How should I proceed?

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Thank you for the responses. I spoke with her again this morning, and the conversation was pleasant. Calling her again on Tuesday. The reason that I’ve called only a couple of times in 3 weeks is because for the first two weeks, it’s only emails. The calls have been averaging an hour long and twice per week (plus emails), which I think is plenty, before getting too serious. I think she wants to talk more often, but I really don’t have the time for that right now. I enjoy talking to her, and I can see meeting up with her in the future at some point, but like some posters said, I’m just going to go with the flow, and let God take it in whichever direction it will.
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
I agree that I should keep my expectations low, but aren’t Catholic not supposed to date just for the sake of dating?
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I love that question.

Let me put the hammer to the vase: all-out dating around is basically a less offensive form of spin the bottle game.

Just getting to know people absolutely need not involve getting any single bit more intimate with them physically than friends do and, newsflash, kissing and cuddling is not what friends do (regardless of what people say).

On the other just talking and having a coffee qualifies as civil conversation and actually just getting to know someone. Though in some cases even that feels kinda wrong, such as when it’s obvious you don’t really care for the person. Which is not the case with you right now.

Hope this helped. Pass me the flamesuit on your way out to meet the girl, please. 😛
 
I’m planning to ask her officially about the visit next week. How do I bring it up? By email or by phone? Personally, I’m leaning towards email. She already knows that I’m planning to visit a school in her state at some point pretty much from the get-go. If I do go, it’s probably going to be in August/September.
 
I think that you could float the idea - like, "Hey, maybe when I visit YourState U you and I could have dinner or something…?
But I don’t think you should do it now. You’ve been talking for - a month? Here’s a good rule of thumb - never make plans for something that’s further away than the time you’ve been dating. And given that you aren’t “dating” per se, I think that rule is even more crucial. You’ve still got the rest of June and all of July and etc. to be talking and who knows if you’ll even still be on each other’s radars by August? Hopefully you will - and I think that this is what you’re trying to lock down - but I don’t think you should Ask Her To Meet until you’ve firmed up your schedule to visit places and you can tell her when, exactly, you’ll be around. To sum up: Mention it if you must, but don’t ask until you can ask specifically, and don’t ask now, when it’s still two months away.
(A question: who’s to say you can’t visit a school in July? Generally schools are open for tours in the summer… and if you’re waiting for school to be in full swing - ok, go again! there’d be your second date!)
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
I’m planning to ask her officially about the visit next week. How do I bring it up? By email or by phone? Personally, I’m leaning towards email. She already knows that I’m planning to visit a school in her state at some point pretty much from the get-go. If I do go, it’s probably going to be in August/September.
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Personally. If you absolutely can’t, then phone. If you worry about your voice, practice a bit. I read out stuff in Latin and Greek before being able to control my voice before phoning a girl when I was younger.
 
I was planning to ask her this weekend over the phone, but now I’m kinda getting cold feet, because I don’t feel that I know enough about her to make that decision yet. But the thing is, I’m planning the school visit for early August, and I need to book my tickets and plan out the trip fairly soon. The other thing is that I’m afraid that she might feel that this isn’t moving forward fast enough and lose interest. There’s just a lot of uncertainty involved. How can I take out some of that uncertainty and still be able to move things forward, so that both she and I feel comfortable with it?
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
I was planning to ask her this weekend over the phone, but now I’m kinda getting cold feet, because I don’t feel that I know enough about her to make that decision yet. But the thing is, I’m planning the school visit for early August, and I need to book my tickets and plan out the trip fairly soon. The other thing is that I’m afraid that she might feel that this isn’t moving forward fast enough and lose interest. There’s just a lot of uncertainty involved. How can I take out some of that uncertainty and still be able to move things forward, so that both she and I feel comfortable with it?
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*Just ask her. The worst she can say is ‘no.’ If I were a man, I’d just ask the question, not worry about the answer. If the answer is yes…hey, that would be good…think of the positive. You can second guess these types of situations until you are old and gray…I would simply ask her…over the phone…and if she says no, it’s too soon, hey, then you know.

Worst thing she can say is no. There are worst things in the world than hearing no. 🙂 Go for it, and just ask. :o*
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
I was planning to ask her this weekend over the phone, but now I’m kinda getting cold feet, because I don’t feel that I know enough about her to make that decision yet.
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I understand how you feel… but what you’re basically saying is “I’m not sure I know her well enough to meet her for the first time”. Of course you don’t know her - you’ve never met! There’s no implied commitment in meeting up for lunch or whatever. I tend to think that dating online is nothing more than setting up blind dates for yourself… you’ve got enough information to think that you might hit it off, but you don’t know anything for sure until you actually get together.
 
Thank you. I do feel better about it after talking to her tonight. I think I will ask her this Saturday when I give her a call.
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
Thank you. I do feel better about it after talking to her tonight. I think I will ask her this Saturday when I give her a call.
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I have a feeling this will go well, be confident, and positive…and above all, pray. Good luck to you! 🙂
 
SomeCatholicGuy said:
I was planning to ask her this weekend over the phone, but now I’m kinda getting cold feet, because I don’t feel that I know enough about her to make that decision yet. But the thing is, I’m planning the school visit for early August, and I need to book my tickets and plan out the trip fairly soon. The other thing is that I’m afraid that she might feel that this isn’t moving forward fast enough and lose interest. There’s just a lot of uncertainty involved. How can I take out some of that uncertainty and still be able to move things forward, so that both she and I feel comfortable with it?
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I’ll disagree with Whatevergirl for once. It sounds you aren’t certain about the girl. Solve that first before deciding on the tactics. Waste not want not. 😉
 
chevalier said:
I’ll disagree with Whatevergirl for once. It sounds you aren’t certain about the girl. Solve that first before deciding on the tactics. Waste not want not. 😉
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Oh for Pete’s sake. He should be certain about a girl he’s never met before he decides to meet her? That’s nutty. It’s not like he’s making plans to fly out of state just to meet her, he’s figuring out whether he should meet up with her while he’s out there anyway.

To SCG - since you’re now planning a trip for early August I think the timing is good for making a plan. Good luck! Lots of people are rooting for you!
 
chevalier said:
I’ll disagree with Whatevergirl for once. It sounds you aren’t certain about the girl. Solve that first before deciding on the tactics. Waste not want not. 😉
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for once? really? :D:p

SomeCatholicGuy, I suggested that, because life is too short to hem and haw over these types of things…either ask her, or don’t. But, don’t have an internal struggle with it…that’s all. 😉 Whatever you choose, may God grant you peace with your decision. *
 
organdy said:
Oh for Pete’s sake. He should be certain about a girl he’s never met before he decides to meet her? That’s nutty. It’s not like he’s making plans to fly out of state just to meet her, he’s figuring out whether he should meet up with her while he’s out there anyway.
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He’s already looking at it from a romantic perspective and at the same time he doesn’t know if he wants to go there. That’s pretty much a call for choice situation. It’s one thing if you’re reserved until you’ve collected more data and a different one if you’re already hesitant knowing the little you do.
whatevergirl said:
for once? really? :D:p
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**
I can but answer in the affirmative. 😛
SomeCatholicGuy, I suggested that, because life is too short to hem and haw over these types of things…either ask her, or don’t. But, don’t have an internal struggle with it…that’s all.
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**
Sigh. Looks like there wasn’t much disagreement in the first place then. 😛
 
Alright, a little update. I talked to her Saturday evening, and asked her if I could visit her on my school visit; she said yes. Talked to her again tonight, and just booked my flight and made the car rental reservation. So I’m going to be flying out there on Thursday, do my school visit Friday morning, and then drive up to her town, just in time to take her out to dinner. We have the restaurant worked out, but we’re still working on the details for the rest of the trip. She doesn’t know how much time she can get off from work, since she usually works on weekends, but she will try to get at least one day off that weekend. I’ll be flying back on Monday. I’m hoping and praying that this will go well. Please wish me luck!
 
Wish you luck! Praying for you too!!

Just remember to have a good time and that when you meet someone in person, it takes a while to reconcile the person in front of you with the person that you have been getting to know online and on the phone.
 
Thank you. It’s been going so well that I’m actually a little scared. I think she’s hinting that she might want me to meet her parents.
 
Good! Do it, if that’s the case. It’s what you’ve been waiting for!
 
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