How My Parents's Divorce Ruined our Holidays and Family Life Forever

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Someone else posted this already.

After reading the article, I think this is not about divorce (terrible as it is) as much as it is about her own family’s bad parenting and total dysfunction and her own inability to establish healthy, solid boundaries as an adult.

She needs therapy.
 
Yes, the prior thread is here:

As to the effect of divorce on children, I noticed a recent posting by Fr. Z. A reader questions whether a person who is divorced, with annulment, should be allowed to remarry if young children are involved.

The answer seems to be that a tribunal rarely imposes such a condition.

The link is here
 
If she really used the word “forever” it means she is stuck in what is known as “black and white thinking”, which is a cognitive distortion.

She does need some good therapy. She can learn that she can and does have control moving forward, even though her parents divorced.
 
Yeah. I’m not saying that she didn’t get a raw deal. But there comes a time when you have to say, “Well that sucked but I’m not going to let it ruin my day, or my Christmas, or my family life forever.”
 
I’ve not had any close personal experience with divorce myself, but I’m old enough to recall when divorce was not taken so matter of factly as it is today. A divorce was sometimes enough to undermine a political or business career. If I recall correctly, it became a factor in Ronald Reagan’s candidacy for governor. A couple in my parish who were long time parishioners divorced after a decades long marriage. Some of their friends said “I don’t know whose side to be on.” It was awkward.

When I was a kid, divorce was simply something unthinkable. My mom and dad not being together was something which would not ever have occurred to me. But simply because most kids take family unity for granted, divorce is like an earthquake in their life, over which they have no control.

And while no one has control over the adversities of life, some are more—or less—resilient than others.

I think perhaps we have become too accustomed to divorce, accepting it as something that occurs just like rain showers and thunderstorms, something we have to accept. But we’ve come to accept a lot of things that are unacceptable—abortion, promiscuity, gender fluidity, same sex marriage—the list could be long. To quote one part of the linked article:

“In the decades since my parents’ divorce and through the years of my marriage, I have learned that no-fault divorce is one of the biggest lies our culture tries to get people to believe. In truth, “no-fault divorce is destroying women, children, and men. More precisely, divorce destroys marriage, and the destruction of marriage harms every party involved. The legality of no-fault divorce just makes it infinitely easier to hurt people.”
 
I think I understand why some people want more acceptance of divorce. Coming from my situation, I am unsure if a divorce when I was a child would have been good or bad. I knew full well my parents’ marriage was not healthy. I remember hiding in my room after arguments, because it was practically inevitable after an argument that I would be punished for something if I was noticed. “Commitment to marriage” pretty much meant “we’re going to pretend we’re not arguing”. (Hint: not arguing in front of the kids doesn’t work that well past a certain age, especially if the walls are thin.) I could very well see how a divorce might not have been a worse option for me than simply living with constant conflict. As it is, I don’t fear a relationship of my own falling apart so much as I fear being permanently trapped in one with someone else who slowly adds more and more rules and punishes you for not following them.
 
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