How to deal with our darker sides?

[Xandria]

The title pretty much says it all. How to deal with our darker sides? I don’t just mean fighting temptation but how to deal with desires we have (maybe even since childhood) and just can’t seem to get rid off although we know they are sinful and we despise them ourselves. Things that resonate with a darker side of ourselves, that C.G. Jung called the Shadow. Psychology says that the more we deny and cut ourselves of from them the more they will rule us and eventually take up a life of their own, resulting in addictions and obsessions, for instance. And I have found it to be true. The more I fight the harder it becomes. Since becoming Christian I really beat myself up because I know how wrong it is and grow frustrated because I strive to be holy and keep falling.

Is it possible to get rid of such a dark side? How to deal with it without giving in and thus sinning big time and without constantly pushing it back until it erupts?

 

[edwest2]

The first thing to know is that we cannot do it by ourselves. Pray to the Holy Spirit and ask for His help. He is just as much God as Jesus Christ and God the Father.

You see, God does not force Himself on us. He does not impose Himself. Jesus said, Ask and ye shall receive. We must ask. When we make ourselves open to Him, He will give us a desire to distance ourselves from sin. It takes time and you should pray daily for continued strength to resist temptation. This daily conversation with God will help you to form a closer relationship with Him. He wants us, very much wants us, to turn to Him.

God bless,
Ed

 

[SteveGC]

Quite a universal question, Xandria. You will undoubtedly get many replies…

The fact that you have decided to journey in Christian faith is the single most important weapon you now possess to “deal with the darker side”, as you say. Congratulations on that critical decision.

As a Catholic, I rely on the sacrament of Reconcilliation, among other things. If you are unfamiliar, this is an act of humility, of a contrite heart, of confession of sin, and the absolution (forgiveness) of sins from Christ. Whether you confess your sins to Christ directly in prayer, or sacramentally through His appointed priests as His representative (I do both), I would suggest that you **say aloud **the precise temptations and desires that trouble you. Face your demons head on in this way, and you will be on your way to escaping the bonds of those evils.

It takes time, it takes an act of your will (a decision to turn from those thoughts and actions), and mostly it takes the grace of God to help you succeed. But with an effort to continually convert your heart toward Christ, and have sorrow for offending Him with your sins, you WILL succeed. I promise you that.

God Bless You.

SteveGC

 

[fbl9]

Quite a universal question, Xandria. You will undoubtedly get many replies…

The fact that you have decided to journey in Christian faith is the single most important weapon you now possess to “deal with the darker side”, as you say. Congratulations on that critical decision.

As a Catholic, I rely on the sacrament of Reconcilliation, among other things. If you are unfamiliar, this is an act of humility, of a contrite heart, of confession of sin, and the absolution (forgiveness) of sins from Christ. Whether you confess your sins to Christ directly in prayer, or sacramentally through His appointed priests as His representative (I do both), I would suggest that you **say aloud **the precise temptations and desires that trouble you. Face your demons head on in this way, and you will be on your way to escaping the bonds of those evils.

It takes time, it takes an act of your will (a decision to turn from those thoughts and actions), and mostly it takes the grace of God to help you succeed. But with an effort to continually convert your heart toward Christ, and have sorrow for offending Him with your sins, you WILL succeed. I promise you that.

God Bless You.

SteveGC

in addition i found for myself i have had to deal with one thing at a time,ie impure temptations,now i will be working on the other things that are a hindering me from a perfect unity in Him

 

[Monica4316]

The way I deal with it, is I try to remember that feelings are not sins (although sinful) if we don’t want them, don’t encourage them, and don’t act on them. When I feel something that is wrong, I pray about it and try to do the opposite thing… ask for God to give me the grace I need to overcome… eventually it might go away we should want to overcome all our weaknesses and sinful habits or parts of our personality…yet I think what really matters is what we choose to do, and God does the rest.

I don’t know if that’s what you meant… but in any case, don’t try to rely on yourself but on God…

Blessings

 

[MarieVeronica]

The more I fight the harder it becomes.

Our lives here on earth, are truly a “spiritual battle”. I’ve often heard it said… that the devil attacks, most vehemently… those who attempt to live out their lives… faithful to God and His laws. And that makes perfect sense… does it not? Why would the devil attack anyone who is living a sinful life? There is no need to try to make them “trip” when they are doing such a fine job by themselves.

On the other hand… those who attempt, rigorously… to love God and conduct their lives as His children… will be attacked until they draw their last breath. And it seems… the closer you attempt, to get to God… the MORE the attacks are “stepped up”.

You may (or may not) be familiar with the “Prayer of St. Michael”. It was written by Pope Leo XIII. I believe the story goes… that during or after the offering of Mass… Pope Leo had a vision of the spiritual battle, raging around us. And he was so horrified… that he wrote the prayer… and recommended it to be recited after each Mass. It goes:

“St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil; may God rebuke him, we humbly pray and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits who prowl through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.”

The recitation of this prayer has largely disappeared… in many places. But thankfully, is beginning to REAPPEAR in some parishes. I’m thankful that mine is one of them.

I would also recommend the praying of “The Chaplet of St. Michael”. It is a Rosary-like chaplet, invoking the assistance of St. Michael and the 9 Holy Choirs of Gods Angels.

ewtn.com/library/prayer/mikechap.txt

Hope this helps. God bless.

 

[Epistemes]

I just finished reading Murray Bodo “The Way of St. Francis: The Challenge of Franciscan Spirituality for Everyone,” and in one chapter Bodo discusses the true dynamism of St. Francis’s humanity, how he saw in himself the ability to do great evil as well as exceedingly good, and how much more necessary it was to follow in the footsteps of Christ.

It has been my experience that the more I attempt to snuff out evil thoughts, the harder it becomes to avoid the elephant in the room. It takes sincerity and honesty and true humility to be able to come to terms with the fact that not only are you thinking of such evil but that you are capable of such evil. It’s at that moment that you must cling all the more fervently to Christ, recognizing in him all that is wholesome, pure, and good. This doesn’t mean that we try to live an imitation of Christ, denying our humanity, but by recognizing it for what it is, which is our fallen nature, we then progress forward in the mode of St. Francis by walking in Christ’s footsteps.

 

[Xandria]

Thank you all for your answer so far. A few thoughts on what you have said:

SteveGC:
I’m not Catholic yet, so sadly cannot go to confession. I really hope that once I will be able to receive communion and absolution in confession things will get better. Although I really dread that first confession. When you really think about and have to tell someone it’s amazing how much stupid things you have done in 20+ years.

The way I deal with it, is I try to remember that feelings are not sins (although sinful) if we don’t want them, don’t encourage them, and don’t act on them.

I’m not sure I understood this correctly. Is an affinity (so to speak)for a certain evil a sin in itself or does it only become sin when I give in?

MarieVeronica:
I guess you are right. It’s just that it has become much worse SINCE becoming Christian. I would have thought the opposite would be the case. It’s not like I go through life obsessing about it. Usually I don’t even think about it and if i do it’s mostly along the lines “what on earth was I thinking?” but if an attack comes it really shakes me and leaves me completely vulnerable most times.

Thank you for the prayers. I will definitely try out the chaplet.

It has been my experience that the more I attempt to snuff out evil thoughts, the harder it becomes to avoid the elephant in the room.

That’s exactly my problem and as I wrote above a psychological fact. And as a Christian I encounter a dilemma there. Of course I want to stop but the harder I try the more difficult it becomes.

It takes sincerity and honesty and true humility to be able to come to terms with the fact that not only are you thinking of such evil but that you are capable of such evil. It’s at that moment that you must cling all the more fervently to Christ, recognizing in him all that is wholesome, pure, and good. This doesn’t mean that we try to live an imitation of Christ, denying our humanity, but by recognizing it for what it is, which is our fallen nature, we then progress forward in the mode of St. Francis by walking in Christ’s footsteps.

Thanks, I will continue trying.

What really leaves me clueless on how to beat this is that when I successfully resist shortly later these stupid longings creep into my dreams at night. And after that they lie close at the surface and it’s usually not long after that I fall again.

Any practical advice, everyone?

Again, is it possible to snuff such an affinity out eventually?

How do I let God take over? As with all problems I always seem to give him my troubles in prayer and after finishing take them with me again.

 

[AveSantaMaria]

Praying a lot seems to help me.

Another thing - exploring things sometimes helps instead of letting it simmer below the surface. For example, I have a problem with unforgiveness; sometimes I can be in a rage just recalling things that hurt me or I can lose my thought in group prayer dwelling on my anger. I confessed it to a priest. Then I started reading the book of Jonah since Jonah struggles with not wanting to do God’s will as well as the Saint’s commentaries on this book and Jewish commentaries on the book. litteralchristianlibrary.wetpaint.com/page/Jonah+Chapter+4 Jonah Commentary Interestingly enough, the next day I read a page of St. Mary Faustina’s Diary: Divine Mercy in My Soul saint-faustina.com/Diary/DMIMS1.shtml and Jesus was telling her to read Jonah, maybe it was like Jesus was confirming to me through her that he really wanted to me to absorb the messages of the book of Jonah.

There is a saying that goes “you can’t know where you’re going if you don’t know where you’ve come from.” Maybe I can’t get past my sin of unforgiveness if I don’t fully explore the implications of unforgiveness in the bible, the power of God, the merciful, just, and good nature of God, and my own need for mercy. Realizing my own need for mercy has helped me to forgive others as well as seeing that God is just - the fact that John stayed with Jesus at his crucifixion and was the only disciple who was not martyred, or the fact that the most evil state institutions of the last century have all fallen and are all in disrepute: slavery, colonialism, genocide. I don’t need to worry about others getting away with their evil deeds given that God is LOVE and MERCY as well as JUSTICE, I need to be seeking mercy by being merciful to others.

Maybe if these temptations of yours, I’m guessing related to physical intimacy, are explored you may find relief. The sense of - joining a support group and learning about how other people’s lives have been ruined because they indulged in these practices or reading the statistical research on how these practices prevent people from developing long-term meaningful relationships. Looking at Biblical stories and ends of people who suffered for these physical indiscretions like King David, King Solomon, Absalom, and Sodom and Gomorrah.

Finally, as St. Padre Pio said, “The Rosary is THE weapon.” When you regularly and frequently pray, as constantly as possible, you will develop a habit of prayer so that you will develop an automatic prayer habit. Sometimes I dream in prayer that helps a lot with nightly struggles. "He was in such agony and he prayed so fervently that his sweat became like drops of blood falling on the ground."Luke 22:44 "Pray Always."1 Thess 5:17 Maybe you can also offer your struggles up as a suffering to God, in redemption for poor sinners. I think St. Mary Faustina said something like she said the words, “Jesus, I endure this for you.” In that case, even if the struggle doesn’t go away, at least you are still benefiting from it spiritually until it does.

May the Holy Spirit through the Immaculate Heart of Mary grace us with the gifts that we most desperately need!! May the LOVE and MERCY of the Sacred Heart of JESUS be proclaimed, venerated, adored, believed, and loved both now and forevermore, through all time, in all places!! May the WONDERS of the Immaculate Heart of Mary be realized, believed, venerated, and loved all the time, everywhere, in all places!! AMEN!!AMEN!!AMEN!!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world! For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us and on the whole world!

O Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Sorrowful and Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

 

[MarieVeronica]

MarieVeronica:
I guess you are right. It’s just that it has become much worse SINCE becoming Christian. I would have thought the opposite would be the case.

I think that this is what Our dear Lord was referring to (or at least, alluding to)… when He said…

“If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23)

We all have many “crosses” to carry in life. Spiritual “battles” among the most difficult. But don’t ever be afraid. Because Our Good Lord loves us… and will never permit “attacks” beyond our strength. We are God’s children! :heaven: And remember… all of us have a beautiful Guardian Angel, standing at the ready… to help. Ask your Guardian Angel for his assistance.

Persevere. Because the Vision of God, in Heaven will be SO worth the effort! I bet our human “effort” will pale in comparison to what lies beyond… in Heaven.

God bless!

 

[KingAlfred]

The title pretty much says it all. How to deal with our darker sides? I don’t just mean fighting temptation but how to deal with desires we have (maybe even since childhood) and just can’t seem to get rid off although we know they are sinful and we despise them ourselves. Things that resonate with a darker side of ourselves, that C.G. Jung called the Shadow. Psychology says that the more we deny and cut ourselves of from them the more they will rule us and eventually take up a life of their own, resulting in addictions and obsessions, for instance. And I have found it to be true. The more I fight the harder it becomes. Since becoming Christian I really beat myself up because I know how wrong it is and grow frustrated because I strive to be holy and keep falling.

Is it possible to get rid of such a dark side? How to deal with it without giving in and thus sinning big time and without constantly pushing it back until it erupts?

It’s possibly the toughest part of self-mastery, and the very essence of self-denial. I can’t agree that our darkside will inexorably take over. We can defeat it, although our victory might be an ugly victory. Sometimes that’s the best we can do – win ugly.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Is it possible to get rid of such a dark side? How to deal with it without giving in and thus sinning big time and without constantly pushing it back until it erupts?

What I fight vigorously and heatedly against, I am going to give power to and if for no other reason than when I am emotional, I usually don’t think as straight and true as when I am not. It is going to rule me as long as it is a heated battle and eventually it probably could take on a whole life of its own and become an obsession.

If I embrace my dark side and acknowledge it for what it actually is, confess it for what it actually is when I fail, I can start to look at it in an objective and dispassionate manner reasoning out probably why I do act or behave in the way I do that is my darker side. After all it is in the nature of sinners to sin. The very first step in dealing with a problem is to acknowledge honestly that I have one.
Never ever underestimate the great power of Confession…of the Merciful Jesus. I confess that same old sin week in and week out and I am totally powerless to overcome myself and stop that sin…I feel humiliated and embarrased every time I go to Confession. Year in and year out, that same sin plagues me. I now have a pretty good understanding of why I do commit that sin, but now I have two things to confess, the sin and the movitation!!! It is total humiliation. Then one day I look back and with great surprise indeed, I wonder: “What on earth happened to that sin!” Confession can be humiliating…for everyone, including Father who is hearing your confession And humiliation cuts at the very root of sin, which is pride. Welcome humiliation:thumbsup: …as cruel and difficult as it is!!!

Reading your post, Xandria, what leapt out at me was and struck me as the key “striving to be holy and keep falling”. Pondering what had struck me, two things occured to me:

• Define what you mean by holiness
• And that there is nothing like a fall or falling to learn the true nature of humility
  Saints are sinners who don’t give up…the whole of life is a journey is long and full of pitfalls. Rather than our falls into the pits being failures, they are opportunities to learn true humility the heart of which is self knowledge and knowledge of God’s Loving Mercy…not condescending or long suffering Mercy, but Loving Mercy. God loves to be Merciful…as for example when I say “I love that dress”…so God loves to be Merciful - and to be Merciful, He needs sinners
  Humility St.Albert tells us is the foundation of all virtue…and virtue lived out heroically is holiness and sanctity.

It could almost be said that the first step in true holiness is to accept oneself as a sinner and then and only then can one take the next step and hope to be a saint. The surprising thing is not when I sin, rather it is when I do not sin since it is the very nature of a sinner to sin…as it is the nature of heat to be warm.

Barb
The problem for me with the great ascetics I have known and I knew a couple in the convent- the totally disciplined people with both eyes raised painfully to the heavens with great sanctity in mind, is that they have all been such intolerant people, devoid of a healthy sense of fun and laughter, of warmth and empathy, and not at all comforting and consoling, affirming and encouraging, to be around.

 

[almeras]

I believe there has been given some very good answers to this question, for I feel that many of us go thru this same thing. I know I have my struggles with specific temptations at times as well. Thanks to everyone who has answered this, for you are helping many others who take the time to read these posts.

 

[almeras]

Saints are sinners who don’t give up…the whole of life is a journey is long and full of pitfalls. Rather than our falls into the pits being failures, they are opportunities to learn true humility the heart of which is self knowledge and knowledge of God’s Loving Mercy…not condescending or long suffering Mercy, but Loving Mercy. God loves to be Merciful…as for example when I say “I love that dress”…so God loves to be Merciful - and to be Merciful, He needs sinners
Humility St.Albert tells us is the foundation of all virtue…and virtue lived out heroically is holiness and sanctity.

It could almost be said that the first step in true holiness is to accept oneself as a sinner and then and only then can one take the next step and hope to be a saint. The surprising thing is not when I sin, rather it is when I do not sin since it is the very nature of a sinner to sin…as it is the nature of heat to be warm.

Amen

 

[Mystic_Warrior]

The title pretty much says it all. How to deal with our darker sides? I don’t just mean fighting temptation but how to deal with desires we have (maybe even since childhood) and just can’t seem to get rid off although we know they are sinful and we despise them ourselves.

Desires are not evil in and of themselves. It’s acting upon our thoughts that we get into trouble. You may have certain desires all your life. Give yourself to Jesus - point out your issues (which He already knows) and ask Him to help you, along with the Blessed Mother and the saints.

If you fall, you fall. Get back up. Confess, be forgiven, and try not to do it again. You’re not going to live a perfect life as a Christian. It’s a higher calling and one in which we will struggle with our whole lives. But that shouldn’t make us despair. We are more than conquerors through Christ. Despising yourself is not healthy. God loves you as a person and you must love yourself despite your faults.

Things that resonate with a darker side of ourselves, that C.G. Jung called the Shadow. Psychology says that the more we deny and cut ourselves of from them the more they will rule us and eventually take up a life of their own, resulting in addictions and obsessions, for instance. And I have found it to be true. The more I fight the harder it becomes. Since becoming Christian I really beat myself up because I know how wrong it is and grow frustrated because I strive to be holy and keep falling.

First, Jung is not the be all - end all. I don’t agree with “psychology” 100% either. You should focus more on filling yourself with the light of God than fighting the desires you have. Realize that you are human and as humans we all have desires that are a natural part of us. Else, how could we desire to be saved and to be with Christ? If you focus on surrounding yourself with good things and God’s love, mercy and forgiveness, instead of pushing away the bad things, you’ll find things are much easier.

Is it possible to get rid of such a dark side? How to deal with it without giving in and thus sinning big time and without constantly pushing it back until it erupts?

No, and you wouldn’t want to totally lose the presence of the dark side. Recognition of a “dark side” is a good thing. In my life, it wasn’t until I experienced the “dark side” of myself and the world that I realized how wonderful, glorious and powerful God is. I also didn’t truly understand mercy and grace till I experienced the “dark side”.

My daily email Bible verse was from John 6:

“I am here. Do not be afraid” - Jesus

Peace, be still and know that He is God.

MW

 

[Augustine]

What really leaves me clueless on how to beat this is that when I successfully resist shortly later these stupid longings creep into my dreams at night. And after that they lie close at the surface and it’s usually not long after that I fall again.

Any practical advice, everyone?

Again, is it possible to snuff such an affinity out eventually?

First off, don’t get preoccupied at what happens in dreams. The realm of the mind is still within reach of devils, such as incubuses and succubuses. They’re unconscious images, even when suggested by demons, therefore not sinful. Likewise, don’t wallow in them when you wake up, for consciously dwelling in them may be sinful.

As a practical advice, you need to reject them consciously. If necessary, even physically. For example, if the recollection of a dream is a near occasion of sin when you wake up, do not remain in bed, but stand up and begin your day, with a cold shower if that works for you.

Eventually, you do build up resistance to such attacks and they may or may not become less frequent. Even if you have developed an addiction, you will become stronger, by the grace of God.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

BarbaraTherese;4581793:

Saints are sinners who don’t give up…the whole of life is a journey is long and full of pitfalls. Rather than our falls into the pits being failures, they are opportunities to learn true humility the heart of which is self knowledge and knowledge of God’s Loving Mercy…not condescending or long suffering Mercy, but Loving Mercy. God loves to be Merciful…as for example when I say “I love that dress”…so God loves to be Merciful - and to be Merciful, He needs sinners
Humility St.Albert tells us is the foundation of all virtue…and virtue lived out heroically is holiness and sanctity.

It could almost be said that the first step in true holiness is to accept oneself as a sinner and then and only then can one take the next step and hope to be a saint. The surprising thing is not when I sin, rather it is when I do not sin since it is the very nature of a sinner to sin…as it is the nature of heat to be warm.

Quoting Almeras

: Amen

…the spiritual way is full of paradox everywhere…and the first step is actually ten steps on a ten step ladder!

 

[Xandria]

Thank you everybody, this has all helped me a lot!

 

[Vanessa]

First I have to determine if I need to pray for this temptation to go away, or pray for the desire for the temptation to go away. Sometimes, I want to want to do it. My heart has not fully rejected the temptation. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I closely examine if I want the temptation, or if I’m really distressed by the temptation. If I’m distressed, then I relax a little, cause it’s easier. I call on St. Michael, the Holy Spirit, the Blessed Virgin, and finally tell Jesus that he needs to take care of this for me. He knows my strength. The temptation usually becomes quite bearable, if not totally gone.

If I’m enjoying the temptation, then I know it’s going to be tough. I focus my prayers on the grace to not want the temptation. This is much harder, because I want something evil. Somehow the grace works differently here. Is it a rule of heaven to read the heart and give only the good that the heart truly wants? Once I obtain the grace to no longer desire the evil, I follow the path previously mentioned and pray for the temptation to go away.

 

[John_Lavelle]

It is a hard fight. When we give into evil,it feels easy at first and them it feels like nothing. The pain is to wake us to our lostness. It can feel better to be numb but where we see shadow, there must be light to see it with and like coming out of a dark room into a bright day, the first reaction is to close our eyes against the light. So it is with the battle over us between Christ and the other guy. Our souls are being torn away from the darkness and, especially when new in the faith, it is painful. Where is the temptation? In us? Around us? Why are we so weak? Why is it so hard?

For us it is impossible. But where I am weak, there he is strong. Be humble, pray, cry out to God, Jesus, and Mary for help. Kneel before the cross. Go to communion as close as you can until you are a cathecumen and then recieve as often as you can. Pray for others and be of loving service whenever you can. Accept the prayer and loving service of others. This will help you escape the illusion that you can win on your own.

For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin. Pray for me.