How to deal with husband’s long hours?

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TotusTuusForever

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How should a wife deal with a husband that works incredibly long hours to the point where it’s hurting the marriage?
 
The obvious thing to do is speak with him and find out if the long hours are necessary, or his preference.
You must also know why you are bothered by it if is is necessary that he work those hours. Ask yourself if it is because you miss him, or if he is shirking his home responsibilities, or something else. It seems as talking to him is what you need to do. This may be a time where he really needs to be there or he may be unaware how his choice to work long hours affects you. So pick a time when you can discuss the subject calmly and honestly.
 
And when you talk to him, explain the importance of balance in your combined lives.
Sometimes men/husbands get into a rut. They really think what they are dong pleases you, or is what you want.

For example, he thinks you’re proud of him because you get to drive a $80,000 dollar Lincoln Navigator. The trade off is he has to work more to afford the payments.
 
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My opinion, the long hours are not the problem. Work to get to the root of the problem and deal with that.

Do you have any friends who are military spouses? Bases have a natural support system for spouses. Your military friends can give you some pointers.

You do not mention if you have children at home. That does matter when looking for the root of the problem.

Your husband is earning a living to support his family, that is a good thing. You miss him when he is away, that means you have devotion to him, another good thing.

Can you provide an example of how long hours are hurting your marriage?
 
Assuming you haven’t done this already, you need to get on the same page regarding the necessity of these hours. Are they voluntary? Can they be reduced or would he have to look for employment elsewhere? Would you be willing to live on less in order to have him home more, or would you be willing to work more hours yourself in exchange for more family time? If nothing can be done at this time about the work hours, can a long-range plan be made to improve the situation? In the meantime, can you prioritize some time together and with the family? Maybe hire a sitter for a date night, or luncheon, or breakfast buffet? Make certain to plan a family activity once a week? Some ideas. It would be easier if we knew more precisely what the problems were.
 
Although there isn’t enough information in your post go by, I’d love to help. I’m the poster-child for this topic! I don’t know what line of work your husband is in, what is hours are, what schedule he has, whether or not you have children, if you live near family, if he travels… or how it’s hurting your marriage (what in particular his long hours are affecting). If you want to elaborate I’d love to help. I’ve been doing this (and so has he) for so many years, we both wouldn’t know what to do if he suddenly had an 8-5 job. Weekends, holidays, 14 hour work days, 6 day weeks… that’s what we know. There probably needs to be a little adjustment on both your parts but I’m not quite sure what is hurting you (and him) the most and what needs the most help. Hugs though.
 
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