How to cope with loneliness?

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mathematoons

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Anyone else here have no friends because of your faith? Where I live, the Catholics are all old, hyper-liberal, and lukewarm. Whereas I’m 33 and have a strong faith, which makes me an outcast. Non-Catholics hate me just as much, so I have to live in the closet.

Anyone else forced to live like this? How do you cope?
 
That’s horrible.
Sadly, I do not have any advice to offer, but I want you to know that I will pray for you in the coming days.
:signofcross::blessyou:
 
Yes, I have lived like that for many, many years.

The great teacher, Guido 1 monk says, “to live among evil people and not sin is a to be perfect”. He also says, “he that loves everyone is a saint”.

So, we are surrounded by evil people, ignorant people, confused people, heretics, and people who dislike us, hate us, ridicule us, ignore us and do not want to befriend us,

We can’t even find other Catholics. What do we do?

This is a serious matter that has caused me a lot of suffering, many problems, some bad decisions – and a world of hurt. I sense you are in the same situation.
Here are some things:
  1. Use your solitude to find a friend in God. Silence, listening, praying a lot - He will be there. He knows what we are going through. It is Jesus’ Church! He wants it to grow, be good, full of life – and He sees how so many fall away. So, we take our cross with Him, and amazingly, eventually - He will become our best friend.
  2. He will lead us to others. We need friendship, companionship.
  3. We need to find the joy in life – and in sharing our faith! So, put your focus on the positive. Develop your sense of humor, learn how to tell stories, become interesting to other people, work on your personality. We have to do extra to try to become more attractive because they won’t like us from the start - but we can overcome that.
  4. The internet. Reach out, build online frienships – but take them farther.
  5. Move from web, forums and email - to the telephone. You have to build a network of Catholic friends who you can call and talk to. Do that regularly.
  6. The old people, the lax ones, the totally uninterested – basically, the parish. I know it’s not much fun, but sometimes in that mix you can find something that helps (this one is at the bottom of the list because you have to watch your time investments).
— on that last parenthetical – I have wasted much time in trying to make friends and the worst behavior that came from it was I would compromise or avoid my Faith for fear of losing people. We have to be polite, yes. We have to make secular friends, yes. But we can make our faith something that is just part of our personality – not an offensive thing, but we just demand that people accept us for who we are.

That’s a start. 😉
I think I have tried everything to overcome this problem, and eventually, the truth helps. For me, the truth is we are living in a society that has walked away from God, or never even knew Him. But it’s our gift and mission to bring Him back.

Added note - you are coming from an atheist background. That is an added gift! You can start with so many secular people who are atheists today (knowing or not) and instead of bringing the fulness of Catholic Truth, start with just the wonder and amazement of God. People will pick up on that.
 
When I was lonely after my divorce I attended Daily Mass frequently. I was fortunate enough to be able to do so. There I made several friends that were loyal to the magisterium like I was. I prayed the rosary with them before Mass and those in the rosary group I got to know well.

I don’t know if that is a possibility for you but it worked for me. I’m sure others will have some excellent ideas.

Hope you can find a way to relieve your loneliness.

God bless,

Mary.
 
reggieM said:
Yes, I have lived like that for many, many years.

The great teacher, Guido 1 monk says, “to live among evil people and not sin is a to be perfect”. He also says, “he that loves everyone is a saint”.

So, we are surrounded by evil people, ignorant people, confused people, heretics, and people who dislike us, hate us, ridicule us, ignore us and do not want to befriend us,

We can’t even find other Catholics. What do we do?

This is a serious matter that has caused me a lot of suffering, many problems, some bad decisions – and a world of hurt. I sense you are in the same situation.
Here are some things:
  1. Use your solitude to find a friend in God. Silence, listening, praying a lot - He will be there. He knows what we are going through. It is Jesus’ Church! He wants it to grow, be good, full of life – and He sees how so many fall away. So, we take our cross with Him, and amazingly, eventually - He will become our best friend.
  2. He will lead us to others. We need friendship, companionship.
  3. We need to find the joy in life – and in sharing our faith! So, put your focus on the positive. Develop your sense of humor, learn how to tell stories, become interesting to other people, work on your personality. We have to do extra to try to become more attractive because they won’t like us from the start - but we can overcome that.
  4. The internet. Reach out, build online frienships – but take them farther.
  5. Move from web, forums and email - to the telephone. You have to build a network of Catholic friends who you can call and talk to. Do that regularly.
  6. The old people, the lax ones, the totally uninterested – basically, the parish. I know it’s not much fun, but sometimes in that mix you can find something that helps (this one is at the bottom of the list because you have to watch your time investments).
— on that last parenthetical – I have wasted much time in trying to make friends and the worst behavior that came from it was I would compromise or avoid my Faith for fear of losing people. We have to be polite, yes. We have to make secular friends, yes. But we can make our faith something that is just part of our personality – not an offensive thing, but we just demand that people accept us for who we are.

That’s a start. 😉
I think I have tried everything to overcome this problem, and eventually, the truth helps. For me, the truth is we are living in a society that has walked away from God, or never even knew Him. But it’s our gift and mission to bring Him back.

Added note - you are coming from an atheist background. That is an added gift! You can start with so many secular people who are atheists today (knowing or not) and instead of bringing the fulness of Catholic Truth, start with just the wonder and amazement of God. People will pick up on that.
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Excellent, wise, practical and spiritual information. 👍

Some of my closest friends are the ones I have met here on CAF. Seriously. I talk to some daily, others monthly or as needed. 🙂 Friendship happens!
 
Join online groups…Facebook Catholic groups is very good for this - search for them on facebook by typing traditional catholic in the search bar

I joined a few traditional Catholic facebook groups on Facebook and through interacting in the group, I was able to find and be friends with trad Catholics local to me
 
A thought for men - like myself.

In my view, it’s much harder for men to make friends especially after a certain age. In our society men want to show themselves independent, going it alone, tough.
Most importantly, men do not have the “connectors” that seem to be built into women - emotions, talkativeness, no-agenda, lightness … “built in” because God made mothers that way since they bring children into the world and with that comes people-skills of talking, connecting, entertaining, making things homey, sensitivity to feelings - lots of things like that.

Most men – I’ll say all of them I know – just don’t have that.
Plus, men need different kinds of friends and look for different qualities among men friends. Overcoming competition is a big one. Catholic friends for men is a very big issue and need in the Church today. It’s only slowly being met.

Years ago there were men’s clubs and men’s groups in parishes that were robust and attracting young men in 20s and 30s. Holy Name societies, KofC. Those are still around, but not as robust, in my view.

There are men’s ministries - but hard to find.

Final thought - (for now;)) – when God created Adam He could see that a partner was needed. Adam was alone. So, of course, loneliness for men (and women) has that solution from God. But finding the right spouse can be a major issue as well.

That’s why I’d start with getting some male friendships to share the faith, build confidence and a support network. You will need that anyway as you move towards marriage. There are many married men who actually are lonely because they don’t have male friends at that kind of spiritual level. We have to overcome that sense of DIY lone-ranger thinking. We need leadership from men, who know how to communicate leadership and masculine virtues to men in the parish.
 
I have a similar problem. I live in a country where most people have very anti-Christian values; for example they support abortion, euthanasia, “gender diversity” and “gay marriage”. Making friends with people who support those things is out of question because they’re not tolerant towards Catholicism.
Also, here Catholicism is a religion of a very small minority so finding Catholic friends is not very easy.
As a result, I’m lonely. Very lonely. I’m in my early 20’s but I have only a few friends who I meet barely ever. This is very painful 😦
 
For the sake of His sorrowful Passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world.
 
Library reference rooms and library stacks and book stores.

Off-hours Catholic churches when there is no one there except me and Jesus.
 
Service to others. Ministry. They don’t have to be men’s ministries.
Anyone can volunteer at the food bank, volunteer with the money counters at church, join the choir, teach Sunday school (after a few classes where you will meet lots of people who are in fire for their faith) be a Friend for the Journey to an RCIA candidate, read books for the blind at the library, take communion to the homebound or in the hospital, you get the picture.
Busy people are not so lonely, and they get the bonus of seeing the gratitude in the other person’s eyes. Once you become an extraordinary volunteer, I’ll wager people int he parish are much more welcoming. Young people today are very outgoing, not so much the older folks.
 
Loneliness is a part of life, but it can be counted toward your penance.

ICXC NIKA
 
I remember when I was lonely I used to pray this prayer by St. Faustina.

Jesus, Friend of a lonely heart,
You are my haven, You are my peace.
You are my salvation,
You are my serenity in moments of struggle
and amidst an ocean of doubts.
You are the bright ray that lights up the path of my life.
You are everything to a lonely soul.
You understand the soul even though it remains silent.
You know our weaknesses
and You comfort and heal, sparing us sufferings.
Amen.
 
You must continue to reach out and meet with people that you know have love for Jesus Christ, and pray to the Holy Virgin, Mother of God, to help you in this aspect of your life.

I will also pray for your. amen
 
Thanks for all the replies… I’m looking into teaching CCD or Sunday School or something and going to daily Mass; these are good ideas. Maybe I’ll also get more involved on CAF.

Some things, though, I spent years trying and failing. Finding others who love Jesus? The only Catholic one I’ve met is my spiritual director; the Protestants only want to meet with me so they can try to convert me. Non-Catholic friends? Either they hate me (apparently some people didn’t read my post), or I have to compromise my faith so they don’t hate me (not an option). Evangelization? People here aren’t ignorant of the Gospel, they know exactly what we teach, and judge it as immoral. Prayer? I’m doing that like crazy! While I love getting closer to God, it doesn’t satisfy my need for human connection, just as it doesn’t satisfy my need to eat and drink.

I think my only hope is to move. Too bad it’ll take me a few years to get into a position where I can move. I was hoping for some ways to cope from now until then. Or are you all trying to say that my problem is otherwise unsolvable?
 
I am a bit confused now. :confused:

People gave suggestions, you seem to like them, you tell us your plans and then think we said your problem is unsolvable. I don’t think anyone said that.

As for your non-Catholic friends that hate you, they aren’t friends…
 
I’m going to try teaching and going to daily Mass. I don’t expect any friends out of it, just something to help with the loneliness a little… assuming I can do these things–after all, there’s no guarantee.

I should really wait until I have more time to post replies so I can make them clearer…
 
mathematoons said:
I’m going to try teaching and going to daily Mass. I don’t expect any friends out of it, just something to help with the loneliness a little… assuming I can do these things–after all, there’s no guarantee.

I should really wait until I have more time to post replies so I can make them clearer…
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It’s important to expect that God will answer your prayers and fulfill that need.

A good exercise I’ve used to help very much is to record in a journal every little thing I see each day where it seems God is present. Some people call them “God winks”.
You are asking Him for something. He will give you that gift - staying confident is an act of faith. Eventually, you might see some things that you have to change a little here or there. So, that’s why you have to be patient.
Also, the suffering you endure with loneliness is so valuable that you would miss it if you were filled with activity and friends.
You have to assert to yourself - that God has an abundance of people (and everything) that He could send your way. If he doesn’t do it, we can ask Him to show us why,
Don’t be afraid to be open with Him. “Dear Lord - I am really lonely! Please help me with this. Help me to find what You have for me.”
Sometimes, we have to get rid of attachments to other people or other ways of thinking before we can meet the right people.

If you’re in a very isolated place, with only one liberal parish around - yes, that’s a bigger challenge (normally you could find another parish).
Where I live, there are parishes that are more faithful and priests who build faith communities - so people tend to migrate there.

There are places in the U.S. that are just “spiritual deserts”.
Like being in a desert, you have to try to squeeze a little water out of a cactus.
But unlike a desert, you can actually change the dry land into an oasis (of sorts on a small scale).

Some protestants around you may be more Catholic than the people in your parish. Ok, it’s not the best solution, but you have to build on what you have.

I liked the idea of going to a good library (university perhaps) where you can seek to read and learn. But too many solitary activities are not good either.

God will surprise you. Open up the pain in your heart and offer it - with Him on the Cross. That is incredibly powerful. He knows that pain very well.,

What I have actually done is take out an ad in the newspaper or on-line board and look for anyone who wants to share traditional Catholic Faith. I met a lot of people that way. Yes, they usually are at a distance - but it will help you a lot and keep the Faith alive to make those friends.

Eventually, you will find what you need. “Dear Lord, I know you will give me the companionship I need. I trust in You. I will wait and look for your signs that will lead me.”

Something like that is very good.
 
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