How to combat sexual sin second time around

[slonce]

I would appreciate advice. At the beginning of high school, I managed with a lot of difficulty to finally break my habit of masturbation. At the end of college, after experiencing a lot of tough things in my life (for which I am still addressing through therapy, etc.), the habit sadly began to slowly creep back. I was really overjoyed when a relationship with a guy the following year made me finally break free once again, to the point that it didn’t even cross my mind. I wouldn’t dare to, as I finally had something pure to look forward to and knew that I could one day use this energy in the right context of marriage. However, after we went our separate ways, I am struggling more than before, and not just with masturbation but also with porn, which was not an issue before. In good times, I can’t imagine going there because I would be stooping so low, but at low moments, I think despair makes me go to exactly that place I never thought I would go to. I continue to go to confession, but I continue to struggle to find a way to overcome these sins. Before the coronavirus, I thought adoration would help me to successfully combat these sins, but unfortunately, I was not able to go to adoration these past few months.

I want to know, what are some ways that have been effective for others in combating sexual sin/pornography, especially when a sin has “returned” into your life after some time?

 

[Vico]

…
I want to know, what are some ways that have been effective for others in combating sexual sin/pornography, especially when a sin has “returned” into your life after some time?

Recognize that no amount of excitement will eliminate the feelings experienced from stress.

Control of the environment (occasion) and thoughts is the key. As soon as the thought comes into the mind and is recognized as sinful it must be turned away willfully. Once the will commits to dwell on the thought known to be sinful, the interior sin is committed.

 

[kapp19]

With 6th Commandment issues, it is 99% about keeping the temptation away to begin with. My standard advice:

There are monitoring programs (like Covenant Eyes) that can help with controlling electronic media. You could try using that with a trusted friend or mentor. Other than that, you need to put distance between yourself and the occasion of sin - keep windows and doors open, take cold showers, reduce (or eliminate temporarily) alcohol use around certain people/in certain situations, etc. Laughing more is also helpful, especially in the moment of temptation (rational delight filling the body - so watch more comedy!) as is fasting and other mild discomfort which distracts the body (holding your breath, biting your tongue, etc.)… just getting up and walking around can also give the space and time necessary to get a grip. Exercise also helps, in various ways, also in the moment… distracting and exhausting the body. Instinctively praying a decade of the rosary (meditating especially on one of the sorrowful mysteries) or singing a verse of a pious hymn will also create the time and strength of will you need to do what is right. Meditate also in the moment on the imminence of death, and always ask for the help of the Blessed Virgin Mary and St. Joseph… and ask the Lord always for the help you need. Go to confession as needed, then return to receiving Holy Communion.

 

[Inquiry]

The act is the important thing to stop, but it is not the important thing to focus on. All of the innumerable habits that lead you to the act are. From my experience, by the time you find yourself really struggling with temptation you’ve actually been struggling for hours.

There are two types of behavior you need to focus on getting rid of: habits that lead to the opportunity and habits that lead to the desire. The former are things that you subconsciously associate with the act or which put you in a position where you have better access to the act. These can range from the obvious (being alone with a computer) to the non-intuitive (watching TV at 5 in the afternoon). It doesn’t matter why they remind you of the act, you might not even know the reason, it only matters that they do.

The latter are things that put you in a dangerous mood. Arousal is the obvious one, but masturbation is frequently more about stress relief or consolation than actual pleasure so look for the things that make you feel anxious, stressed, or bad as well. Pay special attention to those things which are good in the immediate sense but have a longer term fallout. As an example, I had to completely give up eating ice cream alone, not because it made me think of masturbation but because I would eat to much of it and be down on myself for the rest of the day.

As you identify these behaviors start eliminating them. Don’t worry too much about the impracticality, this is largely a short term solution. Long term the goal is to rehabilitate the habits you can’t give up, so that they don’t lead you to sin anymore. But for now you are trying to build the muscle of not giving into temptation so early on you need to give yourself every advantage possible.

Also, if you ever get the sense that if you don’t stop a behavior now you are going to give in, listen to it. I’ve literally avoided going home for hours because for some reason I knew that if I faced the opportunity that day I would fall. There was no apparent difference between that day and the days before it and after it, but I’m glad I listened to my gut.

 

[brown_bear]

I continue to go to confession

This is very good, slonce, but you also need regular spiritual direction, obviously not with a modernist priest who eliminated sixth commandment.

Because, you see, it is very difficult to say something sensible to whom you don’t know in person.

 

[drac16]

I used to be addicted to pornography. I would view pornography 3-4 times a week. What has helped me is to control my gaze. If you control what you look at, you will have a much easier time avoiding pornography and masturbation. When you are watching TV, don’t look at the screen when commercials are on. The commercials are full of images that are meant to trigger you. Moreover, avoid looking at the magazines at the checkout aisles at Wal-Mart. When you are driving somewhere, don’t look at the billboards.

If you don’t control your gaze, your lust will only get stronger. Learn to control yourself by being very careful about what you look at.

 

[Lucy_1]

At the end of college, after experiencing a lot of tough things in my life (for which I am still addressing through therapy, etc.), the habit sadly began to slowly creep back.

It seems like masturbation is used to relieve stress. You may want to examine this and put other stress relievers in place which aren’t sinful.

I think whatever the sin is, you must learn to despise it. That can be difficult, since sin is enjoyable or we wouldn’t do it! I would think of pornography as a drug (and in many respects it is similar) Would you ever go buy heroin or meth and use it, even one time? If not, chances are because you take it seriously and realize it is dangerous. While porn might seem more innocuous, think about how once you see something, you can’t under it. Do you want those images to pop in your head on your wedding night?! Think about the impact of porn on our culture (sex trafficking, objectification of women, etc) do you want to contribute to that?

You’ve gotten plenty of other good advice here. I will pray for you. A lot of ppl struggle with this and it is difficult to lick the habit, but you can do it, with God’s help.

 

[Dimmesdale]

I think that not all people’s psychologies are equal on this issue. This is not to say that sexual sin doesn’t equally effect all. It does. But it seems to me different people handle it differently. Some people can go on sinning but it effects them less (that is, inconveniences them in concrete ways), others are more sensitive, and it effects them more deleteriously.

When it comes to commitments, that gets me. I actually fell down less than a week ago and it took a toll on me because I felt I had betrayed the Lord. There is also the idea of spiritual progress, and that after a fall down you are back down to zero. I think that strictness has to be tempered with grace. Every day is a new day that you can get up and dust yourself off and recommit yourself. That said, one should “use not your liberty for an occasion to the flesh” Galatians 5:13.

One thing I think is helping me is the principle to, “see things with the eyes of a child.” That is, instead of seeing the world with cynical or exploitative eyes, seeing the world with the same rekindled wonder as a child, regaining that innocence. Realizing there is more power in that than indulging the sinful nature. That may sound like empty nostalgia, but just meditating on that idea I think has helped me. I remember back before fifth grade, when I discovered sexuality, I was still entranced with the wonder of the innocent world. Then I got corrupted. But I think, if I had persevered in my innocent ways, I would have gained more power, more wisdom, more peace, and greater experience than if I had had all the sex and pleasure in a whole lifetime. If only I had recommitted myself.

Peace of Christ to you!