How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk

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Bruised_Reed

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Are any of you familiar with the programs P.I.C.K. a Partner, How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk or Jerkette by Dr. John van Epp? An area crisis pregnancy center had info on this and I have read an article where the military offers this program.

I was wondering if anyone here has done this, read the book or knows someone who has.

I’m interested in your thoughts.

ETA: Website here.
 
That subject normally is presented every two years at Theology-on-Tap. Presented correctly, it reinforces the idea of abstinence before marriage, as well as giving “red flags” of potential trouble in a marriage.

On the negative side, depending on how it is presented, because it talks a lot about how our “family of origin” molds us, it could leave the impression that without therapy we will be doomed to be like our parents.
 
Some easy reading:

“Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Ruin Their Lives”

“Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Ruin Their Lives”

“Woman Power”

“Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage”

“Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”

Interesting perspectives on choosing well and behaving well, insteading of choosing badly and behaving badly.

The author in each case is Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
 
I have found some things on the web that question the effectiveness of the programs. In some ways that’s what I’m looking for. I want to know if folks have used this program with any success without trying to sell me something 😉
Al_Masetti said:
Some easy reading:

“Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Ruin Their Lives”

“Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Ruin Their Lives”

“Woman Power”

“Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage”

“Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”

Interesting perspectives on choosing well and behaving well, insteading of choosing badly and behaving badly.

The author in each case is Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
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Thanks Al. While I’m looking for info on the above program specifically, you did give me a idea. I have the second book listed and I may have an opportunity to use it.

Thanks to both of you!
 
Bruised_Reed said:
I have found some things on the web that question the effectiveness of the programs. In some ways that’s what I’m looking for. I want to know if folks have used this program with any success without trying to sell me something 😉

Thanks Al. While I’m looking for info on the above program specifically, you did give me a idea. I have the second book listed and I may have an opportunity to use it.

Thanks to both of you!
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It’s not so much of a “program” … as it is a kind of thinking that preserves the self from “core beliefs” that are self-destructive and unhelpful.

Both men and women fall victim to both inside and outside pressures to conform to behaviors that are destructive. Neither age nor experience is of much benefit, unfortunately. And the damage can take 10 to 20 years to “work out”.

AND, there are people out there who seem to enjoy deliberately screwing up other people with really bad advice.

That’s why the books I mentioned in the post (#3) provide some “balance” that can help offset both bad advice and malicious persuasion, along with the core beliefs that are destructive.

I’ve repeated the titles of the books:

“Ten Stupid Things Men Do to Ruin Their Lives”

“Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Ruin Their Lives”

“Woman Power”

“Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage”

“Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands”

Interesting perspectives on choosing well and behaving well, insteading of choosing badly and behaving badly.

The author in each case is Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
 
Gee I’m stupid, I had to learn from experience. After my ex walked out the door I spent a year figuring out how all this happened by praying, soul searching, and confessing. Then I spent the next year figuring out who I was and what I wanted in life and praying… Then after a few years I met my husband and we started dating…and praying. Guess I could have forgone all the hard work praying and discerning what was God’s will and just took a class or read a book…:whistle:
 
BlestOne said:
Guess I could have forgone all the hard work praying and discerning what was God’s will and just took a class or read a book…:whistle:
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It’s not an either/or kind of thing. Some people can jump right into soul searching and prayer but others may need a book or class to get them headed in the right direction. You are one of the smart ones who didn’t need any extra help:thumbsup:
**I, on the other hand, must be one of the “dumb” ones. I can actually credit listening to Dr.Laura’s radio program with getting me on the right track spiritually. Once I had my eyes opened by her no nonsense views on morality I was open to my hubby’s example of Catholicism…and the rest is history:) **
malia
 
No Malia,
I don’t consider myself one of the smart ones. I lived 13 years in a marriage that can only be described as he**. When he walked out the door it was a relief. I lost everything except my children yet I felt like I had won because I had what was important to me. I had nothing left except my faith and my kids, so if I wanted to keep it together, I had to depend on my faith.
 
Al_Masetti said:
It’s not so much of a “program” … as it is a kind of thinking that preserves the self from “core beliefs” that are self-destructive and unhelpful.

(…)
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I’m not sure what you mean. The website describes it as a “program”…
 
BlestOne said:
Gee I’m stupid, I had to learn from experience. After my ex walked out the door I spent a year figuring out how all this happened by praying, soul searching, and confessing. Then I spent the next year figuring out who I was and what I wanted in life and praying… Then after a few years I met my husband and we started dating…and praying. Guess I could have forgone all the hard work praying and discerning what was God’s will and just took a class or read a book….:whistle:
Click to expand...
This goes to the heart of it all: How effective are these programs? Do the people who attend fair better after going through P.I.C.K a Partner? What’s the success rate I wonder. I think praying and discernement should be the first step and something like this a “tool” to used in discernment. You know?

Something like this looks good at first glance but is it truely effective?

That is why I asked if anyone had any working knowledge of this specific program. I’m not really looking for other resources.
 
Oh, ok, that’s a different source from the one(s) I posted.
 
Word of advice for some women. If you are dating a guy who doesn’t go to church then you are dating the wrong guy. If they don’t go now don’t expect marriage to have some sort of converstion powers over a man.
 
Logically, whom you don’t hang out with, you don’t befriend or fall in love with, therefore you have no incentive to marry. Therefore, making sure not to hang out with jerks should limit the possibility of marrying a jerk.

With no intent to hurt or offend anyone, I have to say that women, especially young ones, do tend to be attracted to certain qualities in men which are not that good. Think all the mystery aura. The uncertainty. Not knowing what he really thinks, what he will do. Some men even know how to use it consciously and on purpose in order to conquer a woman.

I would say getting over the fascination with uncertainty and learning to appreciate the guy who keeps his word and says his mind could save many women from disasters. I’ve noticed that sometimes women are more at ease with men confessing sexual attraction than a feeling of love. I can’t possibly say where it comes from apart from blaming it on the modern times, but I’m sure it leads to no good, but contrary, to suffering.

Both sexes have the “bad” fascination. Bad guys, bad girls. The sooner one gets over it, the better. Not falling for such behaviour at any stage is probably the best way to avoid falling victim to a jerk in the future. Personally, I don’t take well to jealousy plays, excessive drama, unequal treatment (double standards), recanted promises, punitive behaviour and the like, and I can’t say I’m unhappy with it. This is not to say I try to be unforgiving, but I just want promises kept, feelings not toyed with and some measure of proportion observed. Imperfections are what we love people for, but let’s not be mean…
 
While I appreciate the advice or suggestions offered I was/am looking for thoughts, opinions, experiences regarding the program mentioned and linked in the first post.

Not alternatives.

Thanks though.
 
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