How often do we need to be intimate with our spouse?

[FullOfThought]

I’m aware each couple and relationship is different, but I keep finding myself wondering how often a couple should be intimate in a marriage.

Divorce is such a large factor in our society, as is cheating, pornography and couples who are miserable together. I want to try and do everything possible to keep our marriage strong, and feel this is a very important way to do so.

I’m sure there’s no magic number of how often a week a couple should be intimate, but how am I to know if my husband is feeling loved and when he is in need of attention?

 

[The_Bucket]

I’m sure there’s no magic number of how often a week a couple should be intimate, but how am I to know if my husband is feeling loved and when he is in need of attention?

Why not just ask him? Women are pretty perceptive creatures and while men generally do what they can to hide their feelings and appear stoic… sex usually isn’t an area where we’re going to say “Whoa, way too much. Might want to back it down a tad hon.”

 

[FullOfThought]

Why not just ask him? Women are pretty perceptive creatures and while men generally do what they can to hide their feelings and appear stoic… sex usually isn’t an area where we’re going to say “Whoa, way too much. Might want to back it down a tad hon.”

Actually it’s not that simple, my husband is extremely thoughtful and he can see I’m exhausted with the baby and college, so if I asked him he’d always say that everything was fine! He’s wonderful, but I can never know if he’s saying that out of kindness or truth.

Also, I don’t want to assume he wants to be intimate all the time and make him feel like an object! He would also never turn me down, regardless of how he feels, he would feel like he would be hurting my feelings.

Hence my initial question.

 

[Ismael]

I’m aware each couple and relationship is different, but I keep finding myself wondering how often a couple should be intimate in a marriage.

Divorce is such a large factor in our society, as is cheating, pornography and couples who are miserable together. I want to try and do everything possible to keep our marriage strong, and feel this is a very important way to do so.

I’m sure there’s no magic number of how often a week a couple should be intimate, but how am I to know if my husband is feeling loved and when he is in need of attention?

I think you ought to discuss this with your own spose. I caould say a number like ‘3 times a week’ or 10 times or whatever, but I am not your spouse.

There is of course an old joke. A marriage counsoler asks the couple: how often do you have sex?
She replies ‘All the time! Like 3 times a week!’
He replies ‘Almost never, only 3 times a week!’

Behind this joke there is a grain of truth. Man and women might have different needs sexually and different people have different needs.

The best thing is COMMUNICATION. Talk to your spouse about everything, even these things!. Only by assessing each other’s desires and needs you can truly have an answer to your question.

 

[EasterJoy]

Actually it’s not that simple, my husband is extremely thoughtful and he can see I’m exhausted with the baby and college, so if I asked him he’d always say that everything was fine! He’s wonderful, but I can never know if he’s saying that out of kindness or truth.

Also, I don’t want to assume he wants to be intimate all the time and make him feel like an object! He would also never turn me down, regardless of how he feels, he would feel like he would be hurting my feelings.

Hence my initial question.

When you’re going through a desert, put a detour for the available oasis on your travel plan. It is very likely that you’d both appreciate a time when you’ve arranged to be well-rested to have some time alone and…well, just see what happens. Considering the exhaustion issue, I’d consider whether or not you can have someone like a doting grandparent have a little one-on-one time with your child for a few hours some Saturday morning. You could even plan on spending “nap time” alone when your child is having his or her regular nap. Getting the house cleaned and “stuff done” during your most productive time of the day shouldn’t always take precedence. Use some of that golden time on each other. It is the intimacy that counts and making availability one to the other a priority that counts.

 

[KendraDZ1902]

The best thing is COMMUNICATION. Talk to your spouse about everything, even these things!. Only by assessing each other’s desires and needs you can truly have an answer to your question.

Bingo!

 

[Em_in_FL]

Actually it’s not that simple, my husband is extremely thoughtful and he can see I’m exhausted with the baby and college, so if I asked him he’d always say that everything was fine! He’s wonderful, but I can never know if he’s saying that out of kindness or truth.

Also, I don’t want to assume he wants to be intimate all the time and make him feel like an object! He would also never turn me down, regardless of how he feels, he would feel like he would be hurting my feelings.

Hence my initial question.

Sounds like you need to start exploring some new communication techniques.

 

[Joe_5859]

I’m aware each couple and relationship is different, but I keep finding myself wondering how often a couple should be intimate in a marriage.

Divorce is such a large factor in our society, as is cheating, pornography and couples who are miserable together. I want to try and do everything possible to keep our marriage strong, and feel this is a very important way to do so.

I’m sure there’s no magic number of how often a week a couple should be intimate, but how am I to know if my husband is feeling loved and when he is in need of attention?

I agree with you that there is no magic number. It really depends on the couple.

I get where you’re coming from. I’m pretty easy going myself and I like to keep the wife happy. I don’t really see any other way than simply talking with him more and more about it to get a sense of where he is really at.

Just hearing your how your husband is being attentive to what you’re going through and seeing your desire to make him happy does my heart good. You two are really looking out for each other, huh?

 

[1ke]

but how am I to know if my husband is feeling loved and when he is in need of attention?

Ask him.

 

[Pablopedro]

I’m aware each couple and relationship is different, but I keep finding myself wondering how often a couple should be intimate in a marriage.

Divorce is such a large factor in our society, as is cheating, pornography and couples who are miserable together. I want to try and do everything possible to keep our marriage strong, and feel this is a very important way to do so.

I’m sure there’s no magic number of how often a week a couple should be intimate, but how am I to know if my husband is feeling loved and when he is in need of attention?

Sexual desire and how often one wants to engage in sex can change based on each individual person, their age, stress in life, other factors in life, diet, exercise, etc.

Thus I have to agree with most other posters that the only way to really answer this question is communication.

Also…cheating and pornography problems usually do not have a whole lot to do with spouses sexual interactions with each other. There are generally different underlying factors, so do not put too much pressure on yourself and feel like if you miss having sex one time that he wants to then he’ll go running.

 

[njprintman]

No one knows the correct number.
I lost my wife of 44 years and realize the importance of that intimate part of our life together.
If it is 3 times a week or once a month…CHERISH IT …as if it is the last time you will love each other.

 

[The_Bucket]

S
Also…cheating and pornography problems usually do not have a whole lot to do with spouses sexual interactions with each other. There are generally different underlying factors, so do not put too much pressure on yourself and feel like if you miss having sex one time that he wants to then he’ll go running.

I really hope the OP doesn’t think anything of that kind! Sexual addiction, which manifests itself in many forms, has nothing to do with the spouse and everything to do with the addict. Those who engage in affairs or use pornography and are not addicts have other immaturities and serious character defects. You can’t fix it through catering to the other person’s every whim or something like that. If anything that’s even more dangerous.

As it is OP, you seem to be in a pretty good spot. You’ve got a loving husband who understands the stresses in your lives and is responding in the right way. Don’t worry!

 

[LongingSoul]

Actually it’s not that simple, my husband is extremely thoughtful and he can see I’m exhausted with the baby and college, so if I asked him he’d always say that everything was fine! He’s wonderful, but I can never know if he’s saying that out of kindness or truth.

Also, I don’t want to assume he wants to be intimate all the time and make him feel like an object! He would also never turn me down, regardless of how he feels, he would feel like he would be hurting my feelings.

Hence my initial question.

Don’t let the fear of something like this happening dominate your life and affect the natural qualities of your giving will you! I have a friend who has always had this same fear but I’ve known her for a very long time and I know that she has a deeper fear that he is too good for her even though I’ve heard him express things that indicate he values her highly for just who she is. You wouldn’t know that that was her problem as she’s confident, loud and full of laughs. It’s just that I know that particular glitch in her self esteem and how it causes her this irrational fear.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

I could cite averages based on various polls, but fact is its irrelevant to individual circumstances. What’s works for me doesn’t necessarily work for you.

Communication is the key; not only to this, but to every issue in marriage. Speak to your spouse.

 

[underacloud]

Also, I don’t want to assume he wants to be intimate all the time and make him feel like an object! He would also never turn me down, regardless of how he feels, he would feel like he would be hurting my feelings.

As a man, I would think you’d have to be acting very extremely in order to make him feel objectified. Frankly, it’s just not how men typically think.

Anyway, as others have said, just talk to him about it.

 

[fpt]

I’m aware each couple and relationship is different, but I keep finding myself wondering how often a couple should be intimate in a marriage.

Divorce is such a large factor in our society, as is cheating, pornography and couples who are miserable together. I want to try and do everything possible to keep our marriage strong, and feel this is a very important way to do so.

I’m sure there’s no magic number of how often a week a couple should be intimate, but how am I to know if my husband is feeling loved and when he is in need of attention?

The sexual harmony is one of hard cores of the marriage, it is an obligation of trying to look for her: an natural moral obligation of means of finding out *this wonderful conjugal sexual harmony in the couple, in quantity, in quality and intensity for getting the conjugal sexual happiness in the respect of the natural moral order of the conjugal human sexuality. *

By principle, the marital act is a duty, an obligation, a right for each one of members of couple, it is for everyday; *and each member of the couple has to listen the sexual hopes, the sexual desires, the sexual expectations, the sexual wishes, the sexual needs, the sexual wills, the sexual vows, the sexual requests of the other, in the respect of the natural moral order of the intentionality and of the materiality of the marital act.
*

The conjugal sexual adjustments are normal, important and necessary. Each one is called* to make sexual efforts and sexual sacrifices on this matter, in positive and / or in negative: to act or not to act. The marital sexual charity is a right, is an obligation and is a duty for each one of members of couple: to do, not to do, to allow to do, not to allow to do, to allow not to do, to give, not to give, to allow to give, not to allow to give, to allow not to give, to receive, not to receive, to allow to receive, not to allow to receive, to allow not to receive, to take, not to take, to allow to take, not to allow to take, to allow not to take, to offer, not to offer, to allow to offer, not to allow to offer, to allow not to offer. *The marital sex is a teaching and a learning between husband and wife, it can take time or long time. After years each couple can find out his deep conjugal sexual harmony: the communication, the talks, the information, the discussion, the prayers, the trust, the sexual sacrifices, the sexual efforts are the keys.

During the marriage, the sex drive, the libido, the sexual needs, the sexual fears, the sexual expectations, the sexual wishes, the sexual desires, the sexual wills, the sexual issues…etc can change in different ways. The conjugal charity is the key for finding conjugal personnal solutions in function of each moment.
**
In general, the natural moral regime of the materiality and of the intentionality of the marital act is not enough known. That is the issue!!! The creative abstinence is possible during the times where the couple does not want to practice the marital act: the conjugal physical love without sex is possible with the physical tenderness, in the respect of catholic morality.

It is impossible to give a number. The moderation is in function of each couple.* The conjugal romantism, the marital act, the expectation of the other about the love are the first devotions.*

By principle, the measure of love is to love without measure, even about the physical love in the couple, it is the principle, with exceptions, of course. Many exceptions are.

 

[fpt]

Actually it’s not that simple, my husband is extremely thoughtful and he can see I’m exhausted with the baby and college, so if I asked him he’d always say that everything was fine! He’s wonderful, but I can never know if he’s saying that out of kindness or truth.

Also, I don’t want to assume he wants to be intimate all the time and make him feel like an object! He would also never turn me down, regardless of how he feels, he would feel like he would be hurting my feelings.

Hence my initial question.

In all honesty, it is normal and natural of desiring, of wanting, of hoping, of expecting the marital request of the marital act coming from the other: it is the principle in the marriage because the marriage is a sexed and sexual institution and a sexed and sexual contract. The right to the body, the right on the body, the right of the body, the marital sexual debt, the marital sexual obligation, the marital sexual duty are elements of this contractual institution. In entering in mariage, each member of couple gave its agreement with that.

In the marriage, naturally speaking, it is totally natural for the wife of being in physical love for her husband, and of falling in love of her husband, physically speaking, even everyday, of desiring him, physically speaking, very often. The same reasonning for the husband. What is the moral issue,** in general and by principle**!!! Only, the exceptions can justify an anormality about that. The lust is not the principle, the fact of being the sexual object is no** the principle.**

=======> Be positive, be optimistic, be honest, stay yourself, be and stay in physical love for your husband, express your physical love to your husband… IT IS SO WONDERFUL, IT IS SO DIVINE, IT IS SO CHARITABLE, IT IS CATHOLIC, BY PRINCIPLE.

 

[moon1234]

To the OP.

One thing to keep in mind is that most men give and receive love though sex. Not all men, but the vast majority. For a man’s point of view, he determines how loved he is by how receptive his wife is to him to have sex (not that you actually do, but are willing) and that when you do have sex you actually enjoy it with your husband.

A man’s ego and self worth can be seriously damaged when sex with his wife is placed on the low priority list. If you say to him that you will “do your duty to keep him happy” or make sex out to something you see as a chore, even that will damage his ego.

Despite the image husbands may present as stoic men, we do crave physical intimacy with our spouse. It is the way that we validate that we are still loved and appreciated. For many wives they do not understand this and think we are acting like dogs or being childish.

If you do not feel like you can have sex with your husband on a routine basis or you need to do it out of a sense of duty, PLEASE do not tell him this. He will be emotionally crushed.