How to correct others?

[Redeemed92]

Before I begin, I beg patience with my rambling, but this has really messed me up over the past couple of days.

This is definitely one thing I struggle with. Not only am I not sure about how to warn others of grave matter in a charitable manner, but I also get caught up in my obligation to do so.

This became pretty clear to me this holiday season when I was traveling with my parents and sister to visit my grandparents and other family. We stayed through Christmas and left the Sunday after, around 1 pm. The problem came in with attending mass the morning before our departing. Now, I don’t think anyone besides myself in that household knew that we (we’re all catholic) have an obligation to attend mass on Sunday, otherwise they wouldn’t have scheduled brunch during the one of the only availible mass times on Sunday!

So I informed my mom of the grave nature of missing mass, and was able to convince her to accompany me and my granparents to mass on Sunday, while the rest of the family, to my dismay, chose to sleep in. I did not know they were planning to skip (although I had a hunch)

My question is: did I commit mortal sin by not informing others of the grave nature of missing mass? And then would I be also guilty of not correcting my grandparents/mother in that they did not correct the rest of my family? And what about receiving communion at that mass? Did I somehow commit 4 mortal sins by allowing me, my mother and grandparents to receive communion in vain?

I hope I am just being scrupulous, but any responses would be greatly apprecited. Honestly this has me tied up in knots :S

 

[Sam_777]

So I informed my mom of the grave nature of missing mass, and was able to convince her to accompany me and my granparents to mass on Sunday, while the rest of the family, to my dismay, chose to sleep in. I did not know they were planning to skip (although I had a hunch)

for taking the initiative to remind your mother and grandparents about the mass.

 

[NewsTheMan]

My question is: did I commit mortal sin by not informing others of the grave nature of missing mass? And then would I be also guilty of not correcting my grandparents/mother in that they did not correct the rest of my family? And what about receiving communion at that mass? Did I somehow commit 4 mortal sins by allowing me, my mother and grandparents to receive communion in vain?

No mortal sin here.

The only way you could be ‘in the wrong’ is if you realized at the time that you needed to tell the others about the obligation to attend Mass but you decided not to out of fear or laziness or something like that.

But it is a difficult thing to ‘correct’ your family. It always is! Just do it lovingly but you must do it. Otherwise you might end up trying to fool God at judgement day saying “Am I my brothers keeper?”.

 

[Sherry_G]

Bless you for your witness. You did well. Your attendance at Mass plus talking your parents into going was wonderful. Your remaining family members were well aware that you were attending Mass and chose not to go. That in no way caused you to commit a sin. Your dilemna is a common one with those of us having fallen-away relatives. My brother and sister know that I am firmly committed to attending Mass every day that there is one available. I have shared my faith with them, but they still choose to deny theirs. Its their free will to do so. However, I pray for them daily, and when we plan a get-together, they also look up Mass times and locations for me to be sure I can get there!

Miracles and conversions happen in God’s time, not ours. So, relax, enjoy your family and your faith, being a witness in the truest sense of the word. Live your faith and let the light of Christ shine through you.

 

[GratefulFred]

How to correct anyone for anything, most of the time: with sincere gentleness.

But first, are we obliged to always correct others?

Visiting family always involves planning each day’s activities. Simplying announcing that you plan to attend the 10 am Mass and hope others will join you is enough. I used the example of 10 am because most folks are up by then. The 7 am Mass may be a bit much for those who prefer to skip Mass.

The simple announcing of a resonable Mass time is enough. Adults know their personal obligation. “Correcting” them with reminders of the grave matter and thus going out of duty rather than love is, in most cases, a bit much.

Announcing YOUR plan is Christian leadership by example. Each of us must choose to follow Christ or not, daily. We do not sin if others choose to miss Mass.

 

[NewsTheMan]

How to correct anyone for anything, most of the time: with sincere gentleness.

Agreed.

But first, are we obliged to always correct others?

Yes, when appropriate. You would correct someone for driving over the speed limit but not for missing Mass and putting their soul in danger?

The simple announcing of a resonable Mass time is enough. Adults know their personal obligation. “Correcting” them with reminders of the grave matter and thus going out of duty rather than love is, in most cases, a bit much.

I disagree. Remind them. Christian charity demands it. “A bit much” is exactly what they are thinking - “Mass so early, I think the Church is asking a bit much aren’t they! Oh well, God understands so I won’t go”.

 

[Redeemed92]

“Mass is so early, I think the Church is asking a bit much aren’t they! Oh well, God understands so I won’t go”.

I’ve heard this argument before and it probably won’t be the last time, either. It’s just so aggravating (not to mention awkward) to have to look after your parents!

Luckily Audio Sancto had a part on fraternal correction that I listened to. It helped clarify a few things.

The only way you could be ‘in the wrong’ is if you realized at the time that you needed to tell the others about the obligation to attend Mass but you decided not to out of fear or laziness or something like that.

This is probably the most accurate to what I am actually feeling.

 

[GratefulFred]

Yes, when appropriate. You would correct someone for driving over the speed limit but not for missing Mass and putting their soul in danger?

I disagree. Remind them. Christian charity demands it. “A bit much” is exactly what they are thinking - “Mass so early, I think the Church is asking a bit much aren’t they! Oh well, God understands so I won’t go”.

I was not clear in using one verb for two actions. Announcing my intention to go to Mass at a convienent time AND also expressing hope that others will join me is, I think, a gentle way. I presume adults already know their obligation and trying to guilt them into attending can create problems. My invitation needs no further explanation to those who already know they should attend Mass. My going the next morning is also leadership by example.

“Bob, you’re over the speed limit,” does not require further explanation of the dangers involved. “I’m going to 10 am Mass tomorrow and I’d love it if you would go with me, Bob,” is enough while respecting one’s right to make his own decisions.

If I see that Bob is open to further discussion, then we should talk about the value of going to Mass and not the danger of not going. But if I see he is closed to it, then my invitation and going is enough. Bob knows. No need to embarass him with a veiled put down. Doesn’t seem Christ like to me. But he skips, he makes my prayer list.

 

[NewsTheMan]

I was not clear in using one verb for two actions. Announcing my intention to go to Mass at a convienent time AND also expressing hope that others will join me is, I think, a gentle way. I presume adults already know their obligation and trying to guilt them into attending can create problems. My invitation needs no further explanation to those who already know they should attend Mass. My going the next morning is also leadership by example.

“Bob, you’re over the speed limit,” does not require further explanation of the dangers involved. “I’m going to 10 am Mass tomorrow and I’d love it if you would go with me, Bob,” is enough while respecting one’s right to make his own decisions.

If I see that Bob is open to further discussion, then we should talk about the value of going to Mass and not the danger of not going. But if I see he is closed to it, then my invitation and going is enough. Bob knows. No need to embarass him with a veiled put down. Doesn’t seem Christ like to me. But he skips, he makes my prayer list.

Alright then, since you seem to not want to understand the purpose of the analogy. Perhaps this will make more sense.

You are in a burning house. The house will collapse at any minute. Your best friend however is just sitting on the couch acting like nothing is happening. Do you:

a) ‘gently lead by example’ and start walking out the house hoping he/she will see you and maybe come along; or
b) scream “LETS GO! YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER! COME ON!!” grab them and start getting out of there?

You chose b right? Now it’s the same thing except it’s more than just our lives on the line its our soul.

You seem to think that Christ’s call to be meek and humble involves having no backbone for the faith and trying to be too politically correct and hopping around on tip-toes hoping maybe someone might come with you.
Wrong.

Jesus said he came to divide. Jesus used a whip in the temple. Jesus called the Pharisees hypocrites. Jesus called His disciples and rebuked them often. Jesus often offended the crowds because they didn’t like what he was saying.

I know you understand that we shouldn’t go out hoping to offend or hoping to divide. But our souls are on the line. Often times people do need a bit of a shock. Often people don’t know that Mass is an obligation. If they knew, dont you think they’d go? I mean, if they REALLY knew?

 

[GratefulFred]

You seem to think that Christ’s call to be meek and humble involves having no backbone for the faith and trying to be too politically correct and hopping around on tip-toes hoping maybe someone might come with you.

Wrong.

Jesus said he came to divide. Jesus used a whip in the temple. Jesus called the Pharisees hypocrites. Jesus called His disciples and rebuked them often. Jesus often offended the crowds because they didn’t like what he was saying.

I know you understand that we shouldn’t go out hoping to offend or hoping to divide. But our souls are on the line. Often times people do need a bit of a shock. Often people don’t know that Mass is an obligation. If they knew, dont you think they’d go? I mean, if they REALLY knew?

I do not advocate silence. One should speak up and invite other family members to attend Mass whenever we are together. Because they are family, I presume, based on our equal upbringing, that they already know their obligation and the danger to their souls.One may be motivated by love - I’m trying to help save your soul here - but the words we use have to convey love.

That fact that they are willing to skip Mass at an invitation from a family member tells me they decided some time back that going to Mass is not important to them anymore, not even to keep up appearances. I just think that the power play approach - going to Hell if you don’t go - is not the best approach. Missing THIS Mass won’t send one to Hell; missing the prior Masses, without Confession, already put them on that road.

I go to Mass because I truly believe that Jesus Christ is the Living Son of God. Christ, God, does not lie. The Last Supper, Good Friday, and Easter happened. If I did not believe this, there would be no good reason to go to Mass. If one has stopped going to Mass, one probably has stopped believing in Christ. Rebuilding that most important relationship takes time and love.

The shock value sometimes works. But if used with no positive result, it quickly looses any value and we are tuned out totally, especially if shock is our first and only tactic. I think there are other better tactics to be used before a sharp confrontation. Power plays tend to divide more than they unite.

I do not advocate ignoring the issue of Faith. Conversion or reversion back into Catholic Faith takes time and requires that positive lines of communication remain open. And consistent prayer for an increase in Faith for ourselves, family, and friends.

 

[Joe_5859]

Yes, I think you’re being a bit scrupulous.

It sounds like you handled things pretty well. I agree with Fred’s approach of sincere gentleness. If you establish yourself as a “shock and awe” kind of guy now, it will only lessen the chance that your family members will listen to you in the future. And family seldom forgets.

 

[Big_Dummy]

Next time give everyone an engraved immation to Mass when your first get there the week before. I do this for church with my “atheist” family members and they always make it a point to go with me.

I know it sound korny, but it works.