How to deal with a friend who I find annoying sometimes?

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br4ndon21

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I have a roommate/friend who’s kinda been annoying me lately. I’m sure there are things I could do differently and I just would like some advice.

He comes home, clearly sees me on the computer and asks, “What you doin?”
Sees me cooking “What you doin?”
How do I respond to being asked the obvious without being mean?
Being constantly asked “what’s up?” and “what you doin?” when you can clearly see what i’m doing gets annoying.

Constantly texting me when he’s at work or at school. It’s like, we live together, go live your life, I see/talk to you enough by living w you. I don’t need constant communication w you when we’re apart.

Not only that but when he’s home it’s like it’s all about him. He goes on these long diatribes boasting about arguements he’s had w people at school and how he won the arguement or set them right about something(he seems to think he’s right a lot and acts rather pompous at times) and if it’s not boasting about stuff he’s just going on and on and doesn’t seem to respect that I need my space and my time alone. I don’t need constant conversation.

Whatever advice would be appreciated because at this point I find myself just being hateful and I don’t want to be.
 
I had roommates in college that brough home drunks that passed out on my couch in their underwear, brought home friends that got into brawls at 3 am, told me they had to help a friend move to get away from a dealer, etc. etc. You name it, I had a roommate in college that probably did it. It sure made me happy during the times that I had good roommates, and when I finally got my OWN place I didn’t take it for granted

If the roommate is annoying, but not actually dangerous or mentally unstable, count your blessings. 🙂 It sounds like your roommat is seeking your approval and friendship. Nevertheless, find ways to change the annoying behaviors carefully. Turn questions around if you are tired of being questioned all the time. Respond to the endless texts with, “Sorry, can’t talk now lets talk later.” Redirecting the roommate’s behavior to more appropriate behaviors is probably the best way to maintain a good rapport without the roommate driving you nuts forever.
 
br4ndon21 said:
Whatever advice would be appreciated because at this point I find myself just being hateful and I don’t want to be.
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Whenever I find myself in a situation like yours, I just remind myself that there are probably people with whom I interact who find me annoying. (I know…hard to believe, but it’s probably true.)
 
Time for a sit down and honest talk session. Tell him exactly what you said here. And if this makes him mad, time for a new room-mate. Don’t put this off, it will only get worse.
 
The question “What you doing?” brings to mind the time at work when one of our electricians was on a ladder changing a light bulb. When asked the same question he responded that he was modeling clothes for Sears. We still laugh about that one. You might want to take the question as an opportunity to have a little fun.

DGB
 
BettyBoop416 said:
Whenever I find myself in a situation like yours, I just remind myself that there are probably people with whom I interact who find me annoying. (I know…hard to believe, but it’s probably true.)
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Betty Boop, I refuse to believe it!!:rotfl:
 
DoGodsBidding said:
The question “What you doing?” brings to mind the time at work when one of our electricians was on a ladder changing a light bulb. When asked the same question he responded that he was modeling clothes for Sears. We still laugh about that one. You might want to take the question as an opportunity to have a little fun.

DGB
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This.
 
br4ndon21 said:
I have a roommate/friend who’s kinda been annoying me lately. I’m sure there are things I could do differently and I just would like some advice.

He comes home, clearly sees me on the computer and asks, “What you doin?”
Sees me cooking “What you doin?”
How do I respond to being asked the obvious without being mean?
Being constantly asked “what’s up?” and “what you doin?” when you can clearly see what i’m doing gets annoying.

Constantly texting me when he’s at work or at school. It’s like, we live together, go live your life, I see/talk to you enough by living w you. I don’t need constant communication w you when we’re apart.

Not only that but when he’s home it’s like it’s all about him. He goes on these long diatribes boasting about arguements he’s had w people at school and how he won the arguement or set them right about something(he seems to think he’s right a lot and acts rather pompous at times) and if it’s not boasting about stuff he’s just going on and on and doesn’t seem to respect that I need my space and my time alone. I don’t need constant conversation.

Whatever advice would be appreciated because at this point I find myself just being hateful and I don’t want to be.
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Using an electric fence for a boundary because your neighbor is a cow that cannot read “No Trespassing” signs is not hateful. It is practical. Be as kind as you can, but don’t feel bad because you are reduced to being uncomfortably blunt. Some people do not read social cues. You have to draw a picture, sometimes.

I’d take the “what are you doing?” as a “¿Qué Tal?”–in other words, answer as if he said, “What’s up?” with one of the same two or three answers every time: “not much” or “keeping busy,” depending on whether you are willing to be interrupted or not or “trying to read this, sorry, so forgive me for being antisocial” if you don’t even want to talk. It is a nondescript question that deserves a rather nondescript answer. If he gets nosier, say something like, “Do you mind? My parents give me more personal space than you do.”

Text him back not to text you unless he has a question that can’t wait until the end of the day. After that, ignore any texts that are not urgent. (I’d give him his own distinctive tone, so you know not to be in any hurry to check.)

When he’s talking and you don’t want to talk, you say, “If you don’t mind, I’d just like to ______.” If he talks anyway, you say, “Do you MIND?” You may have to be very direct, and he may not like it. Oh, well. It isn’t as if you’re afraid of getting the silent treatment. :rolleyes:
 
I see what you’re saying but every single time I do anything he asks the obvious.

:mad:
Dacinom said:
I think perhaps you might be taking your roommate’s questions too literally? It may very well be that he is saying “What are you doing?” or “What’s up?” as more of a greeting or a way of saying hello than he is really inquiring about what you are doing. As you mentioned there have been times he could clearly see you were cooking or on the computer so asking what you were doing was obvious. I know other people with this habit it is a common greeting with some people. If not, as someone else suggested perhaps try and have some fun with it. If he asks what you are doing smile and say “Taking a nap” or “Building an ark” or something silly and try and joke around.

As far as hateful feelings building I know what that feels like. My best suggestion is to pray for this person WHILE he is talking to you and getting on your nerves. I did this (and still do) with people and it helps so very much. When someone is driving me crazy and talking to me right even as their lips are moving I look right at them and ask God to help me. I say to God in prayer “Dear God this person is irritating me, please help me to see them and love them. Please help me to see their Guardian Angel standing beside them right now. Please help me to try and love them.” It always helps take the edge off a little. Hope this helps, God bless.
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Thank you, i’ll take what you said into consideration. He just is so air headed sometimes. He’s like a fire that just consumes all the oxygen in the room. It’s like, it’s not all about you buddy. I don’t want to continuously be talking to you. I’m not your therapist. I digress. I’m going to have to start being more direct but also in a loving way even though he annoys me sometimes. I realize this. Thanks again.

👍
EasterJoy said:
Using an electric fence for a boundary because your neighbor is a cow that cannot read “No Trespassing” signs is not hateful. It is practical. Be as kind as you can, but don’t feel bad because you are reduced to being uncomfortably blunt. Some people do not read social cues. You have to draw a picture, sometimes.

I’d take the “what are you doing?” as a “¿Qué Tal?”–in other words, answer as if he said, “What’s up?” with one of the same two or three answers every time: “not much” or “keeping busy,” depending on whether you are willing to be interrupted or not or “trying to read this, sorry, so forgive me for being antisocial” if you don’t even want to talk. It is a nondescript question that deserves a rather nondescript answer. If he gets nosier, say something like, “Do you mind? My parents give me more personal space than you do.”

Text him back not to text you unless he has a question that can’t wait until the end of the day. After that, ignore any texts that are not urgent. (I’d give him his own distinctive tone, so you know not to be in any hurry to check.)

When he’s talking and you don’t want to talk, you say, “If you don’t mind, I’d just like to ______.” If he talks anyway, you say, “Do you MIND?” You may have to be very direct, and he may not like it. Oh, well. It isn’t as if you’re afraid of getting the silent treatment. :rolleyes:
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When I was very small and I asked my father what he was doing, he would often say something like “I’m making a wim-wom for a goose’s bridle.” If I asked where we were going he would often say “Just there and back to see how far it is.” Come to think of it, he still says these things to me forty years later.

As for text messages, you don’t have to respond to them at all if you don’t want to. There was a time when people didn’t even have mobile 'phones. (Aaah, happy days.)
 
br4ndon21 said:
I have a roommate/friend who’s kinda been annoying me lately. I’m sure there are things I could do differently and I just would like some advice.

He comes home, clearly sees me on the computer and asks, “What you doin?”
Sees me cooking “What you doin?”
How do I respond to being asked the obvious without being mean?
Being constantly asked “what’s up?” and “what you doin?” when you can clearly see what i’m doing gets annoying.

Constantly texting me when he’s at work or at school. It’s like, we live together, go live your life, I see/talk to you enough by living w you. I don’t need constant communication w you when we’re apart.

Not only that but when he’s home it’s like it’s all about him. He goes on these long diatribes boasting about arguements he’s had w people at school and how he won the arguement or set them right about something(he seems to think he’s right a lot and acts rather pompous at times) and if it’s not boasting about stuff he’s just going on and on and doesn’t seem to respect that I need my space and my time alone. I don’t need constant conversation.

Whatever advice would be appreciated because at this point I find myself just being hateful and I don’t want to be.
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Hmmm, looks like you’ve got a log in your eye, brother.
 
Can you imagine how your roommate could write a similar question?

I make a point to greet my roommmate every time I enter a room or return home. I’m met with sighs and eye-rolling? I try to be contientious and not forget things i want to mention to him, so I shoot him a quick text. He doesn’t seem to appreciate the efforts. What’s wrong?

I dare say your roommate is an extrovert–a person who feels energized being around and sharing himself with other people while you are an introvert. You need some time alone to recharge and think and feel ready to face the new day.

Neither is a bad thing, but feeding resentment rather than understaning could become a problem. Address it, kindly, but openly. Your roommate could be encouraged to foster these conversations with other family members and friends that may enjoy and even reciprocate the attention, and you’ll both be happier in your home life.
 
As others have noted, the question “What you doin?” is really just a way of saying hi, how are you, how is your day going, etc.

There come times in life for each of us when we wished someone would notice us and ask how we are. We take the concern of those around us for granted, until we find we need a bit of support for whatever reason. Try not to be so quick to find annoyance in another human being taking an interest in you and showing that they care. It may be annoying sometimes, but it is never a bad thing.
 
I know how you feel. My uncle, who I live with (I rent a room from my Grandmother and he also lives here, rent free) annoys the heck out of me. Its like 3/4ths of the things he tells me, I just do not care to hear and it bothers me. I just feel like always telling him “Why are you telling me that?” or the meaner version “I don’t care what you have to say” His drunken rants are the worst, as he plays in the band in a non Catholic Christian church but gets slobbering drunk regularly (As often as he can sell aluminum cans and ask my grandmother for money to buy beer since he does not have a job) and of course, everyone wants to hear a drunk guy preaching about God and telling you “God bless you” in a slurred drunken voice :rolleyes: Then in the next sentence talk about old friends of his, that you have no interest in and how they are good musicians (much like him, they practiced playing so much most of them never held jobs and did much with their lives. The drugs did not help either… oh but they can play the guitar 🤷 )

Just do what I do… tell yourself “it wont be forever” and be patient for the day it is over. That is if you cannot leave or get a new roommate. I am waiting for my uncle to start collecting his disability so he can help my grandmother out with the house payment, then I want to move out. He thinks he is going to live it up when he gets a check, but he’s going to learn when I move and he has to pay up.

Just remember… “It wont be forever” 👍
 
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