How to be Catholic and have friends?

[kristie_m]

One other thing you might consider, is getting involved with Cursillo. It starts with a three day retreat and the community building is amazing. I know of many many deep friendships that have come from making or working a Cursillo weekend. BUT…If you do it, make sure you take part in a “4th day” group. This is where those relationships really thrive.

Good luck!!

 

[Em_in_FL]

Once again, a major part of the question is that each of us views living the faith differently. Fortunately or unfortunately, I tend to bristle at injustice, whether it is displayed in the media or in conversation. I’m learning how to handle those situations with tact, but at the same time, someone above mentioned being a positive influence on the people we meet. If we don’t comment regarding injustice, how can we be any influence? When do we stand up and say enough is enough, when we are so secularized that there is little left in our faith? Moral relativism is an evil. Everything from commericals to daily conversation are filled with attacks on righteousness. How about the fact that when you want to stop at a store and you are with someone, you have to explain that you aren’t shopping at that closer or more convenient drug store or supermarket because their pharmacy carries the “morning-after” pill? You can’t avoid that conversation unless you give up your conviction. This is just one example of many. One cannot watch a television show with a friend, because if you are offended by the content of the show or the commercials, your choice to leave or turn it off becomes a matter of conversation.

If you are consciously aware of the overwhelming effect of secularism on society, you can’t avoid these conversations. This ISN’T about judging others, if anything it is about being judged - as “boring”, as “unidimensional”, as “a chore”. The quoted words are what I’ve been referred to as thus far in this thread.

I’m experiencing the same problem here as I do elsewhere. Now, I’m not dense, egotistical or prideful enough to think that I’m always right. I recognize I have a dilemma, or I wouldn’t have asked the question.

I do understand and agree with your convictions… however, we are not required to carry the burden of society’s sins on our shoulders. You mentioned specifically avoiding shopping at a particular store… this is not something that is required of our faith… to “boycott” everything that may have an inkling of a link to sin. We must keep our own consciences clear.
We must live IN this world, but not OF it… avoiding all exposure to sin in the world is not possible… it’s how we handle that exposure and live it out in our own lives.
For example… you’re on the internet right now… you know there is a LOT of garbage online… just because internet commerce is used for smut doesn’t mean that internet commerce is the root of all evils.

Sharing your convictions in conversation with others is a wonderful thing. But it must be done with tact and love… otherwise that message will NEVER be received by the listener. You say that you’re not being “judgmental”, and maybe you’re not in your heart… but the listener’s interpretation is also extremely important… otherwise that message of evangelization falls on deaf ears.

Never waiver in who you are… or give in to the sins of this world… but remember that HOW you handle these types of situations can be just as important as IF you handle these situations…
The IF isn’t a question… you can’t back down on your beliefs!
The HOW is where the line can be drawn… do your beliefs inspire others to WANT to be like you?

 

[ElizabethAnne]

There in lies the problem. Don’t take everything so seriously. But more important than that, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone but God. If someone asks why you’re going to a particular store, just say that you prefer it over the other one. You don’t have to give them too much information. It might freak them out a little.

I disagree with you Dempsey. We are called as Christians to give our entire lives over to Christ. It is not possible to do “too much” or to be “too religious.”

Kevin, I totally understand where you are coming from. Finding great friends is, unfortunately, difficult. And it takes time! You have to cultivate relationships over time in order to make great friends. Just hang in there and keep trying because this difficulty you are facing will work itself out.

 

[kevin0116]

Well, I just wanted to say thanks again to all of you, especially for the following advice and thoughts and any that I missed. They were particularly helpful and supportive.

We are called as Christians to give our entire lives over to Christ. It is not possible to do “too much” or to be “too religious.”

One other thing you might consider, is getting involved with Cursillo.

Don’t attempt to adjust who you are for other people, simply be open to everyone, and eventually you will find someone who is on your wavelength. Just keep looking, and stay open.

when it comes to explaining some of the reasons why or why you don’t do certain things, try to bring in a secular comparison

Extend yourself a little, practice a virtue like hospitality and invite someone new into your home to share a meal.

I find that this quote helps me to remember that all my interactions with family and friends must not initially revolve around faith discussions because they are not where I am in their faith journey (and God also has a good way of reminding me that I’m not as far as I think I am, but one must be open to recieve that humbling message from God). Also, you should not be hesitant to befriend those in your parish who are 30 years older than you. Some of my dearest friends in the past and present have usually been/are 20+ years older than I am. Then again, I grew up socializing with everyone in my family so I am comfortable being around all ages.

In my old city, the place I found really good friendships with people who were like-minded was through my parish bible study.

 

[maria29]

I am open to most types of people. I am also the type to be a quiet Catholic. I’ve had more people tell me that I was the first Catholic and/or Christian that they’ve been able to be a friend with and hold a conversation with because I can be rational, calm and nondefensive when talking about the faith.

I think as Catholics we’re called to share our faith, but to do so in a Christ like manner. I suggest too perhaps looking into yahoo groups or something like it to see if there are any groups in your area that match your interests.

 

[kevin0116]

I am open to most types of people. I am also the type to be a quiet Catholic. I’ve had more people tell me that I was the first Catholic and/or Christian that they’ve been able to be a friend with and hold a conversation with because I can be rational, calm and nondefensive when talking about the faith.

I think as Catholics we’re called to share our faith, but to do so in a Christ like manner. I suggest too perhaps looking into yahoo groups or something like it to see if there are any groups in your area that match your interests.

Hey, thanks for the comment, and while I think it is a serious misrepresentation to imply that most Catholics can’t be or aren’t rational, calm and non-defensive when discussing the faith, it is easy to see how that stereotype has been built given the state of our society. Either way, good idea regarding the online groups…that was another reason why I tried coming online here!

Thanks again.

 

[m_crane]

I think that people need to share core values in order to form a friendship. Serious issues such as a person being pro abortion, homosexuality or divorce(often selfishly motivated) can be a red flag that a person has a not capable of true friendship.
I understand where you are coming from.

I assuming your wife is your true friend. Do you have children? If not, what about building your own community of friends - start a family?
My husband and my children(grown now) are my best friends.

 

[pumpkinbeast]

You try over, and over, and over, and over again, with different people, until you meet someone who doesn’t mind the fact you’re Catholic, or better yet, is Catholic too! That’s been my experience, anyway. Sometimes I feel like my (Catholic) boyfriend is my only real friend. So, don’t forget about your wife! Even if no one else will be your friend, you’ll always have her to turn to. You’ll find people, don’t worry. It just takes time. Don’t forget to pray about it. And pray for me, while your at it! I need someone to be my maid of honor someday, I don’t have a girl friend that is close enough for me to consider yet.

 

[Lady_Bug]

I’m at a point where I am weary of having non-Catholic friends who try to “debate” me in my faith because I am newly studying Catholicism and am interested in converting, but I am “weak” in the faith such that if I enter discussions with the person, that person is a “threat” to my faith.

What does one do? Especially if the other person is so into their faith that they feel compromised if they cannot discuss religion with you.

 

[shannyk]

This ISN’T about judging others, if anything it is about being judged - as “boring”, as “unidimensional”, as “a chore”. The quoted words are what I’ve been referred to as thus far in this thread.

Kevin for what it’s worth I get were you are coming from and I I don’t see you as being any of those. I see you as being different, in a good way, and I can identify with you very much.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I feel your pain. Not to minimize your feelings, but actually 2 years doesn’t sound too awfully long to me. I guess that’s because I’ve lived in this metro-area for the last 12 years, and in this particular village for the last 7. We have very few people in town whom we feel a strong connection to, and really only one family whom we have known long enough to freely call a very close friend. While alot of this is because of the same things you mention (it being hard to find people who truly have your values), I think alot of it is also because of my personality and temperment. I happen to take a REALLY long time to warm up to people. And the circumstances of my life, (being a faithful catholic, homeschooling my children etc.) only compound that problem.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with cultivating friendships outside of your typical sphere - getting involved in a secular hobby, etc… but I do think that for some people, it is very hard to form deep friendships with people who don’t share your core values. For some, more outgoing, sanguine types, this is not a problem. But for a shy, introverted melancholic like myself, the deep value-based connection is more important. Of course, if you cultivate alot of acquaintances, you’re more likely to “coincidentally” run into someone there who does share your values, or to even make enough social connections that you do eventually meet more like minded people. I have not actually gone that route, because frankly, I feel very busy, and I don’t think I have the time or energy to do that. My approach has been to keep plugging away in the Catholic homeschooling community (because that’s my THING) and to cultivate that virtue of patience. I have noticed a VERY gradual improvement in our social life in the last couple of years, and I continue to plug away, believing that little by little, we will be more satisfied with our social situation.

I wish you the best. Pray for patience.