How to confess.

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This is going to sound rather dumb, I’m sure. I’m well-versed in my sacraments. I know all the explanations and the justifications, the “why”.

Somehow in my conversion, though, I missed learning the actual method of confession. The form/rubric, as it were. Confession is offered at the Cathedral on Saturday afternoons. What should I expect when I go? Is it better to go then, or to make an appointment to confess with my pastor at the parish? What do I say, or do? What’s involved insofar as ritual or responsories?

Moreover, how do I confess my particular sin? The sin I have to go confess is of an embarassing, personal nature. I’m comfortable behind my e-anonymity, but less comfortable with it in person. I’m in a long-distance relationship and, more rarely now than before I started the road to conversion, my girlfriend and I occasionally engage in telephone sex. Do I say exactly that? That I masturbated. Can I say “I sinned against myself”, or something equally vague? More moreover, is there some sort of a good list I can use to double-check myself mentally before I go? Sort of like an expanded list of commandments with all of the grave matter each implies listed? For example, I realize that “Thou Shall Not Commit Adultury” covers a wide range of acts. Has anyone ever constructed something like that?

I guess I’m just afraid to confess. I know the priest has heard it all before, but having to say it is an intimidating thing!
 
Yes, there are various lists, they are called “examination of conscience” and go through the 10 Commandments… here is one 🙂 saintaquinas.com/mortal_sin.html

as for how to confess your sins, just keep it to the point: what you did and how many times (if you don’t know how many times, just say “a few” or “many” etc). Regarding the sins you mentioned, just confess them the same way you did here, using their actual names. Don’t worry the priest has heard it ALL before. I’ve never had a priest act judgemental in confession, they are there to give you absolution 🙂 with masturbation, I’ve heard of people confessing it as being impure with themselves, but perhaps it’s more humbling to simply say the word. You won’t surprise the priest. Typically women try to use other words in describing sexual sins because they might feel uncomfortable saying all that to a priest who is male, but - it’s not really the same issue if you’re a guy. With sin, it’s best to just face the embarassment of it all, and it makes you more contrite and more diligent in fighting the sin in the future. You must also have the resolution to not sin again.

God bless
 
HerrZJA said:
This is going to sound rather dumb, I’m sure. I’m well-versed in my sacraments. I know all the explanations and the justifications, the “why”.

Somehow in my conversion, though, I missed learning the actual method of confession. The form/rubric, as it were. Confession is offered at the Cathedral on Saturday afternoons. What should I expect when I go? Is it better to go then, or to make an appointment to confess with my pastor at the parish? What do I say, or do? What’s involved insofar as ritual or responsories?

Moreover, how do I confess my particular sin? The sin I have to go confess is of an embarassing, personal nature. I’m comfortable behind my e-anonymity, but less comfortable with it in person. I’m in a long-distance relationship and, more rarely now than before I started the road to conversion, my girlfriend and I occasionally engage in telephone sex. Do I say exactly that? That I masturbated. Can I say “I sinned against myself”, or something equally vague? More moreover, is there some sort of a good list I can use to double-check myself mentally before I go? Sort of like an expanded list of commandments with all of the grave matter each implies listed? For example, I realize that “Thou Shall Not Commit Adultury” covers a wide range of acts. Has anyone ever constructed something like that?

I guess I’m just afraid to confess. I know the priest has heard it all before, but having to say it is an intimidating thing!
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Okay How to confess. You will go into the room the priest usually will be behind a screen. Kneel down make the sign of the cross and start with 'Bless me father for I have sinned it has been X (amount of time) since my last confession…" Then say what you have to say. The Priest will listen to you and possibly ask you some questions or give you advice. At the end be prepared to pray the Act of Contrition (bring in a cheet sheet if you want) and do some form of penance. My priest is fond of the Rosary. That is it.There is nothing to it and you will feel totally rejuvenated.

You can go to the Cathederal for confession or your parish priest. No worries. I try not to scheudale a confession unless it is really important or have a lot to confess because the priests are busy and while they are more than happy to do it, I don’t want to take up their time unless I really have to.

The best way of confessing I have found is just to start with the one thing causing the most anxiety and embarrassment. If for example you are confessing having intercourse with your girlfriend then just say it. You can use the term pleasure yourself for masturbation if you want to make it less blunt. However, I wouldn’t get so vague to the point that the priest doesn’t know what you are talking about. You are there to confess your sins and seek absolution so he needs to know what you are seeking remission from. But make it like a band aid and just rip it off. You will find if you get the “worst” out of the way you won’t be worried about it throughout your confession. The anxiety won’t build. This also helps with your “mental list.” From my experience I have found that if I wait with the ones causing the most anxiety I am so focused on those that my mental list gets forgotten.

Regarding your mental list, take some time to comprise your sins that you want forgiven before you go to confession. I find it helps to pray in front of the Eucharist a little before confession to help you focus and bring anything you want forgiven to mind. Then when you go rehearse briefly in your head what you want to say. I always ask for forgiveness of any sins I may have inadvertantly forgotten to confess at the end.

You are right in that confession can be intimidating. It is a place where you are owning up to the worst of yourself and openly admitting that you failed God. It is tough. However, the more you do it the better you feel — the more you will actual see and feel God’s love. Keep in mind that you are right the Priest has heard it all before and also that he cannot reveal anything which you say to him. Once you get over the intial embarassment you will be fine. Just remember your not the only one doing this and if others can do it so can you.

Hope this helps.
 
When it’s your turn, go into the confessional. You’ll usually have the choice to either kneel behind a screen or sit in front of the priest.

The priest will probably welcome you and may say a short prayer asking the Holy SPirit to help you make a good confession.

Then you say: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been four months (or three weeks, or five years, or whatever) since my last confession. My sins are: I masturbated three times when talking about sex on the phone with my girlfriend. I lied to my parents twice so I could sneak out and visit her. I’ve been disrespectful to my parents and talked back to them. I looked at porn a lot. I cheated on a math test. I argued with a coworker and then gossiped about her behind her back. … etc, etc.”

When you’re finished listing your sins, you can say, “I am sorry for these and for all of my sins.” This lets the priest know that you are finished and shows remorse for your venial sins, which you do not need to list.

Then the priest will usually give you some advice or ask you some questions. He’ll ask you to say the Act of Contrition. Then he’ll absolve you of your sins. It is the most freeing feeling in the world, especially if you’re nervous about the confession going in.

God bless!
 
I agree with everything said here. I just had my first confession and I was so anxious, but it ended up being less nerve-racking than I expected.

Just make sure you write out your sins on a list (in code or pig latin if you have to!). That way you won’t forget out of nervousness.

Since this is your first confession, just state this is my first confession after you say “Bless me Father…”.

You’ll leave the confessional feeling like a big burden has been taking off your shoulders.
 
All Mortal sins need to be confessed in number and in kind (and circumstances that change the sin…like it was your brother you murdered).

The kind can not be “general” it needs to be down to the “species” as they say.

Not the way to confess mortal sins:

I did impure things 2x

I committed a sin against the sixth commandment 3x

I committed a sin lying 2x

I did harm to someone 1x

I did something unchaste 1x

A way of confessing mortal sins:

I committed Fornication 2x

I looked lustfully at a woman 2x

I lied in court 2x

I murdered 1x and it was my brother

I committed the sin of masturbation 1x (or “self abuse” that phrase is understood…)
So for mortal sins one does need to get to what it was one did…though there can be various ways one can do so. It needs though to get to what was actually done. Adultery, murder etc

Venial sins need not be confessed (but it is strongly recommended to confess some of them)…and they can be confessed in all sorts of ways.

This can be of some help:

Jimmy Akin of Catholic Answers: jimmyakin.typepad.com/defensor_fidei/2007/03/specific_confes.html
 
How long has it been since you converted? I became Catholic 10 years ago and I have never been to confession. Now my daughter is getting ready for her first reconciliation and the parents are required to go before them. I am so scared because I don’t know what to do wither. I’m embarrassed that I have never been and have no idea even what to say. I’m afraid that the priest is going to look at me differently afterwards. We live in a small town with only 300 families in our Parrish. I’m glad to not be alone this was what I came looking for.
 
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