How old is "old enough" for marriage?

[Truly_Beloved]

My husband and I met at 15, started dating at 17, became engaged at 20, and married at 22. We waited until we both graduated from college before marrying… Well, almost… We married one month before my husband graduated.

His folks were nervous about us dating. I was his first girlfriend, and they were convinced that we’d get pregnant in high school and “ruin” our lives (both of us waited until our wedding night). When he decided to propose, he asked his mom, “Where’s Grandma’s ring?” She was like, “What do you mean?” He said, “Grandma’s ring. The diamond one she told me to give to Truly. Where is it?” She was reluctant to give it to him, and finally, he said, “Mom. Do I have to come home and look for it myself? Do you keep it in your jewelry box?” She had it out waiting for him by the time he got home. I love that story; it really showed me that my husband was willing to stand up to his parents for me. My folks? When I told them that we got engaged, I was met with a hug and an “About time!!!”

Neither of us had finished our bachelor’s degrees at the time, and my husband thought that it was best to wait. So we did. I spent 2 years saving up for the wedding (I went to college on scholarship), graduated 6 months early, and we married at the ripe old age of 22.

If we could do it over again? We’d put considerable thought into skipping college altogether. It’s not NEEDED for a good career. There are still industries out there that hire high school graduates and train them for whatever is needed to do the job. The Railroad is one of them, for example, and they pay handsomely and offer great benefits. Even someone working for McDonald’s or a grocery store at 16 can move up to management by the time they’re 20, and earn enough to support a family. No college required, just good old fashioned hard work. Just sayin’.

 

[Corinne3]

Dear One:

Answer: When you love your love with your whole heart and want to commit to her/him forever. This is when you should marry. My grandparents were 16 and 17, when they married and were married for over 50+ years. Others marry in their 40’s/50’s and they only last 5 years. WHY?

You can only this question. I believe it’s strength of character and commitment. Both.

I say, if you are young, and you and your love love each other, go for it! I wish you well. Do not listen to the sick society in which we live saying/believing people need to have careers/sow their wild oats before marriage. This is a load of ****.

God Bless You~

Love,
Corinne3

 

[Corinne3]

I agree.

The Bible says that a man should leave his mother and father and cling to his wife. And the wife should respect her husband.

IMO, if you can’t move out of your parents’ house, you are not ready to be married, no matter how much you love each other.

I realize that in some cultures, young married couples live with their families. But in the U.S., at least until recently, couples moved OUT of their parents’ home and established their own household.

Perhaps this will change as the economy continues to tank in the U.S. But right now, when a young couple goes against our culture and lives with their parents, they usually don’t last long as a couple. It’s really, REALLY important for a married couple to quickly become “one” and that doesn’t just mean in bed. They must establish their own household.

I think a failure to establish a household is probably one of the major reasons why there is so much divorce in the U.S. Each spouse is still clinging to their past life, and they can’t become “one” because they still see themselves as “two.” No wonder they end up splitting.

Hi Cat:

Yes, this is true, to an extent. Still, many “make it” despite. My parents for example lived with my mom’s parents for 5 years, the first few years of their marriage, and are still married now, 60+ years. We lived with my h’s parents the first two and it was hell. We are now divorcing. It has nothing to do, IMO with who you live with, it has to do with values, and values alone. In my circumstance, my husband loves fooling around with strippers, thus ruining our marriage. This has nothing to do with his age, or whether we lived with his parents or not. It has to do with CHARACTER. When the character is there in a person, it does not matter if they are 15 or 60.

I do believe a couple can be very happy either alone or living with relatives, if they have love and commitment. This is the key. And hopefully a spiritual life as well, preferably as a Catholic.

 

[Magickman]

Because marriage should be a mature decision, I think age 30 is the minimum age when people ought marry.

I know that at age 30, age 40, and even age 50, I was not ready to marry. Thank goodness I did not make a rash decision and enter a marital misalliance.

Anyone over the age of 30, knows that they were not fully mature in their early twenties.

There is plenty of time to decide whether, when, and whom to marry.

Now, I am 60, and greatly pleased I did not marry. It is far, far better to be single, and wish you were married, than to be married, and wish you were single.

 

[mommamaree]

I married my husband at the tender age of 19. He was 19 as well. We eloped, because when we got engaged at 18 and started planning a wedding for the next summer, our families freaked out. Both sets of parents told us to break it off, or at least just live together for a while. We ignored them and ran off and got hitched (we were not Catholic at that point, so we just went to a JP to get it done). We have now been married for almost 13 years. Blissful, happy, “getting-better-every-year” years. We are expecting baby #3 and our whole family has been welcomed into the Catholic Church. It just keeps getting better and better for us.
Yes, our parents freaked out even more when we revealed that we were already married against their wishes. But we knew better than to live in sin, and we were desperately in love, and our families were tearing us apart.
And guess what, they know nothing about successful marriages, because all of them have been divorced and remarried mulltiple times. So we really didn’t want to listen to their ‘advice’. And thank God we didn’t! Now, after seeing our marriage grow in love and strengthen and deepen, our parents come to us for marriage advice. They sincerely want to know how we are doing it. What they don’t realize is that the Bible clearly lays out the model of a successful marriage. But they don’t want to hear that from us, so what can we do?
Anyway, to wrap up my long post here, as long as you are of legal age, and you are confident that you are discerning marriage with each other, get yourself to a priest. It sounds to me like it is time for some marriage preparation and wedding planning! Congratulations on having found that someone special so young. It is a tremendous blessing.

 

[dancergal]

Thanks for the responses everyone.

I know it is shameful to live with another person outside of marriage, but what about the opposite? If I marry her, must we live under the same roof right away?

Someone pointed out that if you’re both living with the parents, then it’s probably not a good idea to marry, and I agree.

That being said, my husband and I spent the first 6 months or so of our marriage living in different homes. We got married in February, in the middle of the school year. We were both in college, with one year each still to complete. I lived in my dorm and he lived in his (we were at different colleges, in different cities) until the end of that school semester. It wasn’t until that September that we actually moved in to the same apartment together. We were both 19, and madly in love with each other. Our colleges were close enough that we were able to spend the weekends together.

Looking back at it, I don’t think I would have changed anything. We’re still very happy in our marriage; even happier now that we were then. We both knew that we were ready to commit to each other for life, so we went for it. We never saw a reason to delay marriage just because we hadn’t reached a certain age. We had a way to support ourselves and we knew that we were both in it “for the long haul.” We support each other, we were at similar places with our faith life, and it was what we both wanted, so we went for it. In the end, it’s your decision, and it’s about what you and your girl both feel is right for you.

 

[Cat]

Because marriage should be a mature decision, I think age 30 is the minimum age when people ought marry.

I know that at age 30, age 40, and even age 50, I was not ready to marry. Thank goodness I did not make a rash decision and enter a marital misalliance.

Anyone over the age of 30, knows that they were not fully mature in their early twenties.

There is plenty of time to decide whether, when, and whom to marry.

Now, I am 60, and greatly pleased I did not marry. It is far, far better to be single, and wish you were married, than to be married, and wish you were single.

Although I respect your personal decision to not marry, I disagree that 30 is the minimum marriage age, especially for women.

My reason for disagreeing is fertility issues. We always need to keep in mind that one of the Church’s reasons for a couple to marry is to produce children to raise in the faith.

Although many women remain fertile throughout their 30s and into their 40s, there are also many women who begin to lose their fertility in their 30s.

Most sources state that the most fertile years of a woman’s life are from the late teens into the twenties. After age 30, things often begin to deteriorate for many women.

It’s so heartbreaking when a couple struggles with infertility, and the thought is in their minds–“Did we wait too long to start trying to get pregnant?” Even if doctors assure them that they didn’t wait too long, the couple can’t get that thought out of their brains. It causes guilt and pain.

My feeling is that couples should be aware that all the love in the world can’t fool biology. Certainly God can work miracles in older women, but this is not a guarantee.

Also, although I thoroughly believe that older men and women can be wonderful parents, ideally, a couple should have children while they are younger so that they will be alive for as many years as possible to enjoy their children, grandchildren, and hopefully great-grandchildren. Again, I believe in older parents! My grandma was 51 when she had her eleventh child , and she wasn’t even Catholic!

 

[rayne89]

Because marriage should be a mature decision, I think age 30 is the minimum age when people ought marry.

I mean this in the nicest possible way -blech! Really, you know how awesome it is to grow up with someone? To figure out life together? Sure there are bumps in the road, there’s hills and valley’s in all marriages.

I think people can get too set in there ways by 30. Be too unwilling to compromise and bend because they haven’t had to share their stuff, their house, their time with someone else for a big part of their adult life. They can spend their money how ever they please, and come and go whenever they please.

I love it that we still dance to our prom song in our living room when it comes on the radio. We signed each others year books. We have over 20 years of memories together and we’re not even 40. As a side note if I had waited til 30 to marry I would not have been able to have a biological child -my heart was too damaged by then.

 

[Charlotte1776]

As a side note if I had waited til 30 to marry I would not have been able to have a biological child .

I know far too many people in this situation. They wait until their late 20s or early 30s to marry, then wait a few more years to have kids, then they find out that their fertility peaked at 27 and that having kids in their mid thirties is either very hard or impossible. And if you want to have multiple kids, you might end up pregnant in your 40s. My mom did that, and it was hard on both her and my brother and me.
Society is tellimg people to put off marriage until your 30s so you can work on your career, have more money, buy a big house, and have plenty of years without the “burden” of children, but when has following the advice of society ever been a good idea?

 

[Corinne3]

I also think it’s very nice to meet and marry your one and only love. This is how it’s meant to be, not have several girlfriends or boyfriends first. Once you give your heart away, and have suffered a few breakups, you lose a little of what love is meant to be, IMO. The precious-ness of it. I’m all for young marriages.

Many say you can’t live on love, I disagree. With love, you can figure out a way to make money. With money and no love, disaster strikes, affairs, etc. Look at many during war times…they married, didn’t have a nickle. My parents told me they ate beans or only soup sometimes when they were first married and didn’t even have a car, and lived in a single apt. and/or with parents at times. We wouldn’;t dare think of this today, in our spoiled generation, especially here in America, where supposedly each child has to have their own room, and every couple just has to have their own car. Ridiculous! I also disagree that you should not live with parents. If you get along that is!!! LOL. They can be mentors to one another. It’s not that common here in America though–the land of independence!

I love hearing stories of couples who meet when they’re in high school or even junior high, then later marry. How sweet~

 

[Corinne3]

I know far too many people in this situation. They wait until their late 20s or early 30s to marry, then wait a few more years to have kids, then they find out that their fertility peaked at 27 and that having kids in their mid thirties is either very hard or impossible. And if you want to have multiple kids, you might end up pregnant in your 40s. My mom did that, and it was hard on both her and my brother and me.
Society is tellimg people to put off marriage until your 30s so you can work on your career, have more money, buy a big house, and have plenty of years without the “burden” of children, but when has following the advice of society ever been a good idea?

Never. I agree fully with you Charlotte!