How to Abstain or From withdrawal to NFP

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VickK

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Hello All,

Doing my best to move from coitus interruptus (withdrawal method), which is mortal sin, to NFP. At first it took a while for my wife to support me, but what I found is - it’s very difficult for me to abstain.

Often I will be in pain (testicles) on 3rd, 4th day – which will increase in following days to point I can’t concentrate on work. Tylenol, Advil are not helping much.

Is it normal? Is anything can be done? Medicine? Diets? I don’t have close friend who practice NFP – can’t ask anyone…

If you know anything about please let me know.
Vic
 
First of all you should check with a faithful Catholic doctor (urologist) in case there is something serious(twisted testi or something). This may not be from the abstinence directly. It can come from repeated, how should I say it, arousals, that are not finished. This is a delicate subject, you can pm me if you want some more insight.
 
VickK said:
Is it normal? Is anything can be done? Medicine? Diets? I don’t have close friend who practice NFP – can’t ask anyone…

If you know anything about please let me know.
Vic
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No it is not normal. You need to see a doctor.
 
VickK said:
Hello All,

Doing my best to move from coitus interruptus (withdrawal method), which is mortal sin, to NFP. At first it took a while for my wife to support me, but what I found is - it’s very difficult for me to abstain.

Often I will be in pain (testicles) on 3rd, 4th day – which will increase in following days to point I can’t concentrate on work. Tylenol, Advil are not helping much.

Is it normal? Is anything can be done? Medicine? Diets? I don’t have close friend who practice NFP – can’t ask anyone…

If you know anything about please let me know.
Vic
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Sorry Vic but if you are truly having physical pain, than something is wrong.
Personally, it sounds like you do not have self control yet. It is a learned process that can take a few months to master. Once you do, it makes married life so much more.
 
Thanks for all advices - yes, will see my family doctor - not sure she would understand me… My father had prostata problem and number of operations - hope it’s not my case.

Looks like I will get some experience with that – feel free to contact me – well be happy to help 🙂

Peace,
Vic
 
Yes, ejaculation reduces or eliminates the pain.

Before I thought is normal to be in pain while abstaining, just wanted to learn how to minimize it and eventially it will go away. It’s been few months now and looks like it not the case.
 
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Thought_Officer:
Yeah, I think the idea around “blue balls” is that frequet arousal (i.e., arousal that doesn’t subside via ejaculation) leads to inflammation of the arteries carrying blood to the genitals (vasocongestion). It’s definitely normal considering the circumstances; highly common. You’re balancing the message from your body asking for release with the Catholic anti-masturbatory position (or release, in any event, that isn’t ordered towards procreation).

I wonder if the Church supports release that isn’t necessarily based in concupiscence–not for pleasure necessarily, but for pain-relief.

In any event, I hope it subsides! 👍
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This could quite possibly be what you are experiencing. If so you should be doing what you can to avoid arousal when your abstaining, because that is only going to make it worse. The only solution is not ejaculation, but rather given enough time the pain will subside and the blood that has built up will drain. To answer thought officer’s question no, masturbation is not an acceptable solution to fix the problem. Conjugal relations with your wife would be.
 
Nate13 said:
This could quite possibly be what you are experiencing. If so you should be doing what you can to avoid arousal when your abstaining, because that is only going to make it worse. The only solution is not ejaculation, but rather given enough time the pain will subside and the blood that has built up will drain. To answer thought officer’s question no, masturbation is not an acceptable solution to fix the problem. Conjugal relations with your wife would be.
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Would the traditional cold shower work? I mean, cold water is a traditional way of soothing a bruise, which is a build-up of blood.
 
VickK said:
Hello All,

Doing my best to move from coitus interruptus (withdrawal method), which is mortal sin, to NFP. At first it took a while for my wife to support me, but what I found is - it’s very difficult for me to abstain.

Often I will be in pain (testicles) on 3rd, 4th day – which will increase in following days to point I can’t concentrate on work. Tylenol, Advil are not helping much.

Is it normal? Is anything can be done? Medicine? Diets? I don’t have close friend who practice NFP – can’t ask anyone…

If you know anything about please let me know.
Vic
Click to expand...
Mental work my friend! Do not let yourself get aroused to the point that you are in pain. Channel your energy in productive and constructive things.

With enough mental power, you should be able to see your wife naked without losing it, or other women for that matter. If you give in to the physical impulse you will get aroused and end up wit blue b***s
 
Wonder how it works – the arousal thing – I don’t really get sexually exited – at least I can’t recall having it (mornings don’t count), but again it could be on subconscious level.

Noticed praying on Rosary (2-3 times) and praying to St. Joseph give a bit of relieve. But most important – getting support from all of you – makes me feel better and gives me strengths to keep going.

Thanks again!
Vic
 
Well, back from my family doctor - and yes, I need to find catholic urologist… All recommendations were not exceptionable, except for one - more physical exercise - especially weightlifting.
 
Ask any Urologist for a referral to a Catholic Urologist. They all know who the Catholic ones are.
 
Want to provide update – couldn’t find Catholic Urologist – called many doctors, but no luck. On 10th day I could tell something is really wrong with my prostate… and original doctor suggestion to mas-te didn’t seemed to be so wrong as before - was really tired of so much pain & Advil – but my wife helped.

Anyway doing few medical tests, hope t find out what exactly went wrong… Again to abstain was not a problem for me in early 20th, but it late 30th its very different. :confused:

But the question is – is it still a mortal sin or not? Asked an Apologist – but don’t think will get an answer – the subject is too … delicate. Currently combining NFP/withdrawal with intension to have 100% NFP, if my health permits…

If you have any suggestions in this regard – really appreciate your help.

Peace,
Vic
 
VickK said:
Yes, ejaculation reduces or eliminates the pain.

Before I thought is normal to be in pain while abstaining, just wanted to learn how to minimize it and eventially it will go away. It’s been few months now and looks like it not the case.
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Dude, the bottom line is you need release. A doctor will first talk to you, ask those questions and then tell you the first thing to do is have an orgasm, probably several. Why? Been there. It is normal for it to be painful if, as someone mentioned, you have been continuously aroused without a complete ending, let’s say. Only way initially to relieve it will be orgasm, whether induced or if you have one of those dreams. If pain persists, then yes, there are other things that can be wrong. Chances are, based on what you are describing, it is a build up of things and you need to relieve the pressure.

You already know the answer, though, as you wrote it above. If you continue to follow withdrawal without release, then yep, it will continue.
 
Withdrawal comes with the release 🙂 - not having that – really would be painful – that I understand.

During abstinence I don’t get myself aroused – just focusing on not sexual activities with my wife…

Anyway – looks like this is not really typical – thinking maybe I should blame hernia surgery I have few years ago…

But still one question remains – withdrawal method in my case – is it a mortal sin or not?
 
VickK said:
Withdrawal comes with the release 🙂 - not having that – really would be painful – that I understand.

During abstinence I don’t get myself aroused – just focusing on not sexual activities with my wife…

Anyway – looks like this is not really typical – thinking maybe I should blame hernia surgery I have few years ago…

But still one question remains – withdrawal method in my case – is it a mortal sin or not?
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Even in your case, I am quite positive that the withdrawal method would still be considered a mortal sin. If you’re having a medical issue, you just need to focus on finding a real solution, rather than hiding the problem with a quick fix (release). It’s like when a woman’s cycles are way too painful or messed up, and a doctor gives them birth control; nothing is really fixed but the symptoms!
 
Yeah, the pull out method is a mortal sin, it denies the possibility of pregnancy. As for the pain in the little boys, it is sadly normal if you are abstaining after a rather active sex life. Your body is used to producing a certain amount and that will build up. Eventually it may go away, but you should still definitely see a Catholic Urologist to be sure there’s no physical problems. Best of luck!👍
 
Hello All,

Want to thank you all of you: your support - makes me going; especially to those who disbelieve (I am not sarcastic) – gives me reason to have my experience documented here – just in case someone like me will search this forum for help. I do realize I may be seen as “freak”. Given number hours I spend to find answers/solutions make me think about myself as freak.

Reason: there several reasons I found why abstinence to be painful:
  • Code: 
      Arousals... Well, better to avoid this situations.
  • Then certain part of the body (prostate) is used less – it may disagree, so just as matter of time and effort – eventually the pain fill go away
  • Family history – my father had prostate problem – he had number of surgeries to address it, don’t think he was able to find a Catholic Urologist.
  • Psychological – this is most difficult one. My family doctor warned me about it, it given some research, yes, this is the hardest to address. Praying, not ignoring the possibility, talking to people you trust can make a big difference.
  • May be something else…
Resolutions: (that I found out):
  • Talk to your kids, boys specially. I will do once they get a bit older – better prepare yourself at early age.
  • Focus on something else. It’s a bit complicated – because it’s a mortal sin – it’s hard not to think about. Just need to be aware of psychological impact – may get worse.
  • Exercise. Jogging is great! 4-8k a day makes a big difference
  • Hot tab. Great way to relax.
  • Support. The is much to a friend who went though the same experience – the problem to have this friend . Tried to ask Priest at the Confession for help – not sure he understood me…
  • Finding Catholic Urologist. Well, I tried. They don’t advertise themselves on the web, calling about 10 numbers didn’t give much. First time I talked to my family doctor (she is not catholic) she suggested me to have more activities; well … releases (with wife or not…). Anyway I got referral and doing more tests – hope will have more clarity.
Most important. The Mortal Sin. I agree contraception is wrong. Here is excellent article about it – really inspiring: rev-know-it-all.com/2012/2012—03-25.html. What is difficult for me to see is how the withdrawal may lead to recreational sex. Yes, I am aware of Onan – the moral of the story is Onan didn’t want to have children at all, not really about the method. Maybe I am wrong. I will leave it up to the Priest to tell me how wrong am I… Purgatory is better than Hell, correct? Will at least work hard to get to Purgatory… My biggest problem is to have True Contrition… Hope my Priest with help with that too.

Another thing (the most important) – it’s to be open to have more children. Actually using NFP and not be open to children – is mortal sin. Have 2 boys already… Now thinking with my wife about how many kids we can really have. The link above is inspiring, it really talks about it. As one Priest said – “instead of focusing on how to not have children, it’s better to focus on benefits to have more children. God trusts we can do it. More than we trust in ourselves”. Keep thinking about it myself for long time.

Thank you all again,
Vic
 
I’m really surprised by the lack of understanding about this issue in the NFP webs. There’s nothing wrong with our colons! The condition is colloquially known as “blue balls,” and men frequently experience it, especially when arousal is not followed by ejaculation. One fancy word for it is “epididymal hypertension.” It’s easily Googlable, and there have been plenty of studies of it. I experienced it for a whole day the first time I kissed a girl in 8th grade, and when I told my dad what I was feeling, he asked me if I had kissed a girl. So, you know, it’s not as if this is a mystery of medical science.

That said, I’m in the same position as you. I usually start to experience the symptoms mildly on day 7 of abstinence and then intensely from day 9 or 10. I exercise regularly, so I haven’t noticed whether that makes a difference. Arousal from my wife definitely exacerbates it, but I can go for days in constant pain without any arousal. The symptoms seem to go hand in hand with a difficulty in focusing on work or even the simplest tasks.

It is especially frustrating that all the medical studies and doctors’ advice simply say to ejaculate. Well, yes, that will solve it. But clearly that’s not an option for us.

It’s also frustrating that this really gets in the way of practicing NFP as a form of conscientious openness toward children and discernment of family size. Clearly this pain is not God’s call to just get pregnant every cycle. It could be a call to greater self-discipline, and a cross to bear that could be offered up for chaste single people and gay people who are committed to celibacy. Certainly this is true, and that’s how I’ve tried to pray.

But if it were possible to alleviate the symptoms in a virtuous way, I would–just as we seek a cure for illness and don’t just “offer it up”.

After many years of NFP–and 5 kids, four of whom were a surprise–I’m beginning to think it might just make sense to try to do something about it medically, with a drug that reduces the libido and enhances focus. For my wife and me, the abstinence period is rarely less than 15 days, often more, especially during the transition from nursing. That means a week or more a month having to deal with this and the attendant distraction. It also means that intercourse, when we have it, comes as a kind of medical procedure–and it is very painful the first couple times, too. While we know intercourse is a gift of mutuality, etc., the primary experience for me is of pain and relief.

Anybody know of mild, preferably natural ways to diminish the libido?
 
VickK said:
Often I will be in pain (testicles) on 3rd, 4th day – which will increase in following days to point I can’t concentrate on work. Tylenol, Advil are not helping much.

Is it normal? Is anything can be done? Medicine? Diets? I don’t have close friend who practice NFP – can’t ask anyone…
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Yes, it is perfectly normal. I won’t bore you with details, but there will be a natural pressure/urge in the 2-4 day range after sex (for males anyway).

As far as what can you do? Not much that will provide immediate relief that is moral other than sexual relations, especially if you’re young. However, as with any urge, it can be overcome with time and effort. Keep yourself occupied (either work or exercise for me); stay far, far away from sexual imagery; and avoid certain types of stimulating contact with your wife during times of abstinence
 
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