How Old were you when you first got married? Any regrets?

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ToeInTheWater

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I know this question has been asked before, but as I’ve noticed, on one extreme, teenagers wondering if marriage isn’t their vocation because they haven’t had any success on the dating scene, and on another, people stating “no one should be married in their twenties”.

So I’d like to ask not just about age, but if you think you were the right age. Hence why my specification of when you FIRST got married, as I know many posters here did have the first marriage end in divorce and/or annulment.
 
21, never a day of regret. God was calling and we were so ready.

Granted, DH and I were always old soul, marrying types. There’s definitely no hard rules about when to get married. My personal lower limit is that you should be able to legally toast with champagne at your wedding. But, that’s just me 🙂
 
I had just turned 19 when I got married, met my husband the year before and have been married over 36 years. The funny part is when we went to school together I didn’t like him based on the company he kept. But we ended up working in the same store different departments, and one day after work a bunch of us got together and after speaking to him that afternoon I knew he was the one. I had dated a bunch of guys before him, but none kept my interest, would get bored within a couple of weeks. But not with my husband, 3 weeks after we met, we made plans to get married and have never looked back. I firmly believe that you will know when the right person comes along. To many people marry because they fear being alone, or just settle because they don’t have faith that the right one will come along.
 
27
No don’t regret it, we had been together for 6 years at that point. (He was 29)

(Getting married young (pre-25) isn’t done in either of our families - possibly down to being Irish)
 
I was 26…I think that’s a good age. I had time to finish college and grad school, but I still had time to have three kids (I know some women have kids into their late 30s/early 40s, but for me personally and my individual body, I know I’m not as fertile now as I was ten years ago).
 
I was 21 my husband was 22. This past month we were celebrating our 42nd anniversary.
 
I was 23, my husband was 24.

We had a long engagement - 2.5 years. I think we could have gotten married earlier and it would have been fine. So that’s really my only “regret” about it.
 
We married one month after my 19th birthday. My husband was 19 at the time as well.

No regrets.
 
ToeInTheWater said:
I know this question has been asked before, but as I’ve noticed, on one extreme, teenagers wondering if marriage isn’t their vocation because they haven’t had any success on the dating scene, and on another, people stating “no one should be married in their twenties”.

So I’d like to ask not just about age, but if you think you were the right age. Hence why my specification of when you FIRST got married, as I know many posters here did have the first marriage end in divorce and/or annulment.
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I got married at 29, and 25 years later, we’re still married. I have no regrets. 🙂

Researchers say that the human brain, and specifically the portion that has a lot to do with personality, does not finish developing until about age 25. So, a couple that marries before then literally might not even be the “same people” when they are just a few years older.

I tell my kids:
  1. Graduate from High School
  2. Go to college (if appropriate)
  3. Get a good job
  4. Get married
  5. Have kids
IN THAT ORDER. 👍
 
Randy_Carson said:
I got married at 29, and 25 years later, we’re still married. I have no regrets. 🙂

Researchers say that the human brain, and specifically the portion that has a lot to do with personality, does not finish developing until about age 25. So, a couple that marries before then literally might not even be the “same people” when they are just a few years older.

I tell my kids:
  1. Graduate from High School
  2. Go to college (if appropriate)
  3. Get a good job
  4. Get married
  5. Have kids
IN THAT ORDER. 👍
Click to expand...
I got married 3 days after my 19th Birthday, My Husband was 23. We had 8 wonderful years and 5 sons before he died in an accident. 3 years later I remarried, had 4 more and he died at age 47. I have been single since. I love & enjoy my family and love my Faith. They have been my strength thru the years. God Bless, Memaw
 
I was 23, and he was 25. We dated for a month before we got engaged, we were engaged for 6 weeks. I firmly believe that God brought us together, and am also of the camp “You will know when it’s right.”

I don’t regret how fast it was and I don’t regret us being so “young”. There is something to be said for having needed to “grow up” together.
 
Perian said:
21, never a day of regret. God was calling and we were so ready.

Granted, DH and I were always old soul, marrying types. There’s definitely no hard rules about when to get married. My personal lower limit is that you should be able to legally toast with champagne at your wedding. But, that’s just me 🙂
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Funny!
 
Randy Carson;12594271 said:
Plus, a number of mental illnesses typically pop up in the late teens/early 20s, so there’s a lot to be said for mid-20s as opposed to earlier.
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We were both 21 and have been married for 30 years. Absolutely no regrets, but looking back I would like to have been more mature (less selfish) so as to have been a better husband in those early years.
 
I was 19 and my ex was 21. Yes, I regret it, but not because of age. I think people in that age group can make fine marriages. I regret it so deeply because I didn’t even like the man. I made a huge mistake marrying him, but I thought it was the right thing to do because we had a child together. The 5 years we were “married” were a complete disaster. Abuse, infidelity, endless screaming matches, total lack of security financially and otherwise, etc.

I met my husband when we were both 24 and we wanted to marry within a few months. The question had been asked and answered. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to marry when we wanted to because I was still legally married to my ex. Separated with absolutely no chance, but unable to afford the divorce. We moved in together when we were 26. DH wanted me to be SAHM because the kids were so young that daycare for me to work was ridiculously expensive compared to what I would make, so we saved up for my divorce. The divorce became final just after I turned 27. DH and I married civilly 2 months later. Our 12 year anniversary was Dec. 9th. The only regrets I have there are that my previous “marriage” prevented DH and I from marrying when we wanted to marry and that it now keeps us from the Sacraments as I wait for annulment.
 
I married my ex-husband when I was 19 and he was 26. We had three children together, two girls and a boy. Unfortunately, I was not mature and was not seeking marriage for any of the “right” reasons. I was young and scared and needed someone to stand in the role of parent for me which he did. Everything started to fall apart when I gained some maturity and saw that he was not willing to grow in the relationship and accept that I didn’t need him to tell me what to do, when and how to do it anymore.

I can’t say that I regret it, though…I have three wonderful children, (all grown up, now.) My main regret is that we couldn’t work things. He has been a very good father to his children and I am very grateful for that.

If I had it to do over again, I would wait until I was older and more ready to handle the type of commitment required for a lifetime with another person.
 
Randy_Carson said:
Researchers say that the human brain, and specifically the portion that has a lot to do with personality, does not finish developing until about age 25. So, a couple that marries before then literally might not even be the “same people” when they are just a few years older.
Click to expand...
I think that the core personality is already present long before that 25 year mark. It’s just not “fully baked” until 25. Besides, it’s not like growth and change stop at 25 and what you see at that age is what you get. People grow and change throughout the years. What we’re doing when we marry is agreeing to spend our lives with the core personality. The details will change over time. It’s the core that matters.
Xantippe said:
Plus, a number of mental illnesses typically pop up in the late teens/early 20s, so there’s a lot to be said for mid-20s as opposed to earlier.
Click to expand...
Yes. My ex was diagnosed with mental illness long after our divorce. When I heard about it I was not surprised in the least. There were definite (glaring, really) signs of serious issues when he was in his late teens-early 20’s, but everyone chalked them up to him being young and immature and having poor impulse control. No one thought there might be a real problem until he was still acting the same way into his 30’s and 40’s. I believe he was in his late 30’s when diagnosed and I have heard he only took meds for a short period of time.

Because we were so incompatible in so many ways and because I didn’t like him as a person I don’t think him being treated would have made a difference in the “marriage”, but he might have been able to be a better father. He has 2 grown children from 2 different mothers that he was never involved with and he never financially supported despite court orders. Then he has 2 children with me that he hasn’t been involved with other than an occasional phone call and that he has also never supported despite court orders. One is grown and the other nearly grown. He now has 2 young children with his wife that his parents and the state are supporting. Him being in treatment might have spared his current wife some misery and made him a better father to the children he has with her. Unfortunately, last I heard, he was refusing medication and not even in therapy.
 
I was 23 and he was 27. We dated 2.5 years before he proposed and had a year engagement. He’s my best friend. I wouldn’t change anything.
 
We were in our late twenties, been married three years now. I think I would have preferred marrying a couple of years earlier, mostly because I think we dated too long anyway and because I think having children in my thirties is probably a little harder physically than it would have been earlier. I do feel more secure though, knowing that I have a few years under my belt in a career, and that I could support us if anything happened. Although some people are just fine, I never could have made it through college or grad school with kids.
 
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