Sorry in advance … This is quite long.
On the girl, herself: The friendship we developed was unhealthy in every respect. She was infatuated with me in a romantic and sexual sense, and attempted to sway me into a relationship of that kind by telling me, in much greater detail, many of the things I’ve listed above. I was interested in helping and caring for her, and tried to do as much as I could through writing and the phone (she lives in Texas). But she needed constant (sometimes hourly) advice, encouragement, sympathy and whatever else she could squeeze out of me for a host of minor problems; (“I said this to so and so, and now I think they hate me.”, “My mother said this to me in an angry tone, and it hurt… I’m about to cry.”) This went on for nearly 2 years, and I realized that, not only was I being swayed to sin by being idle in wasting my time trying to assuage her mini issues instead of doing my own housework and job-hunting and all that, but that she was wearing my resistance to a relationship down by forever whining and appealing to my emotions in appearing so vulnerably helpless, being sexually seductive towards me very often, and a host of other things. One must realize that, before I decided to convert, and found a man with whom I’m happily involved, I was attracted to both sexes for many years. I sometimes gave into her seduction, and would feel horribly afterwords, and that, among other things too numerous to detail here, is why she is a former friend. I don’t know enough about bipolar disorder, (or sexual abuse) to know if any of these behaviors are typical of either.
Her family is largely to blame, of course. When I said they’re truly worthy of a place in Springer’s cannon, I’m thinking of all the rape, incest, molestation and so-on that she has suffered at their hands, their various drug problems, that many of them (including her own mother) have no education beyond junior high, etc. and are incredibly lazy (there is always an excuse, no money, someone had it in for them, too little time, etc) why nothing practical is ever accomplished. They live off of whomever will take them in, none have steady jobs, insurance, manners, I could go on. Unfortunately, they have passed these behaviors onto her, and as much as I want to help her, I cannot think of any way which doesn’t involve either coddling her to no end, or telling her bluntly what her problems are, and how she might solve them, neither of which works. If she thinks she is being criticized, her immediate response is either to cry, or to emotionally shut down and abruptly leave, then to call her critic heartless and accuse her of having issues. Any small disagreement was cause for ending the friendship permanently, but that inevitably lasted a day or two, and then she’d be begging to talk with me again, needing my help, missing me too much, lonely and sad and wanting me sexually, or whatever else, and I’d feel sorry for her plight and continue the friendship against my better, logical judgement. In the meantime, she’d barely have fixed any of her own difficulties, but if some small improvement had by chance been made, she expected to be praised and complimented for every bit of it. And I, as one of the very few friends she had, was allowing myself to be manipulated by all of these whims and moods and stories of hers. For my own mental and emotional health, (I’m a depressive), as well as the health of my soul, I had to leave that environment and now refuse to contact her, or respond to any contact she tries to begin, as this codependent, unhealthy cycle will only renew itself.
She has never stayed in therapy for more than a few sessions. Either there is no money, or the therapist is flirting with her (keep in mind that about 90 per cent of the things which happen to her, as she interprets them, involve someone being sexually attracted to her, or vice versa, and many times, said attraction is concluded inappropriately, hence the incest and so-on.) I’ve heard so much of this over the last couple of years that I highly doubt a good bit of it is true, which makes me doubt a large amount of what she says, especially as she only reveals her motives gradually if at all. I have experienced firsthand how she can view someone’s attentions as sweet while they are in the room, but once their presence is removed, they become yet another monster in the procession of folks who have used her for something.
I’m sorry to burden you all with all this junk, but it’s been troubling me for years now, and I’m not sure if there is anything I could have or should have done for her, or if it is simply best to avoid her as what she does is only leading me into sins of all types?
