This is a question for husbands of stay-at-home moms. Basically, you’d be the sole earner of the family, which can be very stressful. After a day of work, you come home, and there’s still a million things around the house waiting for you to do, especially if you have a lot of kids. Aside from working, you have all the duties of being a husband and father. This sounds it can be very stressful to me, but there’re many people out there who do this successfully. What’s your secret? (name removed by moderator)ut would be greatly appreciated.
I was a stay-at-home mom until our two daughters were in school. (The first seven years of their lives). I worked part-time (20 hours a week) until they were almost teenagers.
My husband had a good job (with insurance!), but not a high-end salary. We had one car and it was a beater. We never did any home improvements unless something broke, and because we had no extra cash, we ended up charging a lot of those home disasters. (We still do, even with two incomes!) Dave Ramsey, eat my shorts!
You want to know the secret? I’ll tell you what my husband has said about those early years when he was the sole wage earner.
He was overjoyed to have their MOTHER raising–not just “watching” his children. He was able to see into the future and visualize what his daughters would become someday as a result of being raised by a loving mother who spent much of the day enriching the children’s lives with reading, hiking, field trips to various historical and nature sites, playing, training in various skills (cleaning, cooking, laundry, yard chores), teaching (my children knew how to read before they went to kindergarten), resting and relaxing, praying, singing, more singing, lots of singing, crafting (I’m terrible at crafts so I took my kids to workshops and asked other moms to help them learn), disciplining and training in righteousness, etc. etc. etc. etc.
And eventually, when the girls started figure skating, I also became a “figure skating mom,” which is actually a non-paid profession that is very important to figure skaters! When you watch the Olympics, you will hear plenty of figure skaters give credit to their moms (and dads) for getting them to the Olympics.
It was SO fun raising children. RAISING children. And they turned out so well. The girls are now 30 and 27, and we see in them all the work that I put into them back when they were little and I was staying home with them. There are times when they are so much like me and my mother and my grandmother that it’s eerie and beautiful. They even use the same phrases that I used with them when they were toddlers. And they have the same traits that my mother and grandmother had. My older daughter automatically starts cleaning up immediately after a family meal (just like my grandma!). And my younger daughter makes a from-scratch pie that melts in your mouth!
Of course, I also have to take the blame for some of their faults and flaws–e.g., my younger daughter is a Charlie Brown when it comes to making a decision about anything, including what to have for dinner. And my older daughter is still hyper–never got that under control–we thought back then that she was just normal. I didn’t realize until I got to know lots of other children her age that she was definitely more energetic than most kids! But no disorder, no drugs–she was and still is just a highly-strung, lively, calorie-burning energizer bunny!
I’ve noticed that many women who choose to work outside the home when their children are small will say, “So and so watches my baby while I’m working.”
“Watches?” “WATCHES?!” What is this about, anyway?! There’s no such thing. If all your child care provider does is WATCH your child, that’s not worth paying for.
What’s happening is that whatever child-care provider you are able to hire is RAISING your child. That’s right–RAISING them.
Now that’s OK if it’s a close relative who shares all the same values, faith, philosophies, etc. that you do.
But in many cases, there are huge differences between what you believe and love, and what your child care provider believes and loves. Even relatives will sneak things that you don’t approve of; e.g., feed your child Hostess twinkies and sugar pop, or allow them to watch certain cartoons that are banned in your house.
And again, unless it’s a close relative, chances are good that your child-care provider will have several children, possibly even a whole roomful of children, under their care, and it’s not likely that your child will get individual attention throughout the day.
So that’s the secret–being able to look into the future and see the intelligent, socially-aware, faith-filled people that your children will turn out to be. You will never, ever regret a decision to have the mother of your children stay home and RAISE them.
