How to be chaste with my boyfriend?

[TechieGuy]

You kids sound sweet - I hope it works out well for you no matter what happens.

 

[AdamP88]

Don’t spend time alone with no parents about.

Do stuff instead of just “hanging out”. Go kayaking, the zoo, the gym, a waterpark.

 

[Xantippe]

We try to never be alone to avoid temptation, though I will admit that we slip up sometimes- but I am actively trying to better that.

I have to mention that when you are older and engaged/preparing for marriage, it will eventually be appropriate (and in fact a very good idea) to spend time with your fiance at your respective homes and do home stuff together. And more physical affection will be appropriate when you’re within a year or so of marriage.

It sounds like you are doing well. Also, chastity is a whole lot easier when the other person is on board. That is something to remember–that chastity is a team sport, and that there’s no point in playing with a team member if he/she is playing for the other side.

I like the book “How Far Can We Go?: A Catholic Guide to Sex and Dating,” which talks a lot about how different guidelines are appropriate at different times in your life.

Best wishes!

 

[Xantippe]

Also, don’t get too attached - emotional chastity is important here as well.

I think it’s not really possible to not get too attached–but it might help to make sure that the rest of your life is in balance. Are you spending appropriate amounts of time and energy on family, friends and school?

 

[Maximilian75]

A better way of phrasing what I meant.

He can be important for you, but he shouldnt be your everything

 

[Xantippe]

The old rule of ‘If you wouldnt do it in front of parents/grandparents/future spouse, don’t do it all’ is a good starting point

Weeell, the future spouse wouldn’t want to see you even holding hands or watching a movie on the same sofa with high school boyfriend/girlfriend. Heck, they wouldn’t even want to see you sending gooey texts or swing dancing…

(I don’t want to beat up on you in particular, Maximilian75, it’s just that you have comments I want to talk about.)

But yes, I agree with Maximilian75 that “pants on” is only a start.

I believe @TisBearself had a fine list a few months ago.

The best way to avoid temptation is to simply avoid temptation. Many priests teach that if you are not ready to get married, you should avoid dating. The virtuous goal of dating and courtship is marriage. Perhaps the two of you should move to a friendly relationship until such time as you are old enough and secure enough to marry.

I think it’s fine if they do high school appropriate “dating,”–namely going to each other’s school events, spending time with each other’s families, etc. Basically, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” but with the understanding that as you move into college and young adult years (and closer every year to marriage) and get more experienced with self-control and understand your limits, you can give yourselves more freedom.

Come to think of it, one of the best things you can do is to lay the groundwork for being a young adult who won’t have financial obstacles to marriage and having a family. So, study, choose and pursue appropriate professions, learn to do everything that needs to be done at home (cooking, cleaning, maintenance, personal finance), choose appropriate colleges or trade programs (I typoed “trad programs”!!!), control debt, and put yourselves on track to being able to get married as soon as you feel ready.

He can be important for you, but he shouldnt be your everything

Right. It’s natural to feel that way, but it can be really limiting for a high schooler if their boyfriend/girlfriend is their entire world.

 

[Maximilian75]

Personaly, I woudn’t say so… that would be more “awww” than “eww” for me

 

[Xantippe]

You’re a good guy.

 

[Maximilian75]

I mean’ there’s certainly a line, but IMO, being jealous of such stuff is kind of a sign of insecurity.

And hey, the one-eyed man is king of the blind

 

[klmt123]

Jason & Crystalina Everett have great talks and books on theology of the body for teens! Also Gods Plan for You, and Christian courtship in an Oversexed World are good books!