How should I convince my fiance

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iluvmybabies

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His father has been trying to reach him since yesterday…He’s so hurt about our situation the way his family-parents and sister- have treated me he doesn’t want to speak with him… How do I convince him to bury the hatchet and just start over? I don’t care if they don’t ever speak with me again you know whatever, but that’s his parents, how can he live not wanting to talk to them? I know he’s angry and hurt but I know that there is still time for forgiveness and to move on you know?! How do I convince him because no matter how I try to put it for him to call him back he refuses to hear me out??? 😦 And these 2 men were inseperable!!! That’s what makes me feel even worst about the whole situation… Very sad for the 2 of them…Thanks for your help in advance greatly appreciated…
 
It is between him and his family, stay out is the very best advice.

Suggest your boyfriend talk to his priest.
 
He might in his own time. I’d let it go. As someone who has periodically not talked to my family due to their horrific behavior the last thing I wanted was my husband trying to convince me to talk to them. Respect his right to his feelings about his family. Be supportive, but don’t assume you know best in this situation.
 
Cider said:
He might in his own time. I’d let it go. As someone who has periodically not talked to my family due to their horrific behavior the last thing I wanted was my husband trying to convince me to talk to them. Respect his right to his feelings about his family. Be supportive, but don’t assume you know best in this situation.
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But what if it was an emergency? Last year around this time his dad fell with a terrible illness and we almost lost him…I was terrified they called him 11 times…I know this because he told me in a disgusted tone today, “guess who called me 11 times!” I was like babe you need to call what if it’s something bad? I don’t want something bad to happen of course not but that’s the first thing that popped in for them to call him so much at so many times in one day! I am freaking out knowing this information now!!! 😦 I hope all is well and hopefully they get another chance… I understand but when there is a history of him getting badly ill I you know I kind of think about my dad, I wouldn’t want to not know you know?!

Thanks for your advise…
 
From someone in the situation - who will tell you there is always a lot more beneath the surface that you don’t know- stay out of it. You can however be empathetic to both sides. When FIL-to-be calls just tell him that you are sorry but your df is not up to talking but if he needs to leave a message you would be glad to pass it along. That will take care of any emergency issues and let everyone know that you are staying out of the middle but trying to be pleasant and that it is your df making the decision.
 
joandarc2008 said:
From someone in the situation - who will tell you there is always a lot more beneath the surface that you don’t know- stay out of it. You can however be empathetic to both sides. When FIL-to-be calls just tell him that you are sorry but your df is not up to talking but if he needs to leave a message you would be glad to pass it along. That will take care of any emergency issues and let everyone know that you are staying out of the middle but trying to be pleasant and that it is your df making the decision.
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I don’t pick up my fiance’s cell phone when they are calling in case you don’t know or don’t remember they are not talking to me anymore…I am the reason my fiance is not talking to his parents, I know it really isn’t my fault it’s his mother’s weirdness and overcontrolling personality causing all this drama, but it had to be something really important otherwise they wouldn’t be calling him so many times!!! In one day!!! 😦

But I will definitely just advise him to just answer the next time they call…at least he will know if it’s an emergency or not…
 
iluvmybabies said:
But what if it was an emergency? Last year around this time his dad fell with a terrible illness and we almost lost him…I was terrified they called him 11 times…I know this because he told me in a disgusted tone today, “guess who called me 11 times!” I was like babe you need to call what if it’s something bad? I don’t want something bad to happen of course not but that’s the first thing that popped in for them to call him so much at so many times in one day! I am freaking out knowing this information now!!! 😦 I hope all is well and hopefully they get another chance… I understand but when there is a history of him getting badly ill I you know I kind of think about my dad, I wouldn’t want to not know you know?!

Thanks for your advise…
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Well since it already happened last year, he clearly knows its a possibility that the calls might be an emergency. He is the one that will live with any possible consequences and regrets. You can’t live his life for him.
 
Cider said:
Well since it already happened last year, he clearly knows its a possibility that the calls might be an emergency. He is the one that will live with any possible consequences and regrets. You can’t live his life for him.
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That is true…I just feel so bad…they called him again 2 times this time so maybe it wasn’t so much as an emergency… I guess I am just going to give him the space he needs and when he’s ready he can chat with his folks…Thanks everyone for your help…
 
Something has me confused, why is he leaving his cell at your house?
 
kage_ar said:
Something has me confused, why is he leaving his cell at your house?
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I didn’t say he leaves his cell at my house, I said he told me his father had called him the other day 11 times, and that he called him again 2 times yesterday… I don’t keep his cell nor will I touch it if his parents/family calls…Meaning if we are together and exam he goes and uses my bathroom leaves his phone around me for that time and if his parents/family calls I will not touch it… His family doesn’t want to talk to me anymore nor do they like me or accept me…long story if you didn’t read my other posts-but his mother just kind of went balistic over an apology…🤷
 
Isn’t this the house that he bought for you and the kids that you are oging to be living in after you are married? That is really sweet of him and the real type of man you need to be looking at not the type like your xh.
 
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