How to avoid/deal with idle chatter?

[rafarose]

Today, my friend and I met up, we hadn’t seen each other due to university. As you know, when friends catch up on things, they begin to talk about what had happened to other people. We graduated from high school last year, and my friend updated me on what had happened to some of my classmates (example: this guy was arrested, the other guy had a girlfriend, the other girl did this and this).

I feel really guilty since I was actively curious about what had happened to them, but I didn’t say anything, I just awkwardly listening…(I also do not know if I have committed a sin here)
So the question is, how can I deal with idle chatter, or how can I stop it before it’s too late?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

I don’t see the problem. If you wanted to know what happened to them, what’s wrong with your friend telling you?

I love hearing about my old classmates and friends. Some are dead, one is CEO of a big investment bank, some are in jail, most have wonderful families, etc. Recently some guys started a facebook page for classes of 1975-1985, and about 300 have joined and it is a blast hearing about what’s going on with people I may or may not even have thought about for 30 years.

Alan

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

If it happens you can change the subject, or saying something nice about the person usually will stop it. Also, if a appropriate, saying something such as, “We should pray for them” and then changing the subject will usually give a strong indication that you don’t wish to discuss such things.

 

[rafarose]

I don’t see the problem. If you wanted to know what happened to them, what’s wrong with your friend telling you?

I love hearing about my old classmates and friends. Some are dead, one is CEO of a big investment bank, some are in jail, most have wonderful families, etc. Recently some guys started a facebook page for classes of 1975-1985, and about 300 have joined and it is a blast hearing about what’s going on with people I may or may not even have thought about for 30 years.

Alan

Thanks Alan, but it wasn’t only just catching up, my friend was passing on “private” information, which makes me think we were gossiping, and plus I kind of enjoyed listening to what she had to say.

Edit- Or am I being scrupulous?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Thanks Alan, but it wasn’t only just catching up, my friend was passing on “private” information, which makes me think we were gossiping, and plus I kind of enjoyed listening to what she had to say.

Edit- Or am I being scrupulous?

Hmmm… hard to say from here whether it was gossiping.

But then again, I like hearing the “story behind the story” of people I know – it makes me understand them better, not judge them. When I think of gossip, I think of, “oh I have something on that person now… hee hee hee,” and not so much like, “wow, I had no idea.” Let’s face it; I love to know what’s going on; I’m either nosy or just want to know how my acquaintances are doing.

Alan

 

[rafarose]

My friend mentioned how one of our classmates was smoking weed now, and how one guy was sleeping around etc… hehe you know where this is going

As you said, I was kind of interested in knowing how they were doing rather than finding info to ruin their reputation. But still, I was engaged in the idle talk by listening and being interested right?

 

[AlanFromWichita]

My friend mentioned how one of our classmates was smoking weed now, and how one guy was sleeping around etc… hehe you know where this is going

As you said, I was kind of interested in knowing how they were doing rather than finding info to ruin their reputation. But still, I was engaged in the idle talk by listening and being interested right?

Maybe so, but it’s pretty technical and may be a bit scrupulous. Personally I enjoy knowing about other people’s lives, whether good or bad. I don’t think any more or less of them for it. But really at this point I should probably quit giving opinions because I don’t know anything about scrupulosity or how to tell if it’s kicking in. That’s one problem that I really haven’t wrestled with.

Alan

 

[odile53]

Look up “calumny” and “detraction” in the catechism, and then ask yourself if you were doing either of those things.

Here’s something I heard years ago, that has kept me out of getting myself involved in the office gossip fests: Before talking about someone, ask yourself the following three questions:

1. Is it true (how do you know, by the way?)
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

You might find those similarly useful.

 

[ready]

If it happens you can change the subject, or saying something nice about the person usually will stop it. Also, if a appropriate, saying something such as, “We should pray for them” and then changing the subject will usually give a strong indication that you don’t wish to discuss such things.

The above advise is very good.