How to accept this?

[Julie_de_Sales]

It’s a personal question that I don’t feel comfortable asking to a priest. During my childhood I was practicing masturbation, not knowing that it was a sexual sin and not understanding what I was doing. My parents tried to stop this behaviour, but I didn’t really listen to them. When I grew up and I had more knowledge, I was ashamed and sad for what I did. I heard how precious virginity is and that you don’t want to lose it outside of marriage. Well, even if technically I was still a virgin, I felt that by masturbating I lost that state of innocence, even if I didn’t meant to.
Now, to make things clear, I struggled with this sin later in life, now I’m getting better regarding chastity. My question, however, is why God permitted me as a child to do this and lose, in my vision, my innocence. I was told and I know that many young children masturbate without knowing what they are doing, but they experience sexual pleasure, at least to some degree. Why is this behaviour so common among children and it’s presented like a normal step in the development process?
Thanks for the replies!

 

[rciadan]

To find and experience one’s physical body while growing up is normal, yet, we are not single dimensional people. It is also normal to learn right from wrong as we grow. It is not the initial “finding” of our sensuality that is a sin: it is continuing to arouse ourselves after we have learned what is proper which becomes the sin. What you did as a child before your conscience was properly formed was nothing more than to explore the physical universe on the “macro” level. To do it as an adult with a well formed conscience constitutes direct disobedience to God and becomes willful sin.
Just the way I see it as best as I understand Catholic teaching.

 

[Snugglebugmom]

My question, however, is why God permitted me as a child to do this and lose, in my vision, my innocence.

With all due respect, I think that you are looking at this the wrong way. Our bodies have many functions and when we are little, we don’t know what’s appropriate and what isn’t. That’s what parents are for, to teach us when we are little that things like peeing in the front yard is not acceptable. It is natural for kids to explore what their bodies can do. It doesn’t become sinful until the three conditions for mortal sin are present: grave matter, knowledge of the fact that it is a sin, and full consent of the will. Small children are not capable of those, and so what they do is not sinful. I don’t think you lost your innocence, and I’m sorry you feel you did.

This particular sin is a challenge for a lot of people (if you have any doubts about that, just take a look around the forums). Look at it as an opportunity to grow in sanctity.

 

[rcwitness]

I think it has to do with our fallen nature. We have tendancies to do things not from above. There is an innocents about it only because you were ignorant about it. But with maturety comes awareness and responsibility. Your nature did not demand to obey your parents! But you probably had a conscience (a grace of God) that you began to hear more clearly with persistant disobedience, no? I think this conscience is the God made aspect of ourselves that tells us in very basic ways what is right and wrong, or that we are not complete in ourselves. It seems, you listened to it eventually, not pushing it aside or burying it. And that led to remorse.

Look ahead always, take hope that God can purge us from sin through faith and trials,
Peace,
Michael

 

[Julie_de_Sales]

With all due respect, I think that you are looking at this the wrong way. Our bodies have many functions and when we are little, we don’t know what’s appropriate and what isn’t. That’s what parents are for, to teach us when we are little that things like peeing in the front yard is not acceptable. It is natural for kids to explore what their bodies can do. It doesn’t become sinful until the three conditions for mortal sin are present: grave matter, knowledge of the fact that it is a sin, and full consent of the will. Small children are not capable of those, and so what they do is not sinful. I don’t think you lost your innocence, and I’m sorry you feel you did.

This particular sin is a challenge for a lot of people (if you have any doubts about that, just take a look around the forums). Look at it as an opportunity to grow in sanctity.

I understand your point and I realize that I didn’t commit a mortal sin during my childhood because of this behaviour, because I was too little to know it was sinful. However, because of the pleasure that I experienced, I think I lost a part of my innocence back then. To make it simpler, a child who didn’t masturbate at all seems to me more pure in terms of chastity than one who did it, even if the second one had no idea what he was doing. Is wrong for me to think that way?

 

[rcwitness]

I understand your point and I realize that I didn’t commit a mortal sin during my childhood because of this behaviour, because I was too little to know it was sinful. However, because of the pleasure that I experienced, I think I lost a part of my innocence back then. To make it simpler, a child who didn’t masturbate at all seems to me more pure in terms of chastity than one who did it, even if the second one had no idea what he was doing. Is wrong for me to think that way?

Not wrong, but what is the benifit? You learned you sin if you dont rely on God’s grace. The innocents we are born with will not get us to God anyway. It is an innocence of ignorance. It is still from below the heavens. Focus on what God has offered you, and not what you lost.

 

[Celtic_Maiden]

It’s a personal question that I don’t feel comfortable asking to a priest. During my childhood I was practicing masturbation, not knowing that it was a sexual sin and not understanding what I was doing. My parents tried to stop this behaviour, but I didn’t really listen to them. When I grew up and I had more knowledge, I was ashamed and sad for what I did. I heard how precious virginity is and that you don’t want to lose it outside of marriage. Well, even if technically I was still a virgin, I felt that by masturbating I lost that state of innocence, even if I didn’t meant to.
Now, to make things clear, I struggled with this sin later in life, now I’m getting better regarding chastity. My question, however, is why God permitted me as a child to do this and lose, in my vision, my innocence. I was told and I know that many young children masturbate without knowing what they are doing, but they experience sexual pleasure, at least to some degree. Why is this behaviour so common among children and it’s presented like a normal step in the development process?
Thanks for the replies!

As you said yourself your parents tried to stop you but you did not listen, it was only when you got older did you realize that you should have listened to your parents, but this is what you decided.
I feel you are trying to blame God when you say “Why did God permit me as a child to do this” we have all free will, and you exercised this when you said No to your parents most probably you would have said the same to God at that time in your innocence. God is not like a Policeman , stepping in when we do wrong in this that and the other, we have free will, we have to take responsible for ourselves. This is what you are now doing, don’t look back look forward we all have to learn by our mistakes which makes us stronger and trust in the Lord. Move forward with God in your heart and mind .The Lord is a forgiving God if we acknowledge Our sins in Confession.

 

[Joe_5859]

I think it is not productive to get on the train of thought that pines away after lost innocence.

In the Sacrament of Confession, God wipes away our sins restoring us to the state our souls were in right after Baptism.

So go to Confession (if you have not already). Your sins will be removed and your innocence restored. Then move forward and do not dwell on the sins of the past.

 

[Julie_de_Sales]

As you said yourself your parents tried to stop you but you did not listen, it was only when you got older did you realize that you should have listened to your parents, but this is what you decided.
I feel you are trying to blame God when you say “Why did God permit me as a child to do this” we have all free will, and you exercised this when you said No to your parents most probably you would have said the same to God at that time in your innocence. God is not like a Policeman , stepping in when we do wrong in this that and the other, we have free will, we have to take responsible for ourselves. This is what you are now doing, don’t look back look forward we all have to learn by our mistakes which makes us stronger and trust in the Lord. Move forward with God in your heart and mind .The Lord is a forgiving God if we acknowledge Our sins in Confession.

Maybe I would have listened to my parents if I knew the gravity of what I was doing. But when you first do this because you are exploring your body, before someone told you not to, you still lose some of your innocence. Maybe my question doesn’t change anything in the present, but I think about all the children that start having this behaviour (seen by others like a common thing) and losing something and not being their fault.
It can be our fallen nature like someone said…I don’t know…

 

[Carlan]

I think it is not productive to get on the train of thought that pines away after lost innocence.

In the Sacrament of Confession, God wipes away our sins restoring us to the state our souls were in right after Baptism.

So go to Confession (if you have not already). Your sins will be removed and your innocence restored. Then move forward and do not dwell on the sins of the past.

Julie i think what Joe has advised is a good thing for you to do now, It will set you free of this nagging concern.
I understand the shame you feel, as you said,(‘It’s a question that I don’t feel comfortable asking to a priest’.)But you will not have to go into great detail, simply tell him that as a small you began to this habit of masturbation and as you became older realized that it was wrong and have alway been embarrassed to confess or discuss it with a priest.The priest will understand you and take it from there.God bless you Julie with his love and grace, Peace, Carlan

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[rciadan]

I think it is not productive to get on the train of thought that pines away after lost innocence.

In the Sacrament of Confession, God wipes away our sins restoring us to the state our souls were in right after Baptism.

So go to Confession (if you have not already). Your sins will be removed and your innocence restored. Then move forward and do not dwell on the sins of the past.

Well said. Great advice! The blessing is that innocence can be regained! Glory to Jesus Christ!

 

[ready]

I do wish that you were obedient to your parents – they told you that what you were doing was wrong and told you to stop, but you wouldn’t listen to them and disobeyed them … you thought that you knew more than your parents and sinned in disobeying them, even if you feel you did not sin in masterbating. This is a good example of why God gave children parents and why it is sinful to disobey them as children: it is because children often think they know it all and really do not and need their parents guidance and counsel to make the right decisions and to do the Will of God. The voice of your parents was the voice of God trying to get you to stop masterbating; please do not ask yourself why God had let this happen to you … he was trying to get you to stop through your parents, but you wouldn’t listen and obey them – you doubted them when they were right in telling you that masterbating is wrong. Your story is a good example of why children must obey their parents – not only is obeying parents commanded by God in the 4th Commandment, but it is the remedy for possible future problems for the child down the road. Pray for purity, chastity and virginity every day and learn your lesson that obedience is the way to happiness – obedience to God, and to all lawful authority. God bless you.