How to deal with (adult) sister when it's difficult?

[Elena321]

My sister(we’re adults) is very kind hearted and wonderful most of the time,but occasionally out of nowhere she will blame me for something or have a reaction that seems inappropiate/too high for the situation.

Like for example,we will organise to do something,and she will be interested in doing it,but when the day of the “activity”/outing actually comes she will act as if she is doing me a favour and acts stressed/angry that it is taking time away from her work:

Generally, I don’t think I am blameless in the relationship either and I would like to know how to be a better sister.

At the same time though,it’s hard to want to be nice to her like when yesterday I started crying because she was blaming me and she doesn’t even seem to care that she hurt/affected me and just wants to move on from the situation…

 

[Chantal25]

I don’t know the whole situation in detail but the example that you give, could it be possible in this case that your sister has problem to say NO or doesn’t really think of the involvement that it will take to undertake this project before saying NO?

Sometime, we don’t see that it would be far more honest and easier to just say, i sorry, i didn’t realize that i wouldn’t be able to do this and by fear to look as the bad guy/girl they don’t want to admit they made a mistake?

Pride is a great struggle for all of us to get rid of but if we pray for each other, we can overcome this with God. Jesus has already drawn the path for us and nobody better them him can understand being falsely accused and even condemn to death. I stayed humble and our salvation was his main goal that he was willing to put up with this injustice for our own sake.

I wouldn’t take this personally and only be concern what God think of me. It is annoying to be blamed and it can take a toll on us but at time, there isn’t much we can do except to remember that it doesn’t really matter only what God think of us matter.

Our family can be the hardest to deal with because we are more intimate with each other and have greater expectation but we must not let these humans issues come in the way and damage peace and the love we have for each other.

I will pray for your situation.
God Bless!

 

[Elena321]

I don’t know the whole situation in detail but the example that you give, could it be possible in this case that your sister has problem to say NO or doesn’t really think of the involvement that it will take to undertake this project before saying NO?

Sometime, we don’t see that it would be far more honest and easier to just say, i sorry, i didn’t realize that i wouldn’t be able to do this and by fear to look as the bad guy/girl they don’t want to admit they made a mistake?

Pride is a great struggle for all of us to get rid of but if we pray for each other, we can overcome this with God. Jesus has already drawn the path for us and nobody better them him can understand being falsely accused and even condemn to death. I stayed humble and our salvation was his main goal that he was willing to put up with this injustice for our own sake.

I wouldn’t take this personally and only be concern what God think of me. It is annoying to be blamed and it can take a toll on us but at time, there isn’t much we can do except to remember that it doesn’t really matter only what God think of us matter.

Our family can be the hardest to deal with because we are more intimate with each other and have greater expectation but we must not let these humans issues come in the way and damage peace and the love we have for each other.

I will pray for your situation.
God Bless!

Thanks Chantal25
I think my sister sometimes doesn’t fully pre consider the involvement of time etc it will take to do something.
I’ve asked her before to instead of getting stressed (or mad at me) in the moment to please take the time to consider beforehand if the activity will be “doable” (considering work commitments etc).

At the same time though,it seems that there’s never really ever a time that is doable/ok for her as she’s a bit of a workaholic (and in my view “stress-head”) and always finds a never ending list of things to do for work (I mean also working at home for work,non stop and overboard).

What do you mean by pride here please?Do you mean with me?

I’m not blameless like Jesus was,but at the same time it’s hard to find a middle ground with someone who doesn’t want win win problem solving solution…

 

[Monte_RCMS]

Pray, pray, pray.

Saint Monica prayed for her son for decades … they both became saints.

Saint Augustine and Saint Monica … with feast days on adjoining days.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

Like for example,we will organise to do something,and she will be interested in doing it,but when the day of the “activity”/outing actually comes she will act as if she is doing me a favour and acts stressed/angry that it is taking time away from her work:

I am guessing that these are outings that are your idea and that she is agreeing to because you wanted her to. For a while anyway, you need to stay in touch with her in ways that do not make demands on her time. Also, you need to learn to be less emotionally dependent on her. Nobody can hurt your feelings unless you let them.

 

[Memaw]

Thanks Chantal25
I think my sister sometimes doesn’t fully pre consider the involvement of time etc it will take to do something.
I’ve asked her before to instead of getting stressed (or mad at me) in the moment to please take the time to consider beforehand if the activity will be “doable” (considering work commitments etc).

At the same time though,it seems that there’s never really ever a time that is doable/ok for her as she’s a bit of a workaholic (and in my view “stress-head”) and always finds a never ending list of things to do for work (I mean also working at home for work,non stop and overboard).

What do you mean by pride here please?Do you mean with me?

I’m not blameless like Jesus was,but at the same time it’s hard to find a middle ground with someone who doesn’t want win win problem solving solution…

I was once told by a specialist that a person that does such things is jealous and has a low opinion of themselves so they blame others. The fact that she is a workaholic tells something of her personality. God Bless, Memaw

 

[Chantal25]

Thanks Chantal25
I think my sister sometimes doesn’t fully pre consider the involvement of time etc it will take to do something.
I’ve asked her before to instead of getting stressed (or mad at me) in the moment to please take the time to consider beforehand if the activity will be “doable” (considering work commitments etc).

At the same time though,it seems that there’s never really ever a time that is doable/ok for her as she’s a bit of a workaholic (and in my view “stress-head”) and always finds a never ending list of things to do for work (I mean also working at home for work,non stop and overboard).

What do you mean by pride here please?Do you mean with me?

I’m not blameless like Jesus was,but at the same time it’s hard to find a middle ground with someone who doesn’t want win win problem solving solution…

I was referring to her. Instead of saying, i am sorry, i won’t be able to make it, she has too much fear of being judged perhaps but whatever reason, pride is a great challenge to overcome. I certainly, have to battle with this like everyone else. God always give us the Grace to see from His perspective and it is easier to let go, if we trust Him. Pray for her. I have a friend she does tomorrow what she cans do today, instead of saying she has being negligent, it is always something else fault or someone else fault. Now thinking of this, she haven’t done this for ages so i know my prayer has been granted, today she just say the true reason why, she haven’t look into something or haven’t done anything yet. Like she has no more fear about it.

Pray for your sister and let go the attachment that she admits her wrongs or NOT, this is between her and God. Most people that i made peace with, still haven’t apologize for their part, but this is between them and God. God gave us the grace to love them anyway.

I pray for you and her.

God bless!

 

[Elena321]

I am guessing that these are outings that are your idea and that she is agreeing to because you wanted her to. For a while anyway, you need to stay in touch with her in ways that do not make demands on her time. Also, you need to learn to be less emotionally dependent on her. Nobody can hurt your feelings unless you let them.

They usually are my idea but they arn’t things that I just want to do.I suggest things that she wants to do too.
I’m definitely not emotionally dependant on her.
At the same time though,I am sensitive.
I don’t know how to not let my feelings hurt.
For example,I Accidently dropped a book on the floor.Instead of turning around and just asking calmly/matter of factly what happened,she turned around and yelled at me.
She has dropped many things before,much more than me,and I have never yelled at her about it.
I’d like to have a harmonious relationship but sometimes she seems to want to take her stressors out on me.
Would you have any suggestions please on how to think better so that I don’t let my feelings get hurt?

 

[Elena321]

I was referring to her. Instead of saying, i am sorry, i won’t be able to make it, she has too much fear of being judged perhaps but whatever reason, pride is a great challenge to overcome. I certainly, have to battle with this like everyone else. God always give us the Grace to see from His perspective and it is easier to let go, if we trust Him. Pray for her. I have a friend she does tomorrow what she cans do today, instead of saying she has being negligent, it is always something else fault or someone else fault. Now thinking of this, she haven’t done this for ages so i know my prayer has been granted, today she just say the true reason why, she haven’t look into something or haven’t done anything yet. Like she has no more fear about it.

Pray for your sister and let go the attachment that she admits her wrongs or NOT, this is between her and God. Most people that i made peace with, still haven’t apologize for their part, but this is between them and God. God gave us the grace to love them anyway.

I pray for you and her.

God bless!

Thanks a lot.God bless you too.

 

[jane_doe]

Seek first to understand.

For example, Is she freaking out because she’s overcommitted and this is the only way she knows how to release stress? If so, then such actually has nothing to do with your actions. Or is she honestly upset with you shirking your responsibilities? And then, did you actually shirk your responsibilities?

 

[EasterJoy]

My sister(we’re adults) is very kind hearted and wonderful most of the time,but occasionally out of nowhere she will blame me for something or have a reaction that seems inappropiate/too high for the situation.

Like for example,we will organise to do something,and she will be interested in doing it,but when the day of the “activity”/outing actually comes she will act as if she is doing me a favour and acts stressed/angry that it is taking time away from her work:

Generally, I don’t think I am blameless in the relationship either and I would like to know how to be a better sister.

At the same time though,it’s hard to want to be nice to her like when yesterday I started crying because she was blaming me and she doesn’t even seem to care that she hurt/affected me and just wants to move on from the situation…

Take this possibility into account when you make your plans in the future. For instance, you might say, “I will pencil you in for ________, but if the time comes and it doesn’t look as if it is going to work for you, you need to let me know by [Date].” Then when [Date] rolls around, you call her up and say, “Is this going to work for you? No, I mean really work for you. This is supposed to be fun. That’s why we’re doing it. If it is not going to be fun because your schedule got crazy, then let’s cancel, no harm done.”

If that doesn’t work, then quit scheduling things for just the two of her. Let her take the lead. Honestly, life is too short.