How to cope with loneliness?

[mathematoons]

I think we’ve gone off topic. What I want to know is, until I can find some companionship, what can I do to keep myself sane in the meantime?

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Yes, outside the Church. I am surrounded by a bunch of Heathens who think I have some type of mental illness and am a religious fanatic. They kind of shun me now. Although some of them are slowly coming around to hmm what’s she really on about. Although with the Pell issue they will probably now redouble their efforts to convince me how wrong I am in belief in God.

One of the saddest things in my supposed friendships recently involved someone I have known for 30 years. He has had health issues and texted to say he feels his time is short. I am not sure his real stance on accepting God. He does know I am praying for his recovery, and welcomes my prayers. I replied, marry that girl you have been with for a few years, enjoy life, work on family time, he has kids and grandkids, etc. He replies, no marriage on the horizon, I am going to just concentrate on fun if you know what I mean. Wink wink
Even forsaking his gf from the tone of that.
I am stumped on how to reply. If I should, if I should express how much that saddens me that he sees his final times as spreading himself far and wide.

I am discerning joining a lay group order so I can be part of a community that praises God outside Mass.

I met great people through daily mass. The regs eventually said hi and we do coffee etc.

 

[fin]

Awesome post!

I copied your prayers and I think I’ll use them in my life.

It’s important to expect that God will answer your prayers and fulfill that need.

A good exercise I’ve used to help very much is to record in a journal every little thing I see each day where it seems God is present. Some people call them “God winks”.
You are asking Him for something. He will give you that gift - staying confident is an act of faith. Eventually, you might see some things that you have to change a little here or there. So, that’s why you have to be patient.
Also, the suffering you endure with loneliness is so valuable that you would miss it if you were filled with activity and friends.
You have to assert to yourself - that God has an abundance of people (and everything) that He could send your way. If he doesn’t do it, we can ask Him to show us why,
Don’t be afraid to be open with Him. “Dear Lord - I am really lonely! Please help me with this. Help me to find what You have for me.”
Sometimes, we have to get rid of attachments to other people or other ways of thinking before we can meet the right people.

If you’re in a very isolated place, with only one liberal parish around - yes, that’s a bigger challenge (normally you could find another parish).
Where I live, there are parishes that are more faithful and priests who build faith communities - so people tend to migrate there.

There are places in the U.S. that are just “spiritual deserts”.
Like being in a desert, you have to try to squeeze a little water out of a cactus.
But unlike a desert, you can actually change the dry land into an oasis (of sorts on a small scale).

Some protestants around you may be more Catholic than the people in your parish. Ok, it’s not the best solution, but you have to build on what you have.

I liked the idea of going to a good library (university perhaps) where you can seek to read and learn. But too many solitary activities are not good either.

God will surprise you. Open up the pain in your heart and offer it - with Him on the Cross. That is incredibly powerful. He knows that pain very well.,

What I have actually done is take out an ad in the newspaper or on-line board and look for anyone who wants to share traditional Catholic Faith. I met a lot of people that way. Yes, they usually are at a distance - but it will help you a lot and keep the Faith alive to make those friends.

Eventually, you will find what you need. “Dear Lord, I know you will give me the companionship I need. I trust in You. I will wait and look for your signs that will lead me.”

Something like that is very good.

 

[fin]

Mathematoons,

I also experience loneliness in the sense of not having faithful Catholic friends in person right now.

What can you do to keep yourself sane?

In my case, here’s what I do.

Trying my best to live a good spiritual life with daily Mass, Rosary, frequent prayers throughout the day, Confession, interacting with other faithful Catholics online like here on CAF. Praying for myself and others.

Learning new things that interest me, or continue practicing the skills that I already have. Like watercoloring, learning mindfulness, learning mental math or languages, juggling, etc.

Watching interesting movies and shows, like on Netflix, etc.

Reading books, articles.

Attending workshops, classes, and seminars that interest me. You can meet new people this way.

Helping out family members at home when I can. Playing and spending time with my nephew. It’s fun to play with young children. Tiring, but at the same time, I feel so alive and invigorated.

I also do online dating. So I got to chat with some people I met online. I feel it’s better to do something than nothing.

Trying out new restaurants.

Travelling when I can. I’m very grateful for the opportunities I’ve had so far in visiting old and new places.

I think we’ve gone off topic. What I want to know is, until I can find some companionship, what can I do to keep myself sane in the meantime?

 

[Peter_J]

Non-Catholics hate me just as much, so I have to live in the closet.

Very sad. In that case I would ask you, is there another town within a few miles of you? If there is, then I would be willing to bet that the people there don’t also hate Catholics just for being Catholics.

 

[drac16]

I pray. Jesus is the only friend I need.

 

[TK421]

Anyone else here have no friends because of your faith? Where I live, the Catholics are all old, hyper-liberal, and lukewarm. Whereas I’m 33 and have a strong faith, which makes me an outcast. Non-Catholics hate me just as much, so I have to live in the closet.

Anyone else forced to live like this? How do you cope?

1. Rich prayer life. This is critical. However, for community, God is not enough. That sounds blasphemous but it isn’t. We are designed for fellowship with God and we are also designed for fellowship with other people. It is not good to be alone.
2. Don’t’ treat yourself as though you were an angel. Treat yourself like a human. What this means is: lack of community will weaken you and it will wound you. You’re not impervious to your feelings. Moreover, this isn’t something that is going to go away. It will get worse. So, make it a high priority to find some community. If that means moving, then move. Don’t tell yourself, “it hurts to be lonely” and then not do anything about it. If you had a serious disease, you would take serious actions to remedy it.

For the past two years, I have lived on an Indian reservation of a few thousand people, isolated from other places, while teaching. I’m a single young adult white male. I am currently in the process of moving to a much larger place. I’m doing it for several reasons, but the number one reason is because emotionally, I’ve come to accept the fact that I am starving myself and I need to do something about it or I risk breaking.

1. Expand who you connect with. It’s nice to connect with peers - people roughly in our age group - but older people can provide camaraderie too.
2. Women. You don’t have to just connect with men. Yes, there is a certain unique merriness and joviality to a band of brothers, but women provide fellowship too, especially as mothers (so to speak). It’s good to have multiple mothers. God has always provided an earthly mother for me no matter where I live: a kind woman who to some small extent adopts me.
3. Take consolation that your current pain is - if you allow it - very useful for you. It will cultivate discipline and gratitude.

 

[Peter_J]

Just thinking … it might be interesting if there were a poll on this forum “Are you an outcast because you have a strong faith?”

 

[KiwiBliss]

Anyone else here have no friends because of your faith? Where I live, the Catholics are all old, hyper-liberal, and lukewarm. Whereas I’m 33 and have a strong faith, which makes me an outcast. Non-Catholics hate me just as much, so I have to live in the closet.

Anyone else forced to live like this? How do you cope?

In some ways, I can relate. When I started discerning religious life last year, most of my friends ditched me, & I got depressed easily, however Jesus stayed. Despite that I mainly now just have 2 close friends and some spiritual mentors, Jesus has been the only one always presently present and comforting within my moments of consolations and desolations- basically in everything I experience, He never leaves me and still loves me when my family and previous friends didn’t and still don’t. They weren’t the best influences on me anyways, so it makes sense why their opinions of me no longer matter nor have any worth. Yes, it hurts that people lost interest in who I’ve become as a person and would rather take pride in themselves than their own faith journeys plus being there for me, but that’s their choice and most significantly that’s their loss. Perhaps you are looking in the wrong places for consolation, otherwise you would have experienced it. God loves and cares for us more than realized. He knows and loves us more than we truly know and love ourselves. Pray & forgive those who have isolated themselves toward you and recognize that something within their souls is happening for them to do such a thing. There is a reason for everything and only God knows the answers to your questions, but it’s vital to trust & cling to God for everything.

Ways I cope with depression involves how the Lord speaks to me. Find what works for you & go from there.
~praying out loud but privately in my room to Jesus
~pray for others who are also experiencing similar scenarios- it reminds me that I’m not alone
~listen to inspirational music (KLOVE, Catholic instrumental music- Jon Sarta’s Catholic Music Project songs)
~journal my thoughts & experiences
~watch a good film with similar experience, such as “Bully” film (2011) that although is a documentary about grade school or high school students being bullied and what they experience along the way, it is a reflection of what others go thru as being ridiculed for being different. With Christ, I survived those bullying years that I too experienced in grade school & high school, but that film helps remind me that others know what it’s like to feel isolated from others and not accepted. Try contemplating how Jesus might have felt during His lifetime of persecutions, ridicule of being made fun of and mocked, judged, and eventually crucified by others. It’s been said that suffering of experiencing persecutions is a gift from God- although I still cannot fathom in lightly understanding this, it is in a sense an opportunity for God to share with us a small way that He experienced His sufferings selflessly for us to grow within His guidance and teachings to experience Him presently there for us as we hopefully are presently there for him.
~pray the Rosary & contemplate the Mysteries
~do an activity and find meaning (metaphorically) within it to find examples of what you’re experiencing into what activity you’re doing.

Above all, do whatever works for you in however Jesus speaks and touches you. Will pray for you.