Church’s teachings on that … I don’t know myself about that … just bringing it up as a question.

If this has already been brought up in the thread I am sorry … I read through, but not very carefully.