How should I confront a friend looking at explicit material?

[Mperea75]

I have recently come accross a friend that I have found videos and other explicet materials on his PC. How should I approach this situation.
I know I could just go up and tell him but since he also one of my roommates what do I do??

 

[LISA_Annette]

I have recently come accross a friend that I have found videos and other explicet materials on his PC. How should I approach this situation.
I know I could just go up and tell him but since he also one of my roommates what do I do??

Are you really close to him? I would just casually say that he has some stuff (porn??) on his computer, he “may not know about”—and see what he says. He may react “surprised” like wow I did not know that—and then just drop it.

However if he reacts like he knew it was there, Discuss it matter-of-factly, about how it makes you feel and what you think of it and how it is considered sin. Then drop it, and don’t bring it up again. Will he be receptive to your “information” ??: maybe so or maybe not—but at least you planted a “seed” in his mind that will flourish in time, as Jesus says in his parable in the bible.

I f he is not accepting, don’t bring it up again—let him make his own choice----and stay away from his PC.

 

[Safe_Eagle]

When I look back on my life, I have to admit that the ones who really didn’t mix words and told me the cold hard facts are the ones that helped me the most.

I know it’s hard with friends but at the same time charity doesn’t always mean “hearts and flowers”.

You might try saying “Look, Pornogrophy will lead you to hell. You would be wise to get rid of it.”

That’s me however, tell him like it is.

 

[Suz21]

However if he reacts like he knew it was there, Discuss it matter-of-factly, about how it makes you feel and what you think of it and how it is considered sin. Then drop it, and don’t bring it up again. Will he be receptive to your “information” ??: maybe so or maybe not—but at least you planted a “seed” in his mind that will flourish in time, as Jesus says in his parable in the bible.

I f he is not accepting, don’t bring it up again—let him make his own choice----and stay away from his PC.

Yeah, say something, but don’t be pushy. Or accsatory. People immediately close up and become defensive if they hear you say ‘You are wrong’. Address pornography and why it’s so bad. I don’t think most guys realize that it’s something really bad… ‘everyone’s doing it’… blah blah.

Try Pure Love Club- it speaks very realistically.

What’s wrong with looking at porn?

 

[jlyn1110]

I have a friend who has struggled with this vice in the past…if your friend is (or ever was) Catholic, he probably has some understanding of the immorality of pornography. In that case, perhaps mention it from a very charitable perspective (just once!) and just be as supportive as you can be. Like any addiction or habitual behavior, it will probably take a lot on his part to overcome it. Invite him to Mass with you, and perhaps use that as an opportunity to mention mortal sins that must be confessed before one may recieve the Eucharist.

Try not to let it have too much of an impact on your friendship. And if he rejects your intervention at this point, you can at least pray for him!

 

[LISA_Annette]

When I look back on my life, I have to admit that the ones who really didn’t mix words and told me the cold hard facts are the ones that helped me the most.
I know it’s hard with friends but at the same time charity doesn’t always mean “hearts and flowers”.

You might try saying “Look, Pornogrophy will lead you to hell. You would be wise to get rid of it.”

That’s me however, tell him like it is.

I agree. It is so easy for us to take the attitude that “we aren’t our brother’s keeper”. it is actually a spiritual work of mercy to “admonish the sinner”----Now, how we admonish is all up to us. First off, it is the best thing to pray to the Holy Spirit before “admonishing”, because you want the best fruit to come from it. God knows the person* better *than you and knows in His Mind and Heart, what will lead him back on the right track. The Holy Spirit will even help you in your manner of speaking— in other words give you the gift of counsel. Then be at peace with the results (drop it), and let the holy Spirit work in your friend.

God The Holy Spirit, guide you!
Amen.

 

[Mperea75]

+JMJ
:bigyikes: Yes that is defantly true about staying away from his computer!! He is Catholic and has been away most of his life (as some teens these days sad to say) he has just started living with us a few months ago and has been really receptive the faith. We are slowly teaching more and more about it. When I addressed it to my other roomie (who owns the house) he thought about suggesting watching the Pure love club tv show on EWTN that Jason and Christina Everett do and that would bring it up. And we get into a discussion that not nessarly about his computer just about chasity in gerneral. So he can make the decision on his own, but if it does continue then bring it up to him. What do you think?

 

[montanaman]

One in five pornographic images on the Internet are of a minor, and a significant number of those girls have been forced into porn against their will.

The reason why women are trafficked, repeatedly raped, and eventually destroyed is that there’s a market for it. Tell your roommate he’s contributing to a worldwide racket of rape and slavery.

That’s all you need to say. Once it’s in his head, if he has any remnant of a conscience after that, the seed will have been planted.

 

[LISA_Annette]

+JMJ
:bigyikes: Yes that is defantly true about staying away from his computer!! He is Catholic and has been away most of his life (as some teens these days sad to say) he has just started living with us a few months ago and has been really receptive the faith. We are slowly teaching more and more about it. When I addressed it to my other roomie (who owns the house) he thought about suggesting watching the Pure love club tv show on EWTN that Jason and Christina Everett do and that would bring it up. And we get into a discussion that not nessarly about his computer just about chasity in gerneral. So he can make the decision on his own, but if it does continue then bring it up to him. What do you think?

The fact that he seems open to learning about the Catholic Faith is a good sign—moral teaching is a part of our faith, and it’s good to discuss this with him as well. Watching the Pure Love Club is an icebreaker I guess—he needs to have the word planted in him by different means. Getting into a discussion “not necessarily” about his computer" but about chastity is an excellent thing—specifically discuss taht porn is not accptable, along witha list of other things----but don’t say it in a way that will show you know he has it on his PC. But i.m.o., the best approach is this way because it leaves him the feeling of control still. Let him think about it—he may be so ignorant of moral teaching that he actually believes it is “okay” to indulge in those fantasies. If it continues, you are correct, then bring it up specifically to him.

 

[Pong]

Those are interesting claims, montanaman. Where did you find those figures?

 

[montanaman]

Those are interesting claims, montanaman. Where did you find those figures?

My wife worked for a non-profit that fought to get girls out of the trafficking business. I got the figure from there.

 

[LISA_Annette]

One in five pornographic images on the Internet are of a minor, and a significant number of those girls have been forced into porn against their will.

The reason why women are trafficked, repeatedly raped, and eventually destroyed is that there’s a market for it. Tell your roommate he’s contributing to a worldwide racket of rape and slavery.
That’s all you need to say. Once it’s in his head, if he has any remnant of a conscience after that, the seed will have been planted.

Great points. This is compelling evidence that we ARE our brother’s keeper—we ARE responsible for the sin of others if we keep quiet out of fear of offending someone Pornography is more than just a matter of hurting your perception of the procreative act belonging only between husband and wife—it isn’t about feeling “scrupulous” that you have seen something impure—it is about respecting human life.

 

[JFonseka]

Talk to him nicely at first, if he doesn’t listen, smash his computer over his head

 

[Jay2]

What I’d like to know is how you “found” these materials on his PC?

Using/borrowing someone’s computer is usually for doing some kind of work… “Word”, “Excel”, “PowerPoint”, etc… not parusing their directories for stuff.

(“Finding” porn means you were snooping around - no other explanation for it)
You owe your friend an apology 1st, then think about bringing up your original question.

…—it is about respecting human life…

What about respecting someone’s privacy??

 

[LISA_Annette]

What I’d like to know is how you “found” these materials on his PC?

Using/borrowing someone’s computer is usually for doing some kind of work… “Word”, “Excel”, “PowerPoint”, etc… not parusing their directories for stuff.

(“Finding” porn means you were snooping around - no other explanation for it)
You owe your friend an apology 1st, then think about bringing up your original question.

What about respecting someone’s privacy??

you are right, snooping is wrong, if that is what happened.There would be nothing to discuss in that matter.
I wondered a bit how he could have found it— But since I did not know how it happened that he found the material, I assumed that he had found it by accident. Sorry for being so thoughtless.

 

[LISA_Annette]

What I’d like to know is how you “found” these materials on his PC?

Using/borrowing someone’s computer is usually for doing some kind of work… “Word”, “Excel”, “PowerPoint”, etc… not parusing their directories for stuff.

(“Finding” porn means you were snooping around - no other explanation for it)
You owe your friend an apology 1st, then think about bringing up your original question.

What about respecting someone’s privacy??

Yes this occurred to me, but I naively opted to assume he was not snooping. The point is well made about needing to look through directories as the only way to find the porn.

 

[Mperea75]

What I’d like to know is how you “found” these materials on his PC?

Using/borrowing someone’s computer is usually for doing some kind of work… “Word”, “Excel”, “PowerPoint”, etc… not parusing their directories for stuff.

(“Finding” porn means you were snooping around - no other explanation for it)
You owe your friend an apology 1st, then think about bringing up your original question.

What about respecting someone’s privacy??

:dts: I must say first that I do not snoop. That is not me in any way if it was Lord knows I couldn’t do what I do in my nomal job. I know how important a person’s privacy is especially when it comes to something like a computer it can be a very private thing. We all have a central computer we use in the living room for internet browsing. I have my own in my room and my roomate has one in His office. The other young man does not have one. He is purchasing one but has not yet done so. So he is the only one right now that uses that computer. I used it the other day to check mail and such and that is how I discover this. Especially since IE (intenet exploer) keeps records of the history for over two on our computer settings. After typing in just my yahoo email other things came up in the history bar and we will just leave it at that. But that is how I found it.

But that is a good question the temtation of looking at such things knows age limites or gender. And we all must be mindful of what we watch especially when we are weak and defenceless

 

[LISA_Annette]

:dts: I must say first that I do not snoop. That is not me in any way if it was Lord knows I couldn’t do what I do in my nomal job. I know how important a person’s privacy is especially when it comes to something like a computer it can be a very private thing. We all have a central computer we use in the living room for internet browsing. I have my own in my room and my roomate has one in His office. The other young man does not have one. He is purchasing one but has not yet done so. So he is the only one right now that uses that computer. I used it the other day to check mail and such and that is how I discover this. Especially since IE (intenet exploer) keeps records of the history for over two on our computer settings. After typing in just my yahoo email other things came up in the history bar and we will just leave it at that. But that is how I found it.

But that is a good question the temtation of looking at such things knows age limites or gender. And we all must be mindful of what we watch especially when we are weak and defenceless

thank you for explaining and I am sorry for doubting you . Hope all is well.