How should I tell my parents about my interfaith/intercultural relationship?

[starchick21]

Hi everyone! I’m a 20 year old American college student who’s been dating a Japanese international student for nearly three months now. Obviously, my boyfriend and I come from very different backgrounds, and I was wondering how to tell my parents about this relationship without having them freak out over it. A little info on my family: we’re Catholics of Middle Eastern descent (Chaldean, to be specific). I was born and raised in America, while my parents immigrated here in their 20s. My parents aren’t racist (some of my cousins are in interracial marriages), but I know they would have a problem with the fact that my boyfriend was raised without religion (through no fault of his own) like most Japanese people. I know my parents would like him if they met him, though. He’s a genuinely good person: smart, work-oriented, and respectful (as far as sexual matters are concerned, he specifically told me that he won’t do anything I don’t want to do; he doesn’t pressure me at all). This has been eating away at me for a while now, and I’m tired of having to hide this relationship from my parents. Any advice from people who are or have been in interfaith relationships would be greatly appreciated. I really like this guy, and he makes me so happy. He treats me so well. It’s not like I don’t have allies either, because I do. My brother, aunt, and two of my cousins know about my relationship and are totally cool with it, but it’s my parents I’m worried about.

 

[Lenten_ashes]

Hey Star

Don’t mean to sound “preachy” but your parents should be concerned as the bible says do not be unequally yoked 2 Corinthians 6:14

Would he at least be willing to attend marriage classes with you and get married in the church?

Who knows, maybe graces will be received during the process and he comes to know the Lord.

 

[Betuchan]

Original poster don’t be put off! I am Australian (European background) who is engaged to a Chinese man. He was born here in Australia but his parents came over when he was about to be born (he is the second born). Like your partner, mine was only exposed to traditional Chinese Taoism and had little understanding of God/Jesus/the Holy Spirit etc. Please for the people who try and tell others not to date someone who isn’t catholic or religious understand that you may in fact be interfering with someone’s mission in this life and the saving of a soul. Perhaps it is/was God’s plan to have them be exposed to and fall in love with God through seeing their partners faith. For in the bible itself it does say: Peter 3:1-6 That words may not win them over but instead by women’s conduct. And Corinthians1 7.13 and 7.14 especially 7.14 “for the unbelieving husband is made holy through his wife and the unbelieving wife is made holy through her husband”.

And original poster, my partner this Christmas at midnight mass told Jesus he believed in him and accepted him as lord. There is always hope. Pray for your boyfriend that he will come to know God and the truths and wonders of God. I found rosaries and asking our Holy mother Mary to help intercede for these intentions was a great help, but was only made possible by the glorious will of God. Let us know what happens with your boyfriend and parents! Thinking of you xx

 

[KariStars]

My husband too is not my same culture and when we married, not the same faith. God in His mysterious way opened my husband’s heart and he became Catholic. I’ll be praying for you.

 

[starchick21]

Thanks for all the help so far, everyone! Marriage isn’t even something we’ve talked about yet, as we’ve only been together for three months. My main problem is how to tell my parents about the relationship if it starts getting serious. But as far as marriage is concerned, I honestly don’t think my boyfriend would object to a church wedding. If he knew a church wedding would make me happy, he’d do it. Once again, thanks for all your help and prayers!

 

[MT1926]

I am not in an interfaith relationship. Just thought I would share a story.

My wife (24 years now) and I started dating 5 month before I was leaving for college. Definitely love at first sight, told her I was going to marry her the night before leaving for college(we got married 4 years later).

Anyway, college was a priority for my parents so they saw her as nothing but a distraction. They were dead set against a second date after the prom, so I just said why can’t we go back out we are just going to church and for ice cream after. From that point forward made sure every weekend date incorporated mass. How could my parents say no to church. This was also very strengthening to our relationship. Even though he isn’t Christian I am sure he would be willing to go to mass in order to spend time with you. In the end he might start to see the benefit of spending some time with God as well. I think his willingness to mass would be a big step in the right direction for your parents. It would show to them that he isn’t anti-Catholic either.

 

[nodito]

How about, “Mom and Dad, I’ve started seeing a new guy. His name is X and he’s from Japan.”?

Short, simple, honest.

That said, I hope you’ll seriously consider how important a shared faith ought to be in a marriage and in particular how difficult it will be to raise your children Catholic when their father has no belief in the Christian God. It may seem like marriage is a long way off and it is true that people change, but as a general rule, I’m a big believer in beginning things the way you hope to end them.

God bless.

 

[jane_doe]

Another person in an inter-faith marriage here.

Telling your parent’s about your new boyfriend isn’t an issue. Just say it, like you would about any other guy.

Now, as the purpose of dating is ultimately to find a spouse, that is a big factor here. Yes, yes, I know it’s a long way off and you’re not even remotely thinking about it. But still, if there’s a deal breaker written on the wall, dating this guy is ultimately non-productive and can break your heart. So just putting two things out there, simply to make sure that they are not deal breakers for you:

1. Are you willing to accept this man and it’s faith as it is NOW? Yes, he might convert, but never date someone hoping they’re change.
2. Are you willing to sit without him on Christmas Mass, wrangling an unruly 3 year old and screaming newborn?
   If either of these are deal breakers, dating him might be fun for a while, but is ultimately a waste of time.