How to Confess

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A friend and I disagree on how a person ought to confess. For example if somebody comitted a moral sin when lying, should they simply say in Confession “I lied (x) number of times.” or should they say “I lied to my boss about being sick and I really went to a baseball game.”?

Also does anyone know of a list of all things considered grave matter by the Church? Thanks!!
 
smad0142 said:
A friend and I disagree on how a person ought to confess. For example if somebody comitted a moral sin when lying, should they simply say in Confession “I lied (x) number of times.” or should they say “I lied to my boss about being sick and I really went to a baseball game.”?

Also does anyone know of a list of all things considered grave matter by the Church? Thanks!!
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Lying about being sick from work can make the matter more grave depending on your work. For example, I get paid sick days. When I call in sick I get a full day’s worth of pay. If I wasn’t sick, I defrauded my my employer who supplies these benefits.
 
Okay, here is an exmaple more intuned with what we were thinking. What if a person simply told a lie, but because of the matter it was grave, but it did not hurt anyone else? Nobody was defrauded or anything like that. Say for example lying about getting an accounting degree from Harvard instead of the local community college. In that case both people are technically trained as accountants, yet one school is more presitigious? Would simply confessing lying one time cover such a sin?
 
If you feel you have not adequately confessed to the priest then you probably have not adequately confessed to the priest.
 
sure it is a sin, doesn’t matter if or not it leads to hurting or defrauding someone.
it is better to confess truthfully than to confess while you are hiding the real truth
during confession…so simply confessing doesn’t cover it if you are confessing
to the person you wronged, however with the priest I don’t think going into the juicy details is necessarily as long as deep down in your heart you know and understand what you did wrong.
 
smad0142 said:
Okay, here is an exmaple more intuned with what we were thinking. What if a person simply told a lie, but because of the matter it was grave, but it did not hurt anyone else? Nobody was defrauded or anything like that. Say for example lying about getting an accounting degree from Harvard instead of the local community college. In that case both people are technically trained as accountants, yet one school is more presitigious? Would simply confessing lying one time cover such a sin?
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Lying is often in the area of venial sin. So if one simply said one lied…he would assume you mean a venial sin. One needs to specify more if it was grave.
 
smad0142 said:
Okay, here is an exmaple more intuned with what we were thinking. What if a person simply told a lie, but because of the matter it was grave, but it did not hurt anyone else? Nobody was defrauded or anything like that. Say for example lying about getting an accounting degree from Harvard instead of the local community college. In that case both people are technically trained as accountants, yet one school is more presitigious? Would simply confessing lying one time cover such a sin?
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Lying about credentials is a form of fraud in my country. People can and do get charged criminally for this. I’ve seen high school students charged criminally for cheating on final exams by having another person writing it for them.

A Harvard Accounting Degree is going to get you more pay than what you would get from attending a community college. Most community colleges don’t actually award degrees. Those that do are applied degree, which are not the same as a university degree. You’re still defrauding your employer.
 
smad0142 said:
A friend and I disagree on how a person ought to confess. For example if somebody comitted a moral sin when lying, should they simply say in Confession “I lied (x) number of times.” or should they say “I lied to my boss about being sick and I really went to a baseball game.”?

Also does anyone know of a list of all things considered grave matter by the Church? Thanks!!
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Here is a start:

saintaquinas.com/mortal_sin.html
 
Saying “I committed a particular sin x number of times” is called a grocery list confession. While some of us may have been taught this way of confession as children, it does not get to the heart of the matter.
When we confess, we are called to understand and accept responsibility of our actions. Giving a detailed account of the circumstances surrounding our sin helps the priest give better spiritual advice Lying about something that happened at work, as an example, might effect the report that the foreman submitted. Example: Employee reports he/she inflates the amount of product made. The foreman accepts the number, but when it comes time to send the product to the customer, shipping discovers the shortage. One possible consequence is the loss of trust between employee and foreman creating a relationship issue. Or shipping doesn’t catch the shortage; the product is shipped short and a conflict is created between company and customer.
Repentance results from true contrition and helps with our conversion process. Only true repentance helps us to “firmly resolve with the help of [God’s] grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasion of sin.” Are we truly repentant if we repeatedly commit the same sin?
 
We are obliged to confess all mortal sins in number and kind (adultery 2x, murder 4x, missing Mass all Sundays and Holy Days except Christmas for the last 5 years, perjury in court 2x etc) and if something changed the mortal sin…like it was your brother you murdered. Of course after a good examination we may not remember everything…that is ok…we do what we can…God forgives the forgotten ones too (we need of course to be sorry for all our mortal sins…and amended)…then if we later remember one we forgot…we are to confess it in the next confession after we remember it. (this is different from if we intentionally hide a mortal sin…that is a sacrilege and one is not forgiven but has another sin)

Also we may not know the numbers …we do what we can…and if we do not know…we make an approximation…3-5x, 5-10 a month for the last 20 years, somewhere around 50 times, around 10x, or even if needed “many times”, “many many times” etc

Venial sins need not be confessed --nor a number be given etc if they are. But it is very recommended to confess them (at least some of them…)
 
Bookcat said:
I do not recommend that link personally. For some things are unclear and can be misunderstood. Best to refer back to the Catechism itself and other good. sources too.
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The Catechism is a better idea, thank you.
 
I have found that recognizing how one sin leads to another to be an effective way of confessing sins. Sin A led to sin B which led to sin C.
It is also good to mention the circumstances in which the sin occurred without allowing the circumstance itself to become an excuse for committing the sin. It is one way to bring in the sins of omission. “I found myself in this situation. This is what I did…The more loving response would have been to …”
 
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