How to be chaste with my boyfriend?

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catholic12

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I’m so sorry if I post this in the wrong area or if I do it wrong somehow, this is my first post.

My boyfriend and I are Catholic teenagers, both educated in the Faith (he goes to a private school, and I am homeschooled with a Catholic curriculum) and we both want to love each other chastely. We try to never be alone to avoid temptation, though I will admit that we slip up sometimes- but I am actively trying to better that. After realizing it was sinful, we stopped any passionate kissing (I have not kissed him in a while, actually, to obey my parents’ wishes) and I no longer put myself anywhere on top of him. When we sit on the couch together, my head is on his shoulder and his arm may be around me (his hand resting on my arm), but we are not laying down and I am not on top of him. I will admit, again, I slip up with that a little from time to time- but I am able to pull myself out of it. I have confessed the things that we discovered were sinful.

I went to a chastity talk after which they had chastity pledge cards and I signed one and also got one for my boyfriend, which he signed. As of right now, we are dating with the intention of marrying each other one day, but obviously we know that things can happen (especially in teen relationships) and it’s not guaranteed that we will be married.

We are no perfect two, but we are trying very hard to respect each other, our parents, and, most importantly, God. We pray for each other, we occasionally attend adoration together, we go to the same youth group, we discuss Catholic theology with one another, and try to glorify God with our relationship as much as possible. I pray for him and my future husband, should they not be not be the same person, every day that my flawed brain can remember.

I want to attend adoration more frequently with him, and I want to start saying the rosary over facetime with him.

In conclusion, my boyfriend and I are trying very hard to live chastely. Do you have any tips or advice for us to pursue the virtue of chastity, especially in the society we live in today? We are both young and sins against impurity are very common for people our age, and I want to battle against that for my boyfriend and I.

Thank you for reading. 🙂
 
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Read John Paul II’s Theology of the Body with him, or at least a study/condensed version
 
How beautiful your testimony is! The desire to be chaste can only come from Our Lord and you both have it!

I struggled with chastity with my soon-to-be fiance for many months. It seemed as though we were both going to Confession at least once, sometimes twice, per month. I then decided to abstain from kissing on the lips, and she delightfully took my lead. Now, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with kissing of the lips, but, I will tell you, it rid us of about 99% of carnal temptation! We have even laid down together and cuddled (I do not recommend that!) and we can be chaste; because, without kissing on the lips, it seems as though any other physical, romantic acts would be pure objectification and that is not appealing to us.

Other than that, I strongly, very strongly encourage for both of you to devoutly pray the Rosary daily! Outside of Holy Mass, that will give you more strength to resist temptation than anything else. 🙂
 
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Also, don’t get too attached - emotional chastity is important here as well.
I went through a breakup with a girl around a year ago- We held our faith in common, and it was important to both of us, but, in a way, that made it hurt more.
Be open to the will of God in your relationship- If you or he needs to break up in order to more fully discern your vocations, let it happen. God will guide you both.

Sorry to be a downer, but its true
 
Thank you very much. It’s hard advice, but it is true.
 
Sounds like you are making a very determined effort. Continue as you are doing now. You know in both your mind and you heart what is right. Yours is a difficult time in life. Be gentle with yourself and trust in the goodness and love of Christ and all his saints to guide you along the way. Best wishes to you.
Shalom
 
Read Pope JPII’s Theology of the Body, don’t spend a lot of time alone with each other. Do things on your dates that occupy your time.
 
catholic12 said:
Do you have any tips or advice for us to pursue the virtue of chastity, especially in the society we live in today?
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I’d pass an “everyone’s pants stay zipped up” rule and otherwise enjoy the heat of youth. Old bodies don’t play like young bodies and every day that passes will never come back.
 
Ehhh…

Dry humping / grinding / necking isint exactly chaste and pants stay on for all of those…

The old rule of ‘If you wouldnt do it in front of parents/grandparents/future spouse, don’t do it all’ is a good starting point
 
Stay modest, don’t be alone together in private and don’t do anything you would not do in front of both sets of parents - otherwise have fun with your friends !
 
Maximilian75 said:
The old rule of ‘If you wouldnt do it in front of parents/grandparents/future spouse, don’t do it all’ is a good starting point
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But it’s not an end-all-be-all.

One of the funnest/funniest moments of my life was when me, my buddy the rest of his wedding party (all guys) spontaneously decided that we needed to “skinny-dip” and swim across a large creek near our town famous for how cold it is (flows out of a cave and 100 yards later back into a cave - all in the shade). Waited until nightfall the evening before his wedding. Had a riotous time we talk about even today.

Would not have done it in front of my dad. And I would have totally missed out.
 
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I meant in the context of romantic relationship.

That story is a riot hahaha
 
Theology of His Body/Theology of Her Body: …
Book by Jason Evert

Check this out.

Patrick
AMDG
 
The best way to avoid temptation is to simply avoid temptation. Many priests teach that if you are not ready to get married, you should avoid dating. The virtuous goal of dating and courtship is marriage. Perhaps the two of you should move to a friendly relationship until such time as you are old enough and secure enough to marry.
 
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That is so very true! I had one classmate in college who got married when he turned 19. Him and his girlfriend had been together since high school. Well, within 6 months they separated.
 
If your into that kind of strict chastity then you should just break it off with him. I don’t think you’re ready for a boyfriend relationship.

Not having sex is one thing. But not kissing because you think it’s a sin isn’t staying true to what an exclusive relationship between a young male and female is.
 
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1Lord1Faith said:
If your into that kind of strict chastity then you should just break it off with him. I don’t think you’re ready for a boyfriend relationship.

Not having sex is one thing. But not kissing because you think it’s a sin isn’t staying true to what an exclusive relationship between a young male and female is.
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I’ll second that.

I would describe my youthful experiences while dating as “thrilling” and I’ve few, if any, regrets. Even the regrets, if you’d call them that, are more bitter-sweet than bitter.

I technically married as a virgin and so did my wife, but really only by the “skin of our teeth”. I begrudge no one that fails in the noble endeavor.
 
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