How often should my wife call my parents

  • Thread starter Thread starter Conjaman
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It sounds to me like one of those cultural issues… may I ask which cultural background you have, dear OP?
 
It seems excessive and you are a grown man not their child anymore. If you don’t stand up for yourself that you have grown up your family will mingle too much in your marriage and it will not end well. Or her family.
 
Don’t start out your marriage by siding with your family instead of your wife. If she’s not comfortable calling your parents, don’t even bring it up again.

I’ve been married around seven years, and I think I have only called my in-laws a handful of times. My husband usually video chats with his parents once a week, so they can see our son too, and if I’m around I will join the conversation.

It’s weird of your parents to expect this. Do your parents text? Maybe that would be more comfortable for your wife, IF she is interested.
 
I call my inlaws sporadically. Birthdays, anniversaries etc.

It’s been 21 years.

I used to speak to my mom multiple times a day. I would never expect my husband to cell my mom that frequently.

My husband and my inlaws have a weekly lunch meeting. I’m fine with that.

My mother in law can be “dramatic”. Seeing them a couple times a month is good for a cordial relationship. More often is stressful.

I’ve got no extended family except for my sister and my mom who’s in a nursing home.
 
I have to agree with everyone else. You need to side with your wife on this. Your mother doesn’t need to hear from your wife. If she wants to have a closer relationship with her then it should happen naturally.

This is an unreasonable request and it’s better for your marriage to have to argue with your parents over this than your wife.
 
How often does she call her own parents?

Are your parents loving and accepting of your wife , or is this desire for frequent phone calls a way to exert power over her?

Does your wife feel accepted and lived by your parents?
Does she have social anxiety or shyness?
How close is she to other people, like her own friends?

How does your wife feel?

Are your parents highly extroverted and bubbly and just really enjoy people and excitement and company and he feeling of being connected?
Maybe they really love your wife and are just being clumsy in their demands?

Do you have siblings-in-law, and are they required to check-in with your folks.
 
They love her and want to bond. There is tgis yearning for togetherness hence the desire she calls to say hello and a little chat that’s all. The point is my mum calls her most of the time. Hence she made.the remark she doesn’t really call, hence indicative of many things any mind can wander about. Response is never mind shes fine and we are cool. Even when I’m away we are in touch often.
The desire is juat to make them feel they are loved as well as they now see her as one of thiers.
 
My mum loves her a lot and calls her over a period if she doesn’t hear from her. I have siblings in law and not required to check on them but I do check on them often to knkw how they are and they love it. Often relay concerns and ask questions or advise and all sort friends will do. I will like same for my miss and my siblings. I do call her mum periodically and often she buzzes me for chats which I keep up with.
 
Conjaman said:
The desire is juat to make them feel they are loved as well as they now see her as one of thiers.
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That’s a nice thought, but it’s not a good idea.

Your wife is not one of your parents’ kids. She has (or had) parents of her own.

Also, you don’t create an in-law relationship immediately–it takes time to build a relationship. Your parents are rushing this. They should slow down and enjoy what your wife is able to happily offer them, rather than insisting on MORE MORE MORE. It took probably 20+ years to create the relationship they have with you–they shouldn’t expect to instantly have the same relationship with your wife.
 
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Hubby and I have kind of a “you handle yours, I’ll handle mine” arrangement. So did my parents. It worked for them and it works for us. My parents always ask me to say hi to Hubby and DSD and I say hi to my parents from them.

Sometimes MIL will ask to speak to me specifically if there’s something she wants to discuss with me (her mother is essentially a walking mess in terms of her health and I’m a nurse; MIL also has some relatively minor health issues so she sometimes has questions) but that about specifics, not “just to chat”. Hubby and I are introverts and our mutual parents respect that.
 
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