I assume you’re saying you masturbate to fantasies of your wife?
The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:
**2352 **By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.
(end quote)
Do not fall for the idea that because you are thinking of her and she’s your wife, that it’s okay to sexually pleasure yourself. What you are really doing is
using her (or thoughts of her) for your own pleasure, not sharing yourself with her. Don’t fool yourself:
You are not making love to her if she’s not there.
Your thoughts of her are not actually
her. They are imaginary and exist only in your head–so you’re not really loving
her when you do this; in fact, you could be sinning against her (or dishonoring her and your vows to be faithful to her). You are seeking sexual pleasure “outside the marriage” (because the marital act is not you alone–it is the two of you becoming one flesh together). If you entertain these thoughts too often, you may find that you are disappointed that she does not act with you in reality the way she (or the “imaginary woman” that looks like her) does in your head… and over time, that could cause problems for the two of you.
As noted in the CCC, your moral responsibility depends on many factors. Please speak with a priest or spiritual director/advisor about this. You may need the Sacrament of Reconciliation–they can advise you on whether you have committed a mortal or venial sin.
Being apart from your spouse is a difficult trial, especially being newly married. I will pray for you.
