How should a Catholic deal with an adulterous spouse?

[glendab]

Hello Doc.

Not to be argumentative but to learn, can you please cite the other part of the body of laws that would apply? Are you speaking of dogmatic constitutions, catechisms, papal encyclicals, Congregational interpretations, etc.or something else? If you are, can you kindly point out which ones specifically refer to either privilege or nullity grounds? It helps to discuss specific reference material.

See my above post that lists all of them. The body of the Church’s laws are a body, that means there are different parts. Here is the list again if you don’t want to read the post: “Canon law is a normative system that includes canones, decreta, decretalia, constitutiones, praecepta, responsiones, rescripta, epistolae, and legal customs.” It isn’t the only laws though. Their Authority comes from the ius divium positivum - the positive divine law of Jesus Christ. This is all the stuff He told us to do when He was among us those three years, from the Sermon on the Mount to the Last Supper and all the way to the Great Commission.

Glenda

P.S. I am not going to look up all the citations that you are asking for. I do not have that much time to devote to the subject and it would take me sometime. It would also require me typing them out here because many of the books I use aren’t on line. The Church permits divorce and provides for the annulling process. If you need documentation go to those who do such works and ask them for proof that the Church actually annuls after civil divorce. I’m sure if you have the money to pay a Canon Lawyer he can give you all the time and expertise you need. Talk isn’t cheap.

 

[BeingSaved]

The Church teaches that everything should be done by the spouses to forgive and make the marriage work. If it cannot then a separation is permitted. More than likely the couple will get a legal divorce but they remain married in the eyes of the Church.

Please note that being unfaithful is not grounds for annulment. Nothing that happens after the marriage has taken place are grounds for annulment. For example, if a husband is unfaithful, or a drunkard who beats his wife and children, or a gambler, or drug addict or whatever none of those things are grounds for annulment…

Dear Thistle;

What is the reasoning behind this CC rule? For example, what you described in the above sentence, all those things constitute ‘unfaithfulness by the spouse’, ie adultery, beating wife and children, gambing drug addiction,.,.etc.

From scripture doesn’t Jesus say that unfaithfulness is ground for divorce?

 

[glendab]

Hello Thistle.

I repeat. Grounds for annulment apply ONLY TO MATTERS PRIOR to the marriage. Nothing that happens during a marriage constitute grounds for annulment. They would only serve to support any grounds PRIOR to marriage.
You are the one wrongly telling people that what happens during a marriage are grounds for annulment. THAT IS COMPLETELY UNTRUE.

All I said is that everything that happens is a marriage gets examined during the process, not just the wedding day circumstances. I never used the words “grounds for an annulment.” Please don’t put words in my mouth that aren’t there. Perhaps you are confusing me with someone else.

I would like to ask you where your information is coming from. Your attitude is as if you are an expert on the subject. You keep telling everyone they’re wrong and all that matters is what the circumstances were on the day of the wedding to determine if the Sacrament was valid when it was given. That is only part of the picture. Why won’t you admit this? Where is your information coming from and why do you think your words alone are authoritative? You have no degree nor are you a lawyer or marriage counselor. You are only a layperson like the rest of us. You aren’t an authority on marriage. Please stop acting as if you speak for the Church.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, but I know you’ll ignore it, but the Pope can actually declare a marriage null. He has in the past and there are those who seek the Holy See’s assistance in marital matters. Surely you wouldn’t insist that the Pope be bound by your Marriage Tribunal’s decisions, would you? He isn’t the only one who can do this BTW. There are others and they aren’t part of the Marriage Tribunal though if they did act, they would notify them of their decision. Do you think they too are under the Tribunal?

Adultery is a reason the Church can permit a divorce and once divorced then can allow an annulment. This would be a very complicated matter and there really are no cut and dried answers for those in such positions. It is an act of mercy to do so. And that is the real task when the Church gets involved - to reconcile those in the mess to God and see to it they stay that way.

Glenda

 

[EasterJoy]

The Church teaches that everything should be done by the spouses to forgive and make the marriage work. If it cannot then a separation is permitted. More than likely the couple will get a legal divorce but they remain married in the eyes of the Church.

Please note that being unfaithful is not grounds for annulment. Nothing that happens after the marriage has taken place are grounds for annulment. For example, if a husband is unfaithful, or a drunkard who beats his wife and children, or a gambler, or drug addict or whatever none of those things are grounds for annulment.
Grounds for annulment apply only to matters PRIOR to the marriage taking place. It is possible that something that happens during the marriage may support something that happened prior to the marriage but things that happen during the marriage in themselves are not grounds for annulment.

The Church says in canon law that “Although it is earnestly recommended that a spouse, moved by Christian charity and concerned for the good of the family, not refuse forgiveness to an adulterous partner and not disrupt conjugal life, nevertheless, if the spouse did not condone the fault of the other expressly or tacitly, the spouse has the right to sever conjugal living unless the spouse consented to the adultery, gave cause for it, or also committed adultery.”

The other situations you describe are also grounds for severance of the conjugal living. These don’t render the marriage invalid, but they relieve the innocent spouse of the *duty *to continue to try to make the marriage work.

It is not reasonable to ask someone to reconcile with an offender who is not willing to stop the offending behavior. The offense must be renounced and the offender must be willing to make some effort to regain the trust that was violated. Even when we offend against God, the source of Infinite Mercy, this much is required of us.

 

[LongingSoul]

I repeat. Grounds for annulment apply ONLY TO MATTERS PRIOR to the marriage. Nothing that happens during a marriage constitute grounds for annulment. They would only serve to support any grounds PRIOR to marriage.
You are the one wrongly telling people that what happens during a marriage are grounds for annulment. THAT IS COMPLETELY UNTRUE.

Is it not more accurate to say that the grounds for annulment exist at the moment of the marriage rather than prior?

In an earlier post I raised the situation of a couple who due to ignorance or something else, did not marry rightly but who consequently developed ‘rightness’… not being required to re-do the marriage.

There is an element of fluidity that must, of course, be subject to official examination, but nevertheless, does draw from circumstances both before and after the moment of the pronouncement of marriage in having a fullness of meaning.

 

[Starrsmother]

All I can say is that I believe this “Thisltle” person believes he’s right. Having said that, if you’ve ever been through an annulment yourself or with a family member,then you see where he or she is wrong. You know from experience–just as I do that things that happen after a marriage are taken into account. Is it worth arguing with someone who is clueless? Not to me!

 

[glendab]

Hello Longing.

Is it not more accurate to say that the grounds for annulment exist at the moment of the marriage rather than prior?

In an earlier post I raised the situation of a couple who due to ignorance or something else, did not marry rightly but who consequently developed ‘rightness’… not being required to re-do the marriage.

There is an element of fluidity that must, of course, be subject to official examination, but nevertheless, does draw from circumstances both before and after the moment of the pronouncement of marriage in having a fullness of meaning.

Thistle will not reply to your example or mine of Saints Teresa and Sanchia of Portugal either because they show that her answer is insufficient. She also won’t reply to the fact that there are others who can and do nullify a Sacramental marriage like the Pope. What bothers me is her expectation that everyone take her word for it as the Church’s own. That is not good and can actually hurt folks, not to mention it is a big sin too. Oh well. So much for tryin’. Thanks for sharing. Keep it up.

Glenda

 

[Starrsmother]

Hello Longing.

Thistle will not reply to your example or mine of Saints Teresa and Sanchia of Portugal either because they show that her answer is insufficient. She also won’t reply to the fact that there are others who can and do nullify a Sacramental marriage like the Pope. What bothers me is her expectation that everyone take her word for it as the Church’s own. That is not good and can actually hurt folks, not to mention it is a big sin too. Oh well. So much for tryin’. Thanks for sharing. Keep it up.

Glenda

Ditto. The one thing I’ve learned about this site (through hard experience) is that there are a plethora of experts on it. Some are the admins and some are the posters. Both can be equally irritating which is why I tend to post and if someone like Thistle wants to take exception with it, I drop out of the conversation usually. I have too much in my life to worry about people who think they are always right and will never listen anyway! It’s a total waste of time and energy!

 

[glendab]

Hello Starr(name removed by moderator).

Ditto. The one thing I’ve learned about this site (through hard experience) is that there are a plethora of experts on it. Some are the admins and some are the posters. Both can be equally irritating which is why I tend to post and if someone like Thistle wants to take exception with it, I drop out of the conversation usually. I have too much in my life to worry about people who think they are always right and will never listen anyway! It’s a total waste of time and energy!

You’re 300% correctimundo! Thanks.

Glenda

 

[lily22]

Move out of the house, or let them move out, and watch them dig their own grave. No further action necessary.

Oh, and DO NOT leave the Church. Do not change your job that God called you to. Do Not lose contact with your kids, unless some court people remove them from you. Refuse to change. Be happy, and always joyful.

 

[wilsonlinda]

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Best Regards
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