KJ…
I have been exactly where you are. The guilt, the shame and remorse. And while those feelings spring from my God-given conscience, I must be vigilant to ensure that my pride does not allow me to avoid confession, in order that I may be spared the embarrassment of having to confess my impurity…once again
see, i can do that. I have driven 20-30 miles to another church so that I would not have to face my pastor…again. And while doing this is better than NOT, I have learned that with sins of addiction and of the flesh, the very act a repetition (in the confessional, that is), is a major weapon against Satan and his schemes against us. We do not become addicted or develop a bad habit all at once. It takes time to break the cycle of sin. And the first step toward this, i think is the leveling of pride that happens once we have to confess our sins, over and over… A perfect scenario would involve a conversion and permanent avoidance of sin in the future, but we are NOT perfect, and God knows this! He created us!
What really helped me overcome this sin was getting a regular confessor…someone who came to intimately know me and my lifelong struggles. It is tempting to go to many different priests when we fall, but I think we need to take a look at the intentio behind our confession when we do this. In my case, I was looking for a “pass” rather than for healing and conversion.
If you use a regular confessor, you may find that at first, you will want to avoid the sin so that you do not have to face your confessor again…and that is a START. Over time, you begin to WANT to avoid the sin…and the GRACE which we receive in reconciliation enables us to do so.
If your situation is anything like mine, you need to know that left to your own deVICES, you CANNOT overcome this problem yourself… Only Christ can free you from your bondage. Do not refuse the cross you face! Enter into His suffering and ponder why it is that He had to suffer so much in the flesh? When I came to realize that MY sin crucified my Jesus, it hit me: He suffered so in the flesh because we (I) SIN in the flesh.
When temptation enters into your mind, rebuke the source of it. Announce to satan, the father of lies that you will NOT succumb…this time. Ask your Guardian angel for his protection… visit Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament…go to Adoration…receive daily Communion, if you can… Pray to our Lady for her Intercession… ask for the protection of the saints. Maria Goretti, for example…or St Therese
You can overcome this…IF you surrender it to Christ and FIGHT!
Make no mistake about it…this IS warfare!
It helps too to speak/write to others who understand your plight. As such, you my IM me at any time. We can help each other…and i will pray for you in the interim
and remember Luke 15: 19-21
“when he was still a long way off, the Father saw him and RAN to meet him…”
