How tell a protestant grandma I'm becoming catholic without killing her

[cowgirl89]

I was wondering if anyone who has had to deal with telling their devout protestant family they are becoming catholic had any tips to share to minimize the drama and stress. My aunt has already blazed this trail awhile ago- and it was a mess, granted my family has now accepted it, i’m not sure how it will go for me. ANY advice wold be GREATLY appreciated…Thanks!

 

[Sasha]

Well, I’ve never been in your situation as I’m cradle Catholic. I would suggest, however, talking to your aunt. Since she went through it, she’ll know some of the things that helped the eventual acceptance of her conversion. In theory, your family will adapt easier to your conversion since they’ve gone through it once.

Welcome Home! And good luck with your family! Who knows, maybe your discussions with some family members will encourage them to look into the Catholic faith.

 

[gettingthere]

I just kind of bit the bullet when I told my parents. They’re not happy with it, still. I told them that I am not abandoning Christianity, and I’d hope they’d respect my decision. My mom has put my conversion in the same category as my younger brothers’ drinking, smoking and premarital sex, though, so I know she is really against my decision.

Whatever happens, know that things will get better over time. Maybe talk to your aunt and ask her for some advice. She may have some insight, having been there, done that.

 

[kage_ar]

What “brand” of Protestant? There are folks here from every background, and can give you more precise answers…

 

[jmcrae]

I was wondering if anyone who has had to deal with telling their devout protestant family they are becoming catholic had any tips to share to minimize the drama and stress.

I was in exactly the same situation. I’m still the only Catholic in my family.

Tips I would give you based on my own experience and other experiences that I’ve witnessed:

Keep them in the loop throughout the conversion process - the absolute worst thing you can do is spring it on them the day of your Confirmation - unless it’s to wait for your wedding, or your baby’s baptism …

They will find out, sooner or later, and if, at the same time, they also find out that you hid it from them for months or years out of fear of their possible reaction, they will be really upset.

The best way to start is to mention that you are taking a course about the Catholic faith (this would be RCIA), because you have acquired an interest in the subject, and then just answer their questions honestly, as they come up.

No matter what happens, remain calm, and “be the adult” - if they start yelling at you or saying irrational things, just respond calmly and reasonably - don’t get into long drawn-out arguments (discussions are fine, but don’t argue with family members) - if they start getting argumentative, just say, “Well, this is what’s making sense to me right now - I know you see it differently, and I think at this point, we are not going to agree. As I mentioned, I’m researching the subject, and I’m just really feeling that God is calling me to pursue this path. Where it will ultimately lead, I cannot know at this time.”

When subjects come up in RCIA that they might find both interesting and non-threatening (ie: related to things that their religion has in common with the Catholic faith) bring the materials to them and show them what you are learning. This also helps them feel like they are part of the journey, too, and that you aren’t leaving them behind - and also sort of “normalizes” Catholicism for them, or makes it relate-able to them.

 

[BamaRider]

Just tell her to keep lotsa fish sticks in the freezer come Ash Wednesday. When she asks what for, make the announcement.

Welcome home.

 

[Nanny_PK]

Just tell her to keep lotsa fish sticks in the freezer come Ash Wednesday. When she asks what for, make the announcement.

Or at least a couple of cans of tuna in the pantry

I kind of went through the same thing. I’m a revert and had to tell my mom who had gone way away from the Catholic church (for very personal reasons) It was hard because I had to tell her I wouldn’t be coming home for our Saturday-before-Easter family reunion where we do a crawfish boil. I actually had my sister tell her because my sister wanted to come here to be with me for the Easter Vigil.

Your parents might surprise you. Mine surely did. Mom said, “Okay. We’ll be there sometime during the morning on Good Friday. Invite your friends. We’ll have a crawfish boil at your house instead.” So I invited everyone who had helped me out in making my decision to return to the Church – including my very Protestant friends. My parents didn’t end up going to the Vigil with me because they stayed home with my niece and nephew who would not have done well at mass until midnight. But it meant so much for them to at least be there with me emotionally.

Don’t sell your family short. Let them at least have the opportunity (once the shock wears off) to be supportive of your decision.

 

[cowgirl89]

Thanks everyone! i’m feeling much more prepared now. your responses are greatly appreciated!

 

[mschrank]

My parents were “continuing Anglicans”, like SSPX’s of the Anglican faith, they considered themselves “Anglo-catholic” (small “c” they would say).

They told me I was already Catholic and there was no reason for me to do it, and it wasn’t a “Conversion”.

A couple of years later, they converted too…

Just be honest, and don’t get into it. My experience tells me that they might try to debate individual issues with you, I just said that I didn’t know, and the Church says X. Make the Church responsible, which is true.

 

[Laurie_86]

As someone who is currently in RCIA and still crossing bridges as far as telling my very Protestant family I know how difficult it is to break the ice!

The person I was most afraid of how they would react actually was my Grandmother who is very Southern Baptist. She completely shocked me two weeks ago by coming to Mass with me!! :extrahappy: It has been great to know she not only supports me, but will stick up for me when the rest of my extended family will not. I have received comments from some extended family that I am not a Christian anymore and I’ve started throwing out “Well what about the Protestant teaching of ‘once saved always saved’? Since I was accepted Christ as my Savior before shouldn’t I still be saved now even though I’m converting?” This argument may not work with everyone though…

Most of my family has taken the news well thankfully. Although I have gotten jokes about it. My cousin David has gotten particularly bad about joking that I’m going to have 9 kids when my fiance and I get married and that they will be named after saints and popes. I pointed out to him it wasn’t a bad idea! Wish I had thought of it myself! People will make jokes when they are uncomfortable or unsure about something. Whenever they get offensive naturally it is important to speak up for your faith as jokes should never be hurtful!

I know a lot of people who have difficult stories on here about how their family has completely bashed them for it so I am lucky. The advice you’ve gotten from the above people is a lot of what I have been doing. Just keep them informed. Don’t wait until right before easter to tell them or they could be more hurt that you didn’t tell them than that you actually converted! And if you don’t have answers to all of their questions it’ll be okay there is a lot of support and great answers here! :hug1:

I let my Dad borrow “Catholicism for Dummies” from me which he said has helped him understand a few issues he had. Maybe suggest a few good books or point them to this site if you think the discussions would be helpful?

 

[shajek74]

My Grandmother is Southern Baptist and I wasn’t sure how she was going to take things but she surprised me. She was calm and quiet while I explained that I was going to convert. I let her ask her questions and answered them as best as I could and even told her I would have to check with Fr. for some of her questions. She tried to make light of it at the end of the conversation by saying I thought you were going to tell me something really bad like you robbed a bank. She doesn’t bring it up to me but I keep her informed as to my progress and she has warmed up to the idea a bit. She loves me no matter what and is one of my best friends in the world. She would be the last person to pass judgement on me regardless as to what she thinks.