How to Avoid Gossip

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I agree with you, it is particularly awkward when first employed. In conversation it is obvious. In social media, TXTing and E-mail it excels.

I have observed persons who are established public speakers either in interviews or direct questioning who use a delaying device. One speaker closes his eyes then opens them to respond (takes about 2 seconds) and another has repeatedly roll his hands as if it is the opening of his response then begin to speak (he takes 2 to 3 seconds to do this) these devices buy them time prior to replying. There are many other devices used by speakers to give them time to consider their response. I have asked several why they do this and the answer is “it buys me time” and “consider how the reply will appear.”
One speaker was on Parish council with me during a period of turmoil and high tension as we worked to save the parish. I have “a shoot from the hip style of responding” to negative and false assertions. Unfortunately it results in excited exchanges that don’t accomplish much. This other speaker who seemed to be able to accomplish much more always looked up at the ceiling and then at who he was addressing before speaking. He was the first one (speaker) I asked as to why he did this. “I get a chance to keep it civil and find an approach that might be successful.” He didn’t accept the false or negative but able to question it without aggravating the situation.

I now use a slow inhaling before I respond and it does help. Thinking for those few seconds changes many of my replies. At first, I found it not natural; it did not feel right; I felt I was hurting my own case. Strangely after practicing it with consciously for a while it slipped into almost an automatic action without me noticing.

What are we to do if someone starts talking negatively about someone else that you both know? Just ignore it?
Confront it with patience and charity. Opposing does not have to be offending. BUT NEVER ignore it. Ignoring it only makes it worse for the subject, the person citing it and for you. Remember a response does not have to be immediate. Literally it can be tomorrow. It may have to be tomorrow depending on the level of sensitivity. If you cannot answer at the time do next time. Kinda macro form of the above “delays.”

Hope this helped!
God Bless
Tajho
 
I don’t like hearing gossip, especially about people i like. It makes me feel bad for them. And it’s also embarrassing when you’re among the chatter.
And just saying that you know people who gossip is also that.
 
Keep to your yourself, mind your own business. Spend time doing things alone rather than around people who talk about people, get up or walk away from someone who starts talking about someone or don’t say anything
 
“To watch over mouth and tongue is to keep out of trouble.”
Proverbs 21:23
 
I heard a good one -

it’s popular among tough barrooms and motorcycle riders - but still holds true -

" Don’t let your tongue get your teeth knocked out "
 
Another thought to add . . . I can’t find the link, but I recently read an article from a Catholic perspective about the most pernicious side of gossip: By delighting in someone else’s flaws and downfall, you’re siding with the Enemy.

Ouch.
 
blackforest said:
By delighting in someone else’s flaws
and downfall,
you’re siding with the Enemy.
Click to expand...
The last thing you want to do is encourage a gossip.
Today’s men gossip way more - than women.
Men should be ashamed of themselves - at how they gossip.
Not just SSA men either.
 
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