How to deal with my own conscience?

[Sakux]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been reading a bit through this forum, I am glad to have found a place to talk about catholic themes in an easy way and a populous community.

Well, going to the point: through the last weeks, I’ve been remembering things I did in the past and thinking that I have never confessed them in a proper way, so I confessed them. But the deal is that especially during this recent time, every time I leave confession, there’s a voice in my mind that starts looking everywhere in my life trying to find a mortal sin that I might have done that I may have forgotten to confess. When it finds a possible occurrence, it also starts to think about other possible sins that may have been related to it while performing the “main” one. In the end, it leaves me desperate, fighting mentally against myself, and losing hope.

I’ve been texting several priests asking about specific things that I did, and until now they always said that they were not mortal (although some had to be mentioned in the next confession).

Last time I confessed just before Mass, I had to try to keep my mind busy so that I could receive communion; but the moment I went out of the church, the same thing happened. And then, as I have doubts about whether it is mortal or not, I don’t receive communion (cause of sacrilege).

This way of living leads me sometimes to think about what will happen to me now: will I have to keep confessing every day? Will I have to not get communion, except when recently confessed?

I needed to say this to someone who understood all the catholic terms without judging the Church because of it.

I would ask you to pray for me, as this situation is making me doubt of the love of God, even though He always does what is best for us.

 

[Dan_Defender]

Honestly, it sounds like scrupulosity/OCD to me. Confession should bring you peace, not endless doubts.

 

[PatK63]

You are being attack. In one way it is good because the devil doesn’t have you get! All sins ore forgiven with absolution unless you deliberately withhold a mortal sin. If you commit a mortal sin you will know it because it takes a lot of mental work to commit a Ms.

Every time the devil starts on you say a Hail Mary. The devil will figure out he is just driving you to pray and he will try something else. He does not want you praying!

 

[PetraG]

I would ask you to pray for me, as this situation is making me doubt of the love of God, even though He always does what is best for us.

What would you do if you walked out of a doctor’s office and found yourself seized with the fear that some terrible malady was missed? What if you were afraid that every day you were contracting new bacteria or viruses that might give you some awful disease? There are people who are plagued with this kind of fear…maybe most of us are, at least for a moment in passing. A lot of times, they examine their concerns and can reassure themselves. Other times, they can talk to their doctors and receive reassurance. In some cases, they have to go to a psychologist to learn how to change their thinking, and it can be a real struggle. The less habitual this kind of thinking is allowed to become, the better for you.

Go talk to your confessor. He should be able to explain why you have nothing to fear. Repeat as necessary. If he tells you to get psychological counselling, do it, but I’m thinking you are dealing with the kind of garden-variety doubts that can plague us. Those who have pointed out that the devil can have a tormenting field day with that kind of thing are spot-on. The remedy is to reject the temptation to keep all these doubts to yourself. If you need help, get it. We all need something. It is not a matter of “stop worrying.” It is a matter of learning what other things to do, instead, when worrying tries to seem to be the most pressing option.

 

[Bluebright]

Remember that receiving Holy Communion removes venial sin for you, as long as you are receiving it properly. You don’t have to confess every little sin. If you are worried you have forgotten a mortal sin, in the past, then just ask God to reveal any sins he wants you to confess. In fact it’s a good habit to get into anyway. Ask God to send his the Holy Spirit to speak for you in confession so you say what he wishes you to say and that way you can be assured you’ll remember all the sins you ought to with humility.
Someone else mentioned it, but you are likely falling into temptation by the enemy when you get bombarded by these intrusive thoughts. God does not do things that way. If God wanted you to confess something from long ago, it would be brought to your consciousness gently and lovingly. It is a hallmark of the enemy to bombard you with something and cause you to feel panic and freak out. The enemy’s aim is to stop you going to mass and make you give up praying and think God doesnt care etc. God’s aim is to love you and bring you to him. Two things, try to trust in God, ie his mercy (read or watch some of Sister Faustina’s Diary - Divine Mercy, I believe a movie is out about her in the US - you guys are so blessed). and two have patience with God’s ways, the enemy gets bored testing you if you dont succumb so next time you get these intrusive thoughts, read the Psalms (or recite them if you know any) or just says the Lord’s prayer or Hail Mary, cross yourself and ask Jesus to hide you in his wounds, his Sacred Heart. There is nothing wrong with fleeing to God in times of temptation, it’s the wisest thing ever. God bless you.

 

[PetraG]

If God wanted you to confess something from long ago, it would be brought to your consciousness gently and lovingly. It is a hallmark of the enemy to bombard you with something and cause you to feel panic and freak out. The enemy’s aim is to stop you going to mass and make you give up praying and think God doesnt care etc. God’s aim is to love you and bring you to him.

This is an excellent point. Divine inspiration brings repentance and peace. Both our own fears and the One who lies to separate us from God leave us unsettled and uncertain. Suffering doesn’t mean we are on the wrong track, but fearing that God isn’t merciful enough to cope with our failures surely is!

Every time the devil starts on you say a Hail Mary. The devil will figure out he is just driving you to pray and he will try something else. He does not want you praying!

Yes. Our Lady and our guardian angels will lead us to repentance and peace, too.
Another thing that can be very powerful is to give God thanks and praise for his bountiful mercy and generosity when we feel low and small. The more we run closer to God, the less we have to fear our own weakness and folly.

 

[Vico]

This way of living leads me sometimes to think about what will happen to me now: will I have to keep confessing every day? Will I have to not get communion, except when recently confessed?

One can abstain from reception of the Eucharist and instead use the sacrament of confession and before that, an act of perfect contrition, to restore or increase sanctifying grace. I know some do not receive Communion due to allergies or not having fasted or having received twice already.

One thing to keep in mind in the Catechism is:

1451 Among the penitent’s acts contrition occupies first place. Contrition is "sorrow of the soul and detestation for the sin committed, together with the resolution not to sin again."50

1452 When it arises from a love by which God is loved above all else, contrition is called “perfect” (contrition of charity). Such contrition remits venial sins; it also obtains forgiveness of mortal sins if it includes the firm resolution to have recourse to sacramental confession as soon as possible.51

When a mortal sin committed before absolution is remembered after absolution, the absolution is valid for all those forgotten mortal sins too. Absolution for mortal sins is unlike absolution for a venial sins, since absolution for a venial sin does not require sorrow for all venial sins.

Also actual sin is something done wilfully not involuntarily. Some people experience automatic thoughts and cannot control their occurrence, however their will can be against them.

 

[Episcopalian]

Honestly this sounds like scrupulocity. I’d go to a specialist who specializes in cognitive therapy or anxiety or something.

Talking with a priest could help, but they are fairly untrained with fixing with this sort of stuff.

They probably are trained to deal with it and soothe for the time being, but actually helping you recognize and distinguish between appropriate religious concern and intrusive scrupulous thoughts is way out of their league.