How should I treat/deal with my step father?

[ellam25]

Hi everyone, I am not sure if there is any specific teachings about this but I thought I could ask for your advice. My mom divorced my dad (she had been seeing another man the last 6 months of their marriage) and remarried this man my now “step father” by law. They proceeded to kick my dad out of the house (because it was under my mom’s name, even though he had recently sunk around 5k into fixing it up in the last year) and are fighting his rights to be able to see my sister anytime except for every other weekend. Because of their treatment of my dad, I can’t help but despise him esoecially now that he is moved into the house where I grew up (where I was born, actually) and is sharing a bed with my mom that my parents shared for 27 years. I just have such a hard time saying hello to him and acknowleding him when he is around, and it makes me sick when I see my mom hanging on him like some teenager with her new boyfriend. I am 25 years old and out of the house, but I still go and visit her and my two sisters, only to see him and just think how much I can’t stand him. I feel like I am not behaving correctly and that I should be being nicer to him or something but I can’t help it. He broke up my family And I know it takes 2 to tango, but I can’t be mad at my mom so most of my anger goes to him. Anyway sorry for the rant but advice would be appreciated.

 

[newf]

You do not have to like the new guy your mom married. You don’t have to approve of their relationship, either. But you do need to be polite when you see him. No long discussions. Just ‘hello’ and ‘it sure is a nice day today’, stuff like that. And you can limit that.

How about you make arrangements to pick your sisters up and take them out for a few hours so you don’t have to put yourself in their home?

You also need to see that your mom is just as much a part of the problem as the new guy she married. It is painful and disappointing, for sure. But your mom cares more about her love life than she does your feelings or your sisters’.

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

It really makes you think twice about putting your house in joint tenancy.

 

[CB_Catholic]

Hi everyone, I am not sure if there is any specific teachings about this but I thought I could ask for your advice. My mom divorced my dad (she had been seeing another man the last 6 months of their marriage) and remarried this man my now “step father” by law. They proceeded to kick my dad out of the house (because it was under my mom’s name, even though he had recently sunk around 5k into fixing it up in the last year) and are fighting his rights to be able to see my sister anytime except for every other weekend. Because of their treatment of my dad, I can’t help but despise him esoecially now that he is moved into the house where I grew up (where I was born, actually) and is sharing a bed with my mom that my parents shared for 27 years. I just have such a hard time saying hello to him and acknowleding him when he is around, and it makes me sick when I see my mom hanging on him like some teenager with her new boyfriend. I am 25 years old and out of the house, but I still go and visit her and my two sisters, only to see him and just think how much I can’t stand him. I feel like I am not behaving correctly and that I should be being nicer to him or something but I can’t help it. He broke up my family And I know it takes 2 to tango, but I can’t be mad at my mom so most of my anger goes to him. Anyway sorry for the rant but advice would be appreciated.

I agree that you need to be respectful to them both. I am a child of divorced parents who remarried and know how hard it is to accept they are divorced, and accept the new spouse. BTW, he is not your legal stepfather unless he adopted you.

Also remember that it took two people to create this situation–a fact you must face for reality’s sake, so you need to acknowledge the choice your mother made and not blame him for everything. Try to forgive both of them, although it is hard. Don’t cut your mother out of your life. She will always be your mother, and respect her husband as human being deserves respect. And pray hard for God to help you.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Its good to vent your anger ,and C A. Is a good place to do it,
There is nothing you can do to change the situation,
My guess is , your the eldest, so you should support your Sisters in every way you can,
And let them know you are their for them ,
Your Mother is still your mother , so you should still try to love her even if that’s understandably difficult ,
The Step father ? Well you owe him nothing , just force yourself to be polite but still avoid him whenever possible, he may at some stage corner you , and want to talk with you,
Just put your hands up in front of you and simply say, you don’t want to talk to him,
You can not bring yourself to communicate, and have no interest at this stage,
You are there for your family, your sisters need you, and leave it at that,
I hope you get through this really difficult time, it will take time to come to terms with this train wreck, Praying for you,

 

[acadiANNA]

I know this is really hard for you. I am hoping your sisters are adjusting to having a stepfather and that he treats them well. I think, too, that you should take them out for an ice cream sometimes. I am praying for you, that the Holy Spirit will cover you in the presence of your stepfather to say and do what is pleasing to God. God bless you and your family.

 

[Crusaderbear]

pray for him. make sure your sisters are okay, and keep your biological father in good spirits. don’t compromise your values because of him or your mothers actions.

 

[7_Sorrows]

Have you considered seeing a counselor about this? I have never been in your shoes, but I would think I would have a hard time as well. Your feelings toward your stepfather should not be dismissed. They are real and you need to come to terms with them. Is this a blended family? Does your stepfather have children too who will be coming to visit or spend the weekend occasionally? You are dealing with the loss of your family unit as you knew it growing up and you are grieving your father not being in the home any longer. Your feelings are justified, but maybe you need counseling to help you accept this is your mom’s newlife and you are becoming an adult and searching out your path. You might be concerned for your sisters still at home. Having a counselor to talk to and confide in would be helpful I think.