How nuts am I?

[chevalier]

Okay, I know this isn’t really what you’d expect from me, but anyway. I guess I need a second eye perspective. So basically, while I’m not really scrupulous or lax, sometimes I have difficulties believing I’m neither. I’ve both accused myself of both and been accused or characterised as either by people. So far I’m praying that I avoid both extremes and praying that I might confess only what I need and all what I need to. No exaggerations and no smoothening. That’s hard to achieve sometimes. The fact I’m a lawyer (a criminal one, in a PhD course), isn’t helping. At all. I know tons of theories for will, consent, knowledge, degrees and kinds of intent, you name it. And nothing of it works in the question of sin, since it’s basically a whole different realm anyway. You either sin or don’t, there’s no lawyering and no proof procedure, no verdicts. For that matter, I also know some theology (I read Aquinas in Latin), but sometimes the more I think, the more confused I am. Actually, a while into it, I can no longer properly recover the facts about what I actually did, with what degree of will and of consent. Like was it already a proper sin or occasion, or no occasion… was there consent, was there intent. Sometimes I can dwell on one thing for days.

So. For example. A recent situation. I read (online) about a politician being invited to become the head editor of a newspaper for one day and what changes he made, including he cut out (they said censored) the customary nude photo on the last page. I see the title and short summary, I think good riddance and I’m curious what they wrote more. But there’s that thumbnail - head and bare shoulders, suggesting some allusions. It doesn’t actually give me any temptations really, but I get the “oh my, porn” reaction, followed by, “I shouldn’t go there.” I read the article. There are no porn pics inside. I scroll to check if the online news portal actually showed an after-censorship picture or perhaps something silly like before and after. Nope, looks like they took the thumbnail off the moon, the politician cut the feature altogether in the issue he was presiding over. But before I even finish reading, I’m getting second guesses about my own motivations and a while later, I’m starting to have what one could call a “moral hangover”. I think I wouldn’t be having remourse if there were no reasons. The fact I’m feeling bad is likely to mean I did something bad. On the other hand, scrupples are real and I’ve been told some of my supposed sins have been either not sins or exaggerated - whereas I know I have a good talent for excusing myself in any secular problem (it looks like I’m my own defence attorney sometimes).

So what does one do in such situations? Read books? Talk to priests? Make tests? Pray to a specific saint?

I’d like some advice here. I just don’t want to go on like this and I’d like to cut at least the wondering about whether I sinned mortally or not, and I obviously can’t go to confession 2-3 times a week with “potential” sins, while I can’t allow myself a relaxation or I’ll end up overlooking real sins like I did in the past (yes, I’m as capable of that as of scrupples). I try to find balance between blaming myself and excusing myself, but it just doesn’t seem to come. If I don’t go to confession with something, I fear for my soul. If I do go and I’m not entirely certain I really should, then I feel like a pharisee and like I’m using confession to be neat and clean rather than to mend the relationship with God.

 

[serrlorca]

Any action must meet at last 4 conditions to be a real sin:

1. Matter: qualify as a sin;
2. Knowledge: being known as a sin;
3. Consent: be freely choosen instead any other action freely available known to be morally superior;
4. Fulfilement: fulfil the action in its totality;

4th point isn’t always mentioned as it is self evident.

You can not confess a murder if you haven’t done it because you have changed your mind. You can confess than once you had the intention of doing it. But it is not the same sin.

You can not confess a murder if your victim has not died. You can confess that you have injured somebody while trying to kill him. But, again, it is not the same sin.

Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1846-1876.
vatican.va/archive/ENG0015/__P69.HTM

I know that you already knew that. But I wanted to make it clear.

If I found myself in such a situation I would purify and rectify my intentions through an Act of Contrition. That’s all.

 

[chevalier]

Thanks, I’ll take a look once again at the Catechism. It never hurts. Yes, I know my theology, though I suppose much less so than you, but I have a knack for being unable to judge certain practical cases if they involve me as the (potential) sinner. When such things happen, well, yeah, I did start using an act of contrition by the book, while before, I’d have expressed my regret in informal ways. I generally pray and say I want to confess everything I’ve really done, but I need the light to see what it is without inventing sins or skipping real ones. I suppose it’s inevitable that some sins I commit I won’t realise and for that, I have to count on God’s mercy - but uncertainties, like when I’m not sure, that’s the worst thing.

 

[AgnosTheist]

wow you really are a lawyer. you talk like one. i did not understand it on the first reading. let me read it a second time…

 

[chevalier]

wow you really are a lawyer. you talk like one. i did not understand it on the first reading. let me read it a second time…

Yeah, sorry, I was tired. I spent the whole day running tax errands and the like.

 

[Magicsilence]

So. For example. A recent situation. I read (online) about a politician being invited to become the head editor of a newspaper for one day and what changes he made, including he cut out (they said censored) the customary nude photo on the last page. I see the title and short summary, I think good riddance and I’m curious what they wrote more. But there’s that thumbnail - head and bare shoulders, suggesting some allusions. It doesn’t actually give me any temptations really, but I get the “oh my, porn” reaction, followed by, “I shouldn’t go there.” I read the article. There are no porn pics inside. I scroll to check if the online news portal actually showed an after-censorship picture or perhaps something silly like before and after. Nope, looks like they took the thumbnail off the moon, the politician cut the feature altogether in the issue he was presiding over. But before I even finish reading, I’m getting second guesses about my own motivations and a while later, I’m starting to have what one could call a “moral hangover”. I think I wouldn’t be having remourse if there were no reasons. The fact I’m feeling bad is likely to mean I did something bad. On the other hand, scrupples are real and I’ve been told some of my supposed sins have been either not sins or exaggerated - whereas I know I have a good talent for excusing myself in any secular problem (it looks like I’m my own defence attorney sometimes).

So what does one do in such situations? Read books? Talk to priests? Make tests? Pray to a specific saint?

I’d like some advice here. I just don’t want to go on like this and I’d like to cut at least the wondering about whether I sinned mortally or not, and I obviously can’t go to confession 2-3 times a week with “potential” sins, while I can’t allow myself a relaxation or I’ll end up overlooking real sins like I did in the past (yes, I’m as capable of that as of scrupples). I try to find balance between blaming myself and excusing myself, but it just doesn’t seem to come. If I don’t go to confession with something, I fear for my soul. If I do go and I’m not entirely certain I really should, then I feel like a pharisee and like I’m using confession to be neat and clean rather than to mend the relationship with God.

Hi Chevalier,

I suffer from the same thing, and find that the only peace I have is to say no to anything which might later give me a ‘moral hangover’.

Like, in your case, as soon as I had seen the small picture which was indicative of some sort of pornography, I would have closed that webpage since I know that nothing good can come from clicking on that link. At best, the result is neutral, no pornograhpic pictures, at worst, you fall into lust from them.

It isn’t easy however, because curiosity is very powerful.

I think this advice is against that normally given to scrupulous people, but its what I find allows me to have peace, and in reality, it also helps kill a wandering eye, and a curious mind, which sometimes get one into sin.

In Jesus Christ,

 

[rboo124]

I don’t know if this helps any…and I hope I understood your post! lol

I have been very concerned with ‘thoughts’ that will pop into my head…I’ll see an attractive woman, and while I’m not entertaining any impure thoughts, I’ll immediately become aware of how attractive her face or body is. As soon as the thoughts come into my head, I’ll fight them off. I’ll either immediately change my focus onto something else, or I’ll tell myself ‘Yes, she’s attractive, let it go at that…’

I have a checkered past and have practiced impurity more times than I care to admit here. I’m sure ‘ids’ pop into my mind because of this…but, I find the more I practice not entertaining them, the less often they pop up.

I’ve spoken to my priest about this, because I know there are others who don’t have some of the thoughts pop in their head that I do, atleast, I assume they don’t. He told me that temptation itself is NOT a sin, that I am human and I will have urges. Acting on those urges or devoting deliberate thought to them is a sin, having them is not.

I go through life with sin ‘triggers’ everyday…I just try to avoid them the best I can and pray that I will reach a point where I will see something for what it truly is, instead of having an initial thought be that of something it isn’t (lust, envy, etc.)

I hope this makes sense.

 

[CarrieH]

I suppose it’s inevitable that some sins I commit I won’t realise and for that, I have to count on God’s mercy - but uncertainties, like when I’m not sure, that’s the worst thing.

That’s the key right there – counting on God’s mercy. Chev, you are not “nuts;” you have a very bright and active mind, and sometimes that is a cross to bear because you can’t shut it off. Scrupulous tendencies combined with high intelligence can make for much misery as one agonizes and over-analyzes events which others would just brush aside. I have those tendencies as well, but I interpret the “free consent of the will” component to involve at least a bit of deliberate thought or premeditation. That’s not to say that one can’t still sin mortally on the spur of the moment, but those are usually more extreme situations than the temptations we encounter as we go about our everyday lives. As magicsilence said, it’s best to avoid things which we know will give us a “moral hangover.” You didn’t deliberately set out to look at porn, but the nudie-girl thumbnail tempted you and you stumbled (not mortally, IMHO). Say an Act of Contrition, resolve not to look at nudie thumbnails anymore and ask for God’s help with this, trust in His mercy, and let it go. 'Tis easier said than done, I know, but we all have a “learning curve” about things which might be an occasion of sin for us personally – that which tempts me to sin might not tempt my neighbor at all. As long as you are sincerely seeking to avoid sin and to live the right way, you’re on the right track even though you may stumble from time to time.