How Soon Is Too Soon For Dating?

[psteichen]

On average (I say average, because of course your answer would vary from child to child based on their maturity), what do you consider the youngest age at which one should allow their child to start dating? Now by dating I don’t mean going to a school dance with a friend of the opposite gender, or anything like that. I also don’t mean having friends of the opposite gender. I mean serious dating to the point that they claim to have a boyfriend/girlfriend or are attempting to find a boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

[LittleRose]

If the purpose of dating is to discern whether someone is a potential spouse, then they shouldn’t do any serious dating till they’re adults. I guess that means 18, for most people.

 

[quasimodo]

return to courting

 

[deb1]

On average (I say average, because of course your answer would vary from child to child based on their maturity), what do you consider the youngest age at which one should allow their child to start dating? Now by dating I don’t mean going to a school dance with a friend of the opposite gender, or anything like that. I also don’t mean having friends of the opposite gender. I mean serious dating to the point that they claim to have a boyfriend/girlfriend or are attempting to find a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Going to a school dance or to the movies is dating.

As far as boyfriend/girlfriend relationships…I think that I gained from having had a boyfriend before my hubby.

I had already figured out that the first blush of emotion is not love. That having compatible personalities is more important then looks and that dating, itself, is very boring. I wouldn’t have understood any of this if I hadn’t dated before.

I also think that the process of having my heart broke made me more appreciative of my hubby’s goodness and sweet nature.

 

[Al_Masetti]

If the purpose of dating is to discern whether someone is a potential spouse, then they shouldn’t do any serious dating till they’re adults. I guess that means 18, for most people.

AND have a job that pays well enough to set up a household.

 

[deb1]

If the purpose of dating is to discern whether someone is a potential spouse, then they shouldn’t do any serious dating till they’re adults. I guess that means 18, for most people.

I dated mainly to have fun. Now I would have been just as happy to date with a group of friends as I would have alone but I certainly wasn’t trying to find a potential hubby.(not even when I found one.)

My oldest son is 17 and he has just begun speaking about the possibility of dating. These are our rules.

1. The first date is at home, over dinner so we can meet the girl

2.We have to meet her parents

1. No dating with just the couple alone. Dating within groups or double dating is fine. Heck, my son can even take me along as a chaperone. But I don’t want two teenagers of the opposite sex to be alone.
2. mom and dad do not pay for the date. He has to get a job to pay for his own dates.

When he is 18, and leaves home for college he will probably ignore these rules if he wishes. I can’t stop him from doing that.

 

[hasikelee]

Group dating until 15-17 years, depending on the child.

Dating itself, not until your married!

Mostly though, it depends on what you mean by dating. I think dating means you are in a relationship with someone and are already seriously considering marriage. Therefore, you are dating to enjoy time together.

If that is the definition, than 18 and under really don’t need to be dating.

The real question seems to be, what age can a child have a romantic relationship? And that answer has more to do with “who.” After settling the question of if a child can have a romantic relationship, then it is simplt a matter of how much time they can spend together, alone, unspervised, and why they would be doing that.

FYI, I was in a romantic relationship at a very young age. My parents allowed one or two “alone times” a month. We would get dropped off at the local movie theater for an approved movie, or go out to eat. So I guess to some point, a young person can “date.” As we just liked each other and had no further ability to marry or be serious, I see no reason why this dating should be frequent.

Our relationship grew through group outings, email and the phone. It wasn’t until late highschool that we 1) discerned we were both called to marriage and 2) our parents felt that we could be alone and from there on our it was our responsibility and choice as to how much time to spend together.

If a young teen was begging to go on a date, I would be wondering, why? What do they want to do that they can’t do in front of friends and family? I saw my now fiancee many times a week at age 15. We ate dinner at each other’s homes, went to Mass together, studied together, etc. Why the desparate need to be alone?

 

[hasikelee]

. No dating with just the couple alone. Dating within groups or double dating is fine. Heck, my son can even take me along as a chaperone. But I don’t want two teenagers of the opposite sex to be alone.

Oh yeah, your post reminded me that we always had a chaperone, too. A brother or friend and a few times, my parents.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

Speaking as a 17yo in a serious relationship, which we call courting, we met at 16, and instantly knew this was going to be more than your average ‘dating realtionships’ we had seen with most of our friends. I told my parents about it, and asked if they had any rules for us, and they said no, God bless them. They knew I was old enough and mature enough to handle myself, and they knew my boyfriend was a good guy with a smart head on his shoulders, as well as a great Catholic. It really does depend for person to person, but no younger than 16. Girls might, might be ready to date at 14, but no way any guys are going to be at a maturity level for dating then. And I agree, a return to courting. www.godofdesire.com is a great site for that sort of thing.

 

[SeekerJen]

Girls might, might be ready to date at 14, but no way any guys are going to be at a maturity level for dating then.

No 14 year old girl that I’ve ever met was ready to date, including me!

I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16, but didn’t actually date until I was 17, except for a couple of ill-fated double dates with a friend and her boyfriend in my junior year of high school. His friend was a third wheel, so she brought me along to make things less weird, which of course didn’t work too well. Dating at 17 ensured that I had partners for all the major senior year dances. I also think it was a good transition into interacting socially with young men before going off on my own to college the next year. For whatever reason (mainly because I didn’t want to look like I was boy-crazy, I think) I didn’t have many male friends past second or third grade, and boys always seemed like a foreign species. Going on dates with a few of them removed some of the alien impressions.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

No 14 year old girl that I’ve ever met was ready to date, including me!

I could wrong about this, but I believe the Church’s minimal ages for marriage is 14 for girls and 16 for boys… Interesting, no? And in ages past, people were choosing spouses around 14-16, and 20 was considered a fairly old age to get married. Times do change… I wonder if people matured faster then?

 

[KathleenElsie]

My choice would be around 25 for other peoples kids.LOL. Now my grandkids should not be allowed to date till around retirement age.

 

[CRW]

I could wrong about this, but I believe the Church’s minimal ages for marriage is 14 for girls and 16 for boys… Interesting, no? And in ages past, people were choosing spouses around 14-16, and 20 was considered a fairly old age to get married. Times do change… I wonder if people matured faster then?

They had to. The average death age was 47, lol.

 

[hasikelee]

They had to. The average death age was 47, lol.

And they had to have 15 kids so at least a few would survive!

I wonder if it wasn’t so much that they matured faster, but that they didn’t have the same academic and economic conditions we have today. For example, completing highschool was rare. Most people were homeschooled or attended a mixed-grade school. When they married, it was to someone everyone knew, usually in the same town they grew up in together. And then they moved down the street and made a new little farm, or just added onto the family farm.

 

[wcknight]

IF I had my way, my daughter would be allowed to date as soon as I find a suitable mate for her (she’s 22)… at least that would have been the way I would have liked it. Unfortunately she and my wife go by a different standard. She went out around 16.

 

[lotusblossom]

I think 18 is wonderful age, because by then, hopefully, my child will be raised well and have a good head on his/her shoulders as well as being mature enough to discern healthy vs. unhealthy relationships.

My parents told me 18 - I started in jr. high. My first “boyfriend” was in 4th grade. My bestfriend was boy crazy whose parents let and encouraged her to be incredibly boy crazy. Also, a factor in all my growing up was that my dad’s attention was primarily focused on my younger very troubled sister and trying to keep our family financially stable. I don’t blame my dad, so to speak, but I know it did play a factor that I had a minimal relationship with him until I was about 18. I went through boyfriend after boyfriend, all “long-term” about two years each, thinking and talking about marriage, and not understanding the value of my purity. Once I hit college and 18 yrs, my eyes were opened and I changed my life around. I started dating my now-husband when I was 21. Our children will not date til 18 - my husband didn’t and I’m thankful he didn’t. I also think being open and honest about why and about remaining pure and respecting the opposite sex and letting them go to school dances and having friends of the opposite sex (as well as having lots of siblings of both sexes ) will help.

 

[Scottgun]

I could wrong about this, but I believe the Church’s minimal ages for marriage is 14 for girls and 16 for boys… Interesting, no? And in ages past, people were choosing spouses around 14-16, and 20 was considered a fairly old age to get married. Times do change… I wonder if people matured faster then?

Actually that is not the case. Historians used to think girls typically got married at 14 because Shakespear made Juliet 14 in his play. When historians actually looked at parish records and compared baptismal records with marriage records, the average marital age was in the 20’s. I believe even in ancient Greece boys waited until their rather long military service (10 plus years if not mistaken) was up before getting married. The Church law regarding the minimum age is not based on life expectancy, but on a minimally reasonable time that a marriage could be valid, consumated and fruitful.

 

[perez639]

My parents raised me to think like this:

Only date the kind of guy who is worthy enough to marry. Otherwise you will lower your expectations and settle. I never dated in high school because I really thought it should be taken more seriously. Its saddening that everyone starts sleeping around their first years of hs. Heck even middle school! i dunno, I feel like I think like someone from the 50s, I dont fit in w/ my generation, but I figure it’ll be worth it in the long run!

Peace be with you all,

Regis University Student

 

[deb1]

I wonder if it wasn’t so much that they matured faster, but that they didn’t have the same academic and economic conditions we have today. For example, completing highschool was rare. Most people were homeschooled or attended a mixed-grade school. When they married, it was to someone everyone knew, usually in the same town they grew up in together. And then they moved down the street and made a new little farm, or just added onto the family farm.

I don’t know. Have you ever actually read letters written by people from around the 1800’s? My goodness they all sound so much more intelligent then what we write today. Okay, I am completly off subject now, sorry. Please return to your original thread.