How should I respond when told I'm going to hell?

[maryschild2]

My college-age daughter is seriously dating a college boy whose mother was supposedly raised Catholic, but is now away from our faith and is non-denominational. In a recent discussion with her, she stated that she had no issue with my daughter, but did not want them to marry because their future children would go to hell. When I asked why, she informed me that our family, being Catholic, were all condemned to hell because we had not been born again.

I became very angry at her condemnations, and have forbade my daughter from visiting their home again. The boyfriend is attending Mass with us, and is beginning to see what lies he has been told about our faith. How should I respond to this woman, especially since she is so vocal against our Church?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

There are a number of thorny issues bundled in your question, so let’s first try to sort them out before considering how you should respond to a potential in-law.

• “Forbidding” your college-age daughter to visit her boyfriend’s home may be unwise. Not only is your daughter an adult capable of making her own decisions, but you risk that the boyfriend’s home will become a “forbidden fruit.”
• Starting a feud with someone who may become your daughter’s mother-in-law also may be unwise. It could force your daughter and her boyfriend to take sides and, particularly if you are perceived the instigator, you risk that the side taken will not be yours.
• Primarily, this is an issue that your daughter must deal with. It may be better to allow her to make her own choices and pursue her own relationships, while striving to be a sympathetic sounding board and fountain of maternal wisdom (when asked for drops of motherly wisdom).
  Now, it is also true that you may again end up in conversation with this woman and she may again inform you that you are going to hell. If that is the case, I recommend a cool but not unkind response. You might simply raise your eyebrows, say evenly and without rancor, “How kind of you to say so,” and immediately change the subject.