How should I pray?

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Nelka

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I have had enough of my wife saying horrible things to me, sometimes she says stuff that is worse than I hear at work or anywhere else.

I love her a lot and I know she loves me but that thing we have that stops us saying something nasty to someone she doesn’t seem to have with me.

It is very hurtful and it makes me love her less and not want to be around her.

We don’t argue in the normal sense as I never say anything, I just accept what she says whether right or wrong and just get on with it but I do no tknow how much longer I can take it.

It isn’t because of Christmas that she has been like this to me but it is because of Christmas that I am now asking for some advice.

Should I pray for fortitude for me or temperance for her or what?

Thanks.

😦
 
The adversary often strikes through our loved ones: a spouse to a spouse, a son to a mother, a father to a daughter. When it happens, it pierces the heart. The words are terrible, and there is no reason for them to be so hurtful, if it weren’t for this very simple reason: they come from our loved one.

However, they are not their idea. They are suggestions of one who comes unseen and plants weeds among the wheat. His purpose is division. To divide families, to divide the Church, and to divide man from God.

My personal suggestion: ask for nothing but that God’s will be done. This from the spiritual standpoint. From the practical standpoint, others will be able to give better advice than I would. Perhaps talking to her and explaining what is going on and how it affects you would help - in short, healthy communication.
As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Remain in my love.
Click to expand...
 
Nelka said:
I have had enough of my wife saying horrible things to me, sometimes she says stuff that is worse than I hear at work or anywhere else.

I love her a lot and I know she loves me but that thing we have that stops us saying something nasty to someone she doesn’t seem to have with me.

It is very hurtful and it makes me love her less and not want to be around her.

We don’t argue in the normal sense as I never say anything, I just accept what she says whether right or wrong and just get on with it but I do no tknow how much longer I can take it.

It isn’t because of Christmas that she has been like this to me but it is because of Christmas that I am now asking for some advice.

Should I pray for fortitude for me or temperance for her or what?

Thanks.

😦
Click to expand...
I will share with you an excerpt from an early book of Father Scanlan.Franciscan University, Stubbenville, Ohio.
EXCERPT FROM “APPOINTMENT WITH GOD”
MICHAEL SCANLAN:

As a priest, in the last twenty-five years, every time someone has come to me and said,
“I can’t forgive someone or,” I can’t stop resenting so and so, or “ can’t get along with this person”, My answer has always been the same.
“Are you willing to pray for the person?”
“Oh yes, I’ll pray for them.”
“ Well then, I’ll tell you how to pray for them and you will tell me if you are willing to
pray the way I suggest.
Then I proceed to tell them how to pray.

First of all, everyday, pray for the person before you pray for any one else, saying,
“O God I ask you to bless (Jack or Jane) and pour your Spirit out upon him, make him as holy and as happy as possible even if that means he is holier and happier than I am”.

I have challenged people for twenty-five years to pray this way and to come back to me
And tell me the relationship has not been reconciled.
My experience has been if they come back and say they are still having difficulty with the
Relationship, then they have stopped praying,

If you are willing to continue praying, then the situation will change.

You can’t invest priority prayer time day in and day out and not begin to experience change.
Either you change because of the incompatibility of your prayer and the way you feel,

Or the power of prayer changes the relationship .

This can happen because you, the other person, or both of you have responded to the Grace of Change.
It worked for me!🙂
Give it a try Nelka, it may take a while, but hang in there,and trust God:thumbsup:
Peace, Carlan
 
Prayer is an excellent idea.
I would also suggest marriage counseling. There are very simple guidelines for fighting (or “discussions”) that every couple needs to learn, and it sounds as if your wife has not learned them. A counselor could help you and your wife learn and practice them.
They include: sticking to the subject under discussion, not dragging in old hurts.
Never name calling or saying hurtful things.
Never hitting or threatening someone.
Here’s one list.

Sometimes people who don’t know these rules think that just because you’re angry, you can say anything. Not true. A relationship needs to be preserved, so rules have to be followed.
 
Viki63 said:
Prayer is an excellent idea.
I would also suggest marriage counseling. There are very simple guidelines for fighting (or “discussions”) that every couple needs to learn, and it sounds as if your wife has not learned them. A counselor could help you and your wife learn and practice them.
They include: sticking to the subject under discussion, not dragging in old hurts.
Never name calling or saying hurtful things.
Never hitting or threatening someone.
Here’s one list.

Sometimes people who don’t know these rules think that just because you’re angry, you can say anything. Not true. A relationship needs to be preserved, so rules have to be followed.
Click to expand...
I like your list Viki, I copied it for a reminder for myself. We always seem to be fallling short:eek: God bless , and Peace, Carlan
 
Nelka said:
I have had enough of my wife saying horrible things to me, sometimes she says stuff that is worse than I hear at work or anywhere else.

I love her a lot and I know she loves me but that thing we have that stops us saying something nasty to someone she doesn’t seem to have with me.

It is very hurtful and it makes me love her less and not want to be around her.

We don’t argue in the normal sense as I never say anything, I just accept what she says whether right or wrong and just get on with it but I do no tknow how much longer I can take it.

It isn’t because of Christmas that she has been like this to me but it is because of Christmas that I am now asking for some advice.

Should I pray for fortitude for me or temperance for her or what?

Thanks.

😦
Click to expand...
Prayer is necessary, but prayer without action will not save your marriage. If your wife is verbally abusing you and you are responding by emotionally shutting down and stonewalling, then you have a pattern with each other that is far more damaging than a healthy open argument by which you solve conflicts without making personal attacks. If you do not find a way to get your wife to stop these attacks, your relationship will not survive it for long.

Prayers: I would try these. The first is the Serenity Prayer, in its full form. The second is a passage from Psalms that has helped me.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

**–Reinhold Niebuhr **

If the LORD were not my help,
I would long have been silent in the grave.

When I say, “My foot is slipping,”
your love, LORD, holds me up.

When cares increase within me,
your comfort gives me joy.

Psalm 94:17-19
 
So, under the heading of having courage to change things, talk to your pastor or see someone who specializes in marriage counseling (as already suggested by others), and describe your situation to someone who will know what questions to ask you and how to give you the guidance you need to handle the situation without escalating the problems. You might also try books by John Gottman (which libraries tend to have), but in the end there are problems that are best addressed by people who can look us in the eye and talk to us.

When someone violates our trust, it takes reconciliation, and that requires that the offending behavior either stops or is no longer seen as offensive as when the we who have been receiving the behavior see the behavior in a different way and no longer interpret it as offensive, not when we, the victims of abuse, simply try to resign ourselves to clearly inappropriate treatment. When we decide not to stop (or that we cannot stop) offensive treatment against us, that still allows forgiveness, but it can’t help but destroy the relationship. The abuse have to stop before there can be a true relationship of mutual love.

If you put up with the abusive treatment for too long, your ability to trust the spouse who abused you may eventually be destroyed beyond repair. Her resentment at your emotional distancing in response to her emotional outbursts may also go beyond a point of no return. (Emotional distancing, or stonewalling, as a response to conflict is also very damaging to a marriage.) Don’t delay in getting this taken care of, or you may find yourself in an emotionally divorced relationship that cannot be saved, even if it were to survive on paper.
 
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