How often is acceptable?

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Yehuda_Dion

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Just two days ago I moved from my hometown to a smaller town that is an 8 hours drive from my hometown. My father had a petrol station in the smaller town that he indicated he needed my help in running, so I moved. Now here’s my problem. I’m very newly in a relationship with this girl whom I love very much (let’s call her “T”.) She lives in my hometown. We’ve only been on 2 dates so far, but both were very successful in my humble estimation (no kissing or holding hands yet, I’m too shy for either). Notwithstanding the bracketed part I do feel that she is interested in me, maybe as interested in me as I am interested in her (VERY interested) although I can’t know since she is a reserved person by nature and is very good at hiding feelings. I would like to keep up my relationship with her, so yesterday I texted her and indicated that I would like to begin a LDR (long-distance relationship). She was very responsive, replied back to my messages for the better part of an hour, and encouraged my attempt. My question to all of you is this: How often is LDR texting acceptable for a guy who’s only been on two dates with his girl? Mature responses only please. I would like to text her every other day if this is appropriate, but I am a very religious person and feel that this may not be the case (BOTH religiously AND morally). Thank you and may God bless all of you abundantly.
 
How many logs do you want to throw on the fire? Think about this:

When will you be ready to support a family? Don’t push the texting until you are well on the path to a sufficient career: job, money in the bank, financial goals. See the difference between our disposable, materialistic society with all of its pressure to “hook up” with someone versus a deep, spiritual “simmer”. The first can get you stuck with someone you might not really get along with in the long haul; The “simmer” gives you a chance to learn about each other…maybe she’s the one or maybe she isn’t.

I suggest one text a week if she reciprocates. If she does not text back regularly, try one more within the month and then let it go. If she does respond, stay within the once a week idea or every two weeks. Don’t overdo it. Tell her about your life. Ask about hers. Let her know that you are focussed on work and financial goals. THAT would be attractive to the right person. Good luck.
 
Auntie_A said:
How many logs do you want to throw on the fire? Think about this:

When will you be ready to support a family? Don’t push the texting until you are well on the path to a sufficient career: job, money in the bank, financial goals. See the difference between our disposable, materialistic society with all of its pressure to “hook up” with someone versus a deep, spiritual “simmer”. The first can get you stuck with someone you might not really get along with in the long haul; The “simmer” gives you a chance to learn about each other…maybe she’s the one or maybe she isn’t.

I suggest one text a week if she reciprocates. If she does not text back regularly, try one more within the month and then let it go. If she does respond, stay within the once a week idea or every two weeks. Don’t overdo it. Tell her about your life. Ask about hers. Let her know that you are focussed on work and financial goals. THAT would be attractive to the right person. Good luck.
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Thank you! 🙂 I thought that once a week was the right idea myself.
 
Auntie_A said:
How many logs do you want to throw on the fire? Think about this:

When will you be ready to support a family? Don’t push the texting until you are well on the path to a sufficient career: job, money in the bank, financial goals. See the difference between our disposable, materialistic society with all of its pressure to “hook up” with someone versus a deep, spiritual “simmer”. The first can get you stuck with someone you might not really get along with in the long haul; The “simmer” gives you a chance to learn about each other…maybe she’s the one or maybe she isn’t.

I suggest one text a week if she reciprocates. If she does not text back regularly, try one more within the month and then let it go. If she does respond, stay within the once a week idea or every two weeks. Don’t overdo it. Tell her about your life. Ask about hers. Let her know that you are focussed on work and financial goals. THAT would be attractive to the right person. Good luck.
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What? Once a week will probably have her wondering if you’re interested at all! Do you talk on the phone at all or is this your only contact throughout the week?
 
Speaking as someone who was in a LDR for over a year and a half with someone who was 500 miles away and who is now my wife 😃 …

All other logistical issues notwithstanding, I would advise against a “text” relationship. During our courtship, my wife and I never exchanged a single text message–mostly because it’s just not the way we preferred our relationship to go, but also because both uf us have so-called “dumb phones” which of course are not concudive to text messaging in large doses!

I believe that the best way for someone in your situation to communicate with their significant other is to actually talk to each other. She will appreciate hearing your voice, and you will appreciate hearing hers. It’s also just a more intimate and personal way to talk than reading a bunch of characters on a screen. So pick up the phone and call her for goodness sake–she’ll appreciate that! 🙂

For us, any texting is relegated to “pick up x, y, and z at the store on your way home from work”. It works for me.

Congrats on your new relationship, and best of luck to you!
 
My husband and I were in an LDR through the majority of our dating relationship.
Like your situation - I knew him personally, then he moved away for school.

We “chatted” on IM almost every night, it was casual and comfortable. I mean, we were friends before we were dating, so this was just another ‘increase’ in our friendship.
Then we started to talk on the phone most nights too.

If we had phones that could text, we would have all the time, I’m sure!

Honestly, once a week is too few.
If I were the lady you’re interested in, I would totally assume you’ve forgotten about me or are too busy.
Texting takes literally seconds, it’s instant, and when you’re thinking of someone, it’d make sense to send them a quick:
"Hey! How are you doing today? 🙂 "

I’d assume no texts = no thought. 🤷

Text her regularly, then see how she responds - if it’s instant, a few hours after you sent it, a day or two, depending on her interest in texting; go off of that.

IF everything seems awesome, she loves texting you and talk/hearing about your day and chatting, THEN you start instigating phone conversations.

Best of luck, LDR’s are HARD,
Hubby and I took turns flying to each other once every 3-4 months and it was torturous, but we did it. 😃

Peace,
  • PetiteFoi
 
LDR are very difficult. If you are going to be far away and are not going to see her, then I would suggest not pigeon-holing yourself AND HER into a ‘relationship’. Like you yourself said, you’ve been on two dates. Do you really want to label what you have with this girl? If a few weeks from now you discover she is not who you thought she was, or find someone else who is more to your liking?

Have the confidence in yourself that if yours and hers paths don’t meet up that you can still find someone else. Because you CAN! That confidence will be more attractive than you think. be cool:cool:

Also, if you ever have a chance to say something face to face do it, rather than text. I understand the distance part of the LDR, but next time you have an opportunity, don’t wait til youre far away and have to text.
 
Don’t use texts. They’re much too impersonal and way too short to get anything meaningful in.

If you can’t talk on the phone, perhaps because of long distance costs, then email or use Skype or Facebook private messaging… but at least use a means where you can express yourself better than fiddly little messages on a mobile phone screen. It will all too quickly become impersonal and a delay in replying, for any reason, may set up worries and suspicions or fears about the will or the motive of the other person.

Long distance relationships are always fraught with difficulty, but they’re not impossible. Just don’t set yourself up for a fall.

I hope it all works out for you.
 
I hate to break it to you, but texting a new girlfriend once a week will make for a very brief relationship. Honestly - unless you two can have regular in-person contact, I would not bother trying to start a new romance via text messaging. How do you even get to know someone that way? When my husband and I were in college (dating), we saw each other at least once a week in person and talked on the phone at least an hour a day, if not more. I really would not recommend dating long-distance unless you are already very close to this girl and heading toward an engagement.
 
As somebody who has been in an international and intercontinental long distance relationship for several years with both the woman in question and myself living at some point in the street and then in a total of 8 different countries at different times, due to work and family obligations (war, sick mother, job loss, visa problems, you get the idea), here are my 2 cents worth of advice: whether or not a long distance relationship works or not depends on the people involved. Not everybody can handle that. This is not fully under your control. The most important thing is a complete commitment. Apart from God, nothing should be more important for the partners involved and it has to be clear that the goal is marriage - even if you do not see each other for long periods and even if you are technically unable to communicate. Since you seem to be in the same country, this should not be a problem. Unfortunately I does not say how old you are. Also, are you and the lady in question a couple or are you just getting to know her? You will have to make an effort without pressuring her.
 
hcmusicguy said:
Speaking as someone who was in a LDR for over a year and a half with someone who was 500 miles away and who is now my wife 😃 …

All other logistical issues notwithstanding, I would advise against a “text” relationship. During our courtship, my wife and I never exchanged a single text message–mostly because it’s just not the way we preferred our relationship to go, but also because both uf us have so-called “dumb phones” which of course are not concudive to text messaging in large doses!

I believe that the best way for someone in your situation to communicate with their significant other is to actually talk to each other. She will appreciate hearing your voice, and you will appreciate hearing hers. It’s also just a more intimate and personal way to talk than reading a bunch of characters on a screen. So pick up the phone and call her for goodness sake–she’ll appreciate that! 🙂

For us, any texting is relegated to “pick up x, y, and z at the store on your way home from work”. It works for me.

Congrats on your new relationship, and best of luck to you!
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I agree. Texting is a lazy form of communication and not conducive to getting to know someone. Phone or skype is best, and email is second best means of communication.

Why not just play it by ear in terms of how often? Or ask her how she would like to communicate?
 
Thanks to all who have responded. I should perhaps clarify - we both use instant messaging (Blackberries, to be precise) phones which we both attend to quite often (lots of contacts). While I would like to text more than once a week, I fear intruding on her private space. Maybe thrice a week (once every 2 days or so)?
 
Doesn’t blackberry have Skype? Or can you call her? I don’t know why you would just want to text her a few times a week. Do you mean, you two text back and forth for an hour or so a few times a week?

I think you should approach this logically. She is your girlfriend. With me so far? How often do you text your friends? Answer that and you know how often you text with her. She is your friend, she just happens to be a friend you love very much. 😃

I’m pretty sure my friends wouldn’t like it if I sent them one line of text between us every 3 days. 😛
 
Yehuda_Dion said:
Thanks to all who have responded. I should perhaps clarify - we both use instant messaging (Blackberries, to be precise) phones which we both attend to quite often (lots of contacts). While I would like to text more than once a week, I fear intruding on her private space. Maybe thrice a week (once every 2 days or so)?
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May I ask why you do not call, speak on the phone directly or via skype, etc.? That might be more conducive to building the relationship. Hearing someone’s voice really counts!

But, if you are sure you want to keep it to texting primarily then yes, I think once every 2 days is probably reasonable.

There are, however, no written rules about this anywhere! So I would recommend starting at every 2 days and then responding to your “gut” or “instincts” from there. If things are going smoothly, perhaps up the pace slowly. If she is responding slower than anticipated, then maybe lower the pace slowly. Listen to your heart. Don’t overthink this. I know that’s easier said than done but try to relax…

You (meaning your instincts) probably know exactly what to do, you just don’t realize that you know yet!
 
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