How to deal w/best friend who sees nothing wrong w/her actions

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crohnie4life

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How am I suppose to be there for my best friend every time she breaks up w/a boyfriend when she told me 1. she sees nothing wrong with living together 2. she sees nothing wrong w/sleeping together . :eek: And then she wonders why her relationships don’t last and now to top it off she was dxed w/HPV but refuses to tell all of her exes so they can be checked for the virus.

I inquired if she knew what strain the virus is as some of them can contribute to cervical cancer. Her reaction was, “I don’t know. I am certain that I WILL NOT GET CANCER. I’m not worried.”

I’ve tried to be a good Christian example by sharing what I’ve read/seen but she got very angry w/me and said that no article or even the Church would’ve changed her mind a few yrs. ago and that even today she’d still live w/a guy if the opportunity arose and hopes that he’d stay w/her after being told she has HPV b/c after all, as she puts it, “isn’t that what love is all about? being there for each other in good times and bad.” I thinks she’s going to be in for a rude awakening down the road.

She also told me to refrain from sending anything preachy the church teaches because she disagrees w/its teachings and hasn’t joined a parish since she moved.

I don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve been best friends since grade school. Since she’s moved 3x, we’ve always kept in touch, but she moved again(not getting along w/roommates) and hasn’t even given me her new contact information.

Any thoughts on how I can be a better witness to her? I do pray for her everyday and don’t want our friendship to end but seeing as her morals/values have totally changed since we were kids, I don’t know what to do. Thank you for your help. God Bless.
 
I will keep you and your friend in my prayers.

Most of the advice you will find around here will tell you to just peacefully ‘confront’ her once, then continue to pray for her conversion. I agreewith that, but I feel situations like this need constant reminder. Recommend her some reading materials. Ask her to look inside herself and the reasons she does the things she does.

Today’s culture so thoroughly supports her decisions, that it can be hard to reverse the mindset of people. Perhaps ask her if she would be willing to sit down and let you explain your beliefs to her. Don’t try and force your beliefs n her, just explain them and why you feel they are much better than the current society’s belief system (or lack thereof).

Also, many people may disagree with me on this one. But, if you know some of her EX’s and they don’t know they may be infected with HPV, I personally would tell them. They deserve to know what medical conditions they may have. Of course, I would first encourage her to tell them herself…
 
crohnie4life said:
I’ve tried to be a good Christian example by sharing what I’ve read/seen but she got very angry w/me and said that no article or even the Church would’ve changed her mind a few yrs. ago and that even today she’d still live w/a guy if the opportunity arose and hopes that he’d stay w/her after being told she has HPV b/c after all, as she puts it, “isn’t that what love is all about? being there for each other in good times and bad.” I thinks she’s going to be in for a rude awakening down the road.

She also told me to refrain from sending anything preachy the church teaches because she disagrees w/its teachings and hasn’t joined a parish since she moved.

I don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve been best friends since grade school. Since she’s moved 3x, we’ve always kept in touch, but she moved again(not getting along w/roommates) and hasn’t even given me her new contact information.

Any thoughts on how I can be a better witness to her? I do pray for her everyday and don’t want our friendship to end but seeing as her morals/values have totally changed since we were kids, I don’t know what to do. Thank you for your help. God Bless.
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It sounds to me like you have fulfilled your obligation as a Catholic to spread the gospel and have gone so far as to
“admonish the sinner”. When someone tells you to stop sending anything “preachy”, then it’s probably time to let it go and give it to God. He is, after all, the one responsible for the conversions of heart.

Unless you want to lost this friendship forever, I suggest you be the best friend you can be, pray for her ceaselessly and allow God to do the rest.
 
blessedtoo said:
It sounds to me like you have fulfilled your obligation as a Catholic to spread the gospel and have gone so far as to
“admonish the sinner”. When someone tells you to stop sending anything “preachy”, then it’s probably time to let it go and give it to God. He is, after all, the one responsible for the conversions of heart.

Unless you want to lost this friendship forever, I suggest you be the best friend you can be, pray for her ceaselessly and allow God to do the rest.
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Not much else you can do, really. 🤷
 
Blessedtoo has it right.

Regarding Rusty20’s advice, I’d be very concerned about contacting her exes and telling them - I understand the arguments for telling them - but if they are sexually active they should know its a risk anyway. That would be a clear breach of trust in your friendship if you’ve already discussed it with her.

Give it to God.
 
crohnie4life said:
How am I suppose to be there for my best friend every time she breaks up w/a boyfriend when she told me 1. she sees nothing wrong with living together 2. she sees nothing wrong w/sleeping together . :eek: And then she wonders why her relationships don’t last and now to top it off she was dxed w/HPV but refuses to tell all of her exes so they can be checked for the virus.

I inquired if she knew what strain the virus is as some of them can contribute to cervical cancer. Her reaction was, “I don’t know. I am certain that I WILL NOT GET CANCER. I’m not worried.”

I’ve tried to be a good Christian example by sharing what I’ve read/seen but she got very angry w/me and said that no article or even the Church would’ve changed her mind a few yrs. ago and that even today she’d still live w/a guy if the opportunity arose and hopes that he’d stay w/her after being told she has HPV b/c after all, as she puts it, “isn’t that what love is all about? being there for each other in good times and bad.” I thinks she’s going to be in for a rude awakening down the road.

She also told me to refrain from sending anything preachy the church teaches because she disagrees w/its teachings and hasn’t joined a parish since she moved.

I don’t know what to do anymore. We’ve been best friends since grade school. Since she’s moved 3x, we’ve always kept in touch, but she moved again(not getting along w/roommates) and hasn’t even given me her new contact information.

Any thoughts on how I can be a better witness to her? I do pray for her everyday and don’t want our friendship to end but seeing as her morals/values have totally changed since we were kids, I don’t know what to do. Thank you for your help. God Bless.
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There’s a couple of things here. First, HPV, most strains are curable. And, easily treated. So, why she is lamenting that someone will ever be with her for a relationship if she has this, doesn’t make sense. Is she seeking treatment?

Second, she really should tell all those she slept with, in case they have been exposed.

As her friend, you really can only pray for her…and keep up the dialogue. No preaching. No judgement. Just love her as your friend, as you normally would without these distractions…and keep praying for her. Let her see Christ through you and your actions. Over time, she may just end up changing for the better.

I’ll keep your friend in my prayers.
 
I don’t plan on contacting her exes b/c she’s moved to several different states & I don’t even know their names.

I guess I will have to take a step back from the situation, pray, and if she decides to contact me, take it from there. She knows where I stand on certain issues—abortion, abstinence, living together, following the church’s teachings, etc. I can’t change her beliefs or actions b/c she is very stubborn. My only hope is that someday she will see the truth. (sigh)

thank you everyone for your help. God Bless.
 
If there is a next time she contacts you after a relationship breakup, instead of “preaching” to her (as she puts it) start asking questions and listening. If you ask her questions (probably more “feel” type questions since “intellectual” type questions are not where she is at). Also, if ever she has told you (or tells you in conversation) that she desires to be married, ask her how this recent former relationship helped her. Ask her what steps she needs to take to reach her goal? Ask her what qualities she prefers in a man? Ask her what qualities she brings to a romantic relationship? Ask her to be true and honest and to think if the “ideal” man, when seeing her for who she truly is (which is what happens in a marriage) will choose her or seek out another? Ask questions, make her think. One time, when I was trying to break out of my “party” phase, I came across this “love” piece in the Chicago Tribune about a woman who made out a list of 100 qualities she desired in a mate and would rule out men based on her list. The man she ultimately married had about 91 of the 100 qualities. I did that and was able to leave dates in the dust when they didn’t meet even 75 of the qualities.
 
hi marie, she absolutely wants to be married in the worst way. That’s all she’s ever talked about for the past several yrs. but after another relationship fails, she doesn’t see the big picture–saving yourself for marriage, putting God first in the union, compromising, etc.

She believes a man should be physical in a relationship, spoil her, spend $$$ on her, and if she gets the hint that he doesn’t want to marry her, she has him spend $$$$ on a nice dinner and then drops the M bomb on him. When he says he’s not going to, then she dumps him. She did this to the last guy she dated/slept with. She told me that she had him do all these expensive things for her and then asked him if he plans to marry her in the future. When he said no, let’s be friends, she gets very mad and leaves.

How mature is that? It makes me think of the song “looking for love in all the wrong places”. You don’t treat people like that.

Before I met my DH, I had a top 10 list of what I wanted in a husband, he met all 10 (no, I’m not joking) w/strong faith, morals, belief in God as #1, sense of humor, well educated, able to fend for himself (cooking/cleaning), has many interests/hobbies, etc.

I really wish she’d just take the time to Let Go, Let God. Take the time to find herself, pray, put her trust in the Lord…you know what I mean. That is what I had to do before I met my husband. I prayed day and night for the Lord to guide me and help me find someone who’d love me for me (and all of my health problems). The Lord did one better–I have awesome sisters and brothers-in-law, very supportive in-laws (rest in peace dear FIL) who were w/me after I had my stroke, and the best part of it was that on our 2nd date, DH & I started going to mass & praying together and we continue this today going on 11 yrs. 😃

I did tell her before she stopped talking to me that I will always be there for her.
 
gmarie21 said:
One time, when I was trying to break out of my “party” phase, I came across this “love” piece in the Chicago Tribune about a woman who made out a list of 100 qualities she desired in a mate and would rule out men based on her list. The man she ultimately married had about 91 of the 100 qualities. I did that and was able to leave dates in the dust when they didn’t meet even 75 of the qualities.
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Do you have a link to this list? Thanks.

Betsy
 
  1. have Christian love for everyone
  2. just like Jesus only be friends with people you want to be friends with, never for some other reason, even to ‘spare them’
  3. always be honest
if you do that and someone has their feelings hurt it wasn’t your fault. they were just too detached from reality.
 
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