How serious a sin is this

[AnneTeresa]

How serious is it when you talk negatively about others? And what if it’s deserved – I get really irritated with incompetence at work or when people repeatedly do things that make me nuts and/or are really wrong in a business sense, and sometimes tell others because I’m so frustrated.

Also, how do you break a habit where you get so irritated with others and even though you try to not talk about them, it comes out later in small ways by what you say. And you do this very frequently even though you try to stop. I could use some help figuring out how to conquer this sin.

 

[Bookcat]

(It depends…somethings can be venial …and some could even be grave)

But here is some info from the Catechism in this area

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.278 He becomes guilty:

• of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
• of detraction who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;279
• of calumny who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.280

2479 Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm#IV

 

[JRKH]

How serious is it when you talk negatively about others? And what if it’s deserved – I get really irritated with incompetence at work or when people repeatedly do things that make me nuts and/or are really wrong in a business sense, and sometimes tell others because I’m so frustrated.

It depends on who you are talking negatively to…If it is someone who has responsibility and if the discussion is about improving work efficiency (including making the work environment more pleasant) then it is fine. “Pillow talking” with your spouse about frustrations at work may not be entirely correct (after all s/he might meet this person someday) but it can give you release and perhaps some new perspective.
Crabbing to co-workers about someone in the lunch room is bad.

Also, how do you break a habit where you get so irritated with others and even though you try to not talk about them, it comes out later in small ways by what you say. And you do this very frequently even though you try to stop. I could use some help figuring out how to conquer this sin.

This is a tough one…I’ll have to let you know when I figure it out…:blushing:

The bottom line is that we need to learn to control our tongues better. To never say anything that we have not consciously thought about…It’s amazing how much we “shoot off our mouth” with-out thinking. Most of the time it’s no problem but then there are those times when you wish you could call something back.

As an exercise, I have tried to make myself talk more slowly and deliberately. It makes a pretty amazing difference…But I must admit that I fail quite a bit in this area.

Peace
James

 

[MaryT777]

How serious is it when you talk negatively about others? And what if it’s deserved – I get really irritated with incompetence at work or when people repeatedly do things that make me nuts and/or are really wrong in a business sense, and sometimes tell others because I’m so frustrated.

Also, how do you break a habit where you get so irritated with others and even though you try to not talk about them, it comes out later in small ways by what you say. And you do this very frequently even though you try to stop. I could use some help figuring out how to conquer this sin.

Mary:
I really admire your great honesty in your post. My first thought is to turn to the Bible for verses on Gossip to study.

Holding people accountable for incompetence at work is acceptable if done in accordance with company policy and not a “tattle tale” mode which is not your concern. It seems you
are concerned with the direction of the company.

I’m not sure what you mean when people do things that make you nuts. Like what examples could you give?

When you become irritated with others pray for them and perhpas for more patience which I have to pray for often. We have all irritated others at times and forgive one another as well.

Peace in Christ to you,
Mary.

 

[ilySHJ]

How serious is it when you talk negatively about others? And what if it’s deserved – I get really irritated with incompetence at work or when people repeatedly do things that make me nuts and/or are really wrong in a business sense, and sometimes tell others because I’m so frustrated.

Also, how do you break a habit where you get so irritated with others and even though you try to not talk about them, it comes out later in small ways by what you say. And you do this very frequently even though you try to stop. I could use some help figuring out how to conquer this sin.

It seems I could’ve written these words of your post myself! There are not enough hours in the day for me to pick up the pieces of those who are incompetent. People who lie about what they’ve completed, who simply lollygag & hope someone else will do the actual job - grrrrrrr!!!

What I find myself falling into is that in sorting it out w the boss, it slips a few rungs lower, and then I’m just cutting the person down.

Recently, I read that detraction is a mortal sin; before that I thought only calumny was grave matter. A priest told me what I was doing wasn’t detraction, but it seems that sometimes I make one comment too many.

The thing I remind myself is that every person has a right to his/her good name.

 

[Kathrin]

Try to see the other person as jesus would. To ask yourself, what would Jesus say? And to see Jesus IN the other person.

 

[OneSheep]

Try to see the other person as jesus would. To ask yourself, what would Jesus say? And to see Jesus IN the other person.

What a great post. And from Switzerland, one of my most favorite places on earth!

How serious is it when you talk negatively about others? And what if it’s deserved – I get really irritated with incompetence at work or when people repeatedly do things that make me nuts and/or are really wrong in a business sense, and sometimes tell others because I’m so frustrated.

I will try to add a little to all the great advice you have already received. What I am reading from your OP is that you feel very frustrated with some of the things that your coworkers do or don’t do. I am guessing that you have very clear ideas about how people are to do their jobs and conduct themselves, and others are violating those rules. Like all of us, you have a need for order, competence, and respect.

Well, hard as it may be, when we consider what Jesus would do, the first thing to do is to forgive. For some help, remember “forgive them, for they know not what they do”. Try to see their blindness or reasons for being inconsiderate. We are all capable of blindness and incompetence. And pray for them.

Also, how do you break a habit where you get so irritated with others and even though you try to not talk about them, it comes out later in small ways by what you say. And you do this very frequently even though you try to stop. I could use some help figuring out how to conquer this sin.

Here again, forgiveness would be helpful. Every day, try to think back to the times you felt resentful and look at these instances as opportunities to forgive. I am not suggesting that you avoid talking to them. You may want to check out Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg for methods on how to communicate with your coworkers about the problems.

As far as “conquering the sin”, that is a tough one. We can counteract our resentment by remembering to forgive. But all of us have our own personal rulebooks, and all of us react when people, including ourselves, violate those rules. It is a rather triggered thing.

Jesus told us not to judge (condemn) others, but He did not spend near as much breath talking about avoiding judgment of others as He did about forgiveness. I think that this is so because it is so hard to intervene on our own negative thinking, to avoid judging. We are doing really good by becoming aware of the fact that we have judged, and then remembering that it is then time to forgive.

 

[Kathrin]

Also it helps to remember that everybpody has their whole many stories and sometimes reasons we do not even think of that make them act in a certain way.