How to be a widow

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TheLittleLady

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My husband of 29 years went to God on Friday. It was sudden, unrelated to his chronic health issues.

Here I am, numb. DH received the Sacraments of the Dying including an Apostolic Pardon. My soul is at peace that he is with God.

It is all the rest. I’ve already forgotten the sound of his voice, he did not even have a personal message on his cell phone that I can play over and over.

I tried to sleep in one of his shirts, but, it was too large and uncomfortable. Do I give it all away and then regret that later?

I’ve had a couple of tearing up episodes, but, maybe I am a bad person because I have not broken down and sobbed.

As many times as you have seen others do this, until you lose your spouse, you simply do not know what this is like. We were supposed to grow old together, heck, we were supposed to go to a ComicCon together next week.
 
My heart breaks for you. Don’t make any decisions right now - just allow yourself to “feel.” Many prayers for you.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss.

If you have a grief support group in your community, I encourage you to go.

As for decision making, I’ve read not to make any big decisions for 6 months to a year. I’d include cleaning our belongings in that category. It can wait.

Let yourself grieve, you don’t have to go into action mode right now.
 
Everyone grieves differently. If you haven’t needed to break down yet, that’s fine. It will come. For me, it came in waves. And still does, just not as often. (Well, mostly not as often.) If you’re not sure about giving away his clothes, don’t. Wait.
What you should do for now, from my experience, is take care of yourself. Let yourself feel whatever you feel. Don’t think “I should feel this,” or “I shouldn’t feel that.” Don’t think you should be crying more, or you should be crying less. Let yourself grieve his loss. And let yourself rejoice in his life, and your life together.

They’re waiting for us. Someday it will seem like such a short time we were apart. I hold on to that, every day.
 
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It hasn’t even been a week. Oh, please don’t think that you have to “be” anything other than a grieving wife at this moment. Feel your feels!
 
Everyone else has given good advice. I’ve been thinking about you since I saw your posts yesterday. You’re in my prayers. :hugs: 🙏
 
Give yourself time, don’t do anything major like dump all his stuff or sell property for at least a year (unless you absolutely have to for financial reasons), and go to Adoration a lot. Also, you have other immediate family you can spend time with, which is a good thing to do.
 
Take the time you need to grieve. As others have said, don’t do anything drastic for a while.
My wife was a widow when I met her. She’d been alone for about fourteen years concentrating on raising her son. The primary thing she had to do immediately was to get a grasp on her financial situation. She found it wasn’t pretty, but that’s a different story. Just make sure you can access all accounts and get them all in your name. I don’t know your age, but based on the length of marriage you may qualify for social security survivor benefits. If you have minor children, they also get a benefit until they turn eighteen. If he had life insurance, you can file for that.
Rest assured, many here are praying for you.
God Bless
 
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You might also want to read this, I found it helpful.


If you want to say some kind of mourning ritual prayer for a set period of time, that can help.

I would avoid all online articles about widowhood because 95 percent of them are about how to get back to dating or having sex again, which is the last place my mind was or has been since I got widowed suddenly. I was more interested in figuring out how to change light bulbs I was too short to reach and arrangements for my cats who had just lost their regular sitter.
 
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your family! My guess is that this is one of those things that there is no “right” or “best” way to do. Sending love and prayers your way!
 
I doubt there’s any right way. If you need, maybe ask if anyone at church could box some stuff up for you? That way you wouldn’t have to deal with it until you’re ready.

I have adoration tomorrow night; I’ll remember your intentions for then.
 
I am so sorry, Little Lady. Talk to God and pray for your husband. I hope that you have friends and family who can be quiet with you if you need quiet time but don’t want to be all by yourself. Don’t forget to eat and to get out in the air a bit.
I pray that my loved ones are in heaven with God and when I go to Mass sometimes I imagine them singing the Holy Holy Holy, together with the saints and angels and all of us in my church. Mass is our link to the Most High and there is a continuum which runs across space and time.
May God bless you and Our Mother Mary give you shelter during these hard times.
Amen.
 
jeannetherese said:
I go to Mass sometimes I imagine them singing the Holy Holy Holy, together with the saints and angels and all of us in my church.
Click to expand...
My grandfather died a few weeks before Christmas (years ago). On Christmas the grief was still fresh. At midnight Mass, the choir sang “Angels We Have Heard On High.” During the Gloria in excelsis Deo refrain, my thoughts went immediately to picturing my grandfather singing with all the angels in heaven. I’ll never forget that.
 
LittleLady, I wish I could think of something comforting to say… I can’t imagine how much of a shock this was for you. All I can say is that you are in my prayers. I will also pray for your husband’s soul, which as you say is probably unnecessary because he’s already in Heaven.

One thing I know is that there is nothing wrong with you if you aren’t crying. Some people cry when they grieve and some do not. Tears are not a sign of greater grief.
 
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I was in your shoes ten years ago. Nothing can prepare you for it.
Your faith will get you through. Try not to pressure yourself in to what you think you “should” be doing.
Believe me when I tell you, the time will come, and maybe very soon, you will feel his presence with you 🙂
How to be a widow? You be yourself, you trust in God and you come here to us for comfort, advice, to vent and as always, give to the others the most wonderful words.
Oh and when you cry, and you will, those tears actually produce healing hormones.
Remember the good times and even the not so good ones. Our memories are what keeps those who have passed away nearby.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
 
I’m so sorry.

My mom was widowed in her fifties. My dad died suddenly.

I know losing a parent is different than losing a spouse. Some how mentally we know our parents will someday go before us.

Be gentle with yourself. I know that when my dad died, the initial shock sort of numbed us psychologically for a while before we could really comprehend what happened.

Take one day at a time.

I’ll keep you in my prayers, sending you a virtual hug.
 
Eternal rest grant unto him O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. Amen
 
Because of things that happend a decade ago, we own nothing more than two broke down cars. No estate, nothing but momentos. So, that makes things simple.
 
Because he was on SSDI, and I am over 50, I will qualify for widow benis. Have to get my birth certificate and the death certificate to apply. It took some time for the DC, coroner and holiday weekend and all
 
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