i can relate. I’ve had questions about the faith, too, probably similar reasons. Though, i’ve still managed to go to mass on sundays and holy days. Still, it´s hard. I understand. Though, if you say that to people here, some will get angry with you. I won´t, though.
I am seeking, too. I don´t feel qualified to answer, but i won´t get upset for your asking. I allow it. Actually, that was supposed to be the original intent of the forum, was for people with questions on the faith.
With your family, i´d probably say to keep it short and sweet. When they ask you to go to church, say you´re not attending, because…you´ve lost your faith.
I understand what you mean about not wanting you to ask questions or doubt. I´m seeing that right now as you´re talking.
Sometimes, when i have a doubt, people more or less have sometimes done the same thing to me, and i probably have done that to others, as well.
I also think i know what you mean about the guilt and shame. Sometimes, in psychology, we learned guilt wasn´t very helpful…regret, yes, guilt, no. However, some are really into it.
I live in mexico, and here, they still have self affliction for penance. We have people knee walking. I had that as my penance, once, and i remember bleeding from it. I had a friend who got that as a penance, to knee walk across seven churches.
After that, i stayed away from the catholic church for about 10 years. I felt that it almost seemed depressing, at times.
I´ve had some difficult dealings with priests, as well. Once here, i had a priest yell at me in front of everyone for using the wrong hand for communion. It was actually, i think, my first mass in latin america.
Once, someone i know, got yelled at by a priest for wanting to receive communion in the hand, rather than on the tongue.
The environment can feel “cold” in that there is generally a lack of fellowship. A lot of people say fellowship…isn´t important, though…catholics, especially.
I remember my former sister-in-law once was saying someone she knew was trying some protestant denominations, didn´t like them calling at the house, wanting to go over and pray with the person. So, she invited the person to a catholic church, promising that nobody would bother them, and of course, nobody did! So, they loved it!
Here, we generally just come and go.
I´ve talked to some of my former students. I asked one why she left the catholic church, and in a word, she said, “fellowship”. She said she believed fellowship was actually important.
I actually honestly believe that is probably one of the reasons why people are leaving the catholic church. They sometimes don´t feel belonging, can´t fit in. If they have a question, or a doubt, instead of trying to express concern, understanding, caring, empathy, they sometimes flare out in anger, further helping to drive the person away.
I have a lot of questions myself.
Today, people were saying the pope said that there´s no answers in yoga. Now, i didn´t research it or anything, if that even was what he said. However, i practiced yoga for years, and i just had to disagree. They also believe in chastity, truthfulness, non-covetness, non-harming, non-killing.
So, if he actually said that, to me, that´s a falsehood. Yoga, does have some answers. Again, a lot of times, quotes get misquoted. Maybe he didn´t say that. If he did, it pushes me further away, still, because i believe he´s wrong…exaggerating…to a point of falsehood.
I also have other doubts, as well. Like take, euthanasia. There have been true cases where a person is cut in half, screaming to be put out of his misery. The catholic church says it’d be a grave sin to pick up a gun and shoot.
Also, i have a friend of mine who is from a family of twenty. We are told contraception is not okay. I´m from a family of eleven. We were almost a family of fifteen…seventeen including parents. I saw how they suffered.
Sometimes, it concerns me how the church will take a really hard approach, no exceptions.
Someone raised a case of a couple where one, or both, couldn´t consumate the marriage. The civil authorities will allow a couple to marry. I´m told in that case, the church would not. Now, the church says not to live in sin, to get married. If these two try to get married, again, no! So, do you see my point?
I just have several questions, myself, and i also don´t like when i´m not supposed ask, ever doubt, …or else. I don´t think it needs to be that way.
I know i haven´t told my family any of this, for the same reason. I live in mexico. They live in the us, though. I am trying to do what i can…go to church, but i find it harder and harder to believe, especially when i keep crossing paths with catholics who seem to be miserable, in part, because their interpretation of the faith. Some seem to make those around miserable, as well. Some believe suffering is good, that god wants us to suffer.
(Whatever the heck that means.) However, I don’t think that will help you deal with your family.