Hi, I don’t think anyone will sustain a judgement that you are mentally ill.
They are indicating that you have shown that your attitudes eg, towards yourself, your image of self and self talk aren’t very healthy. You know that.
And when our image of ourself isn’t healthy or is skewed, we aren’t always enormously accurate in assessing others also. When self-critical, we can also be more intensely reactive to any hint of criticism from others. This is natural human behaviour.
If you do need some help to reset your self-attitudes and maybe also your perception of others…that isn’t a judgement of mental illness.
It’s a reality that most of us perhaps at times in our lives need to readjust our self-image and our perceptions of others. All of us need help in one way or other, at some time.
Sometimes we need others to help us reset, as we may be so enmeshed in our way of thinking and responding that we can’t make the adjustment alone. This is why a few posters have suggested help.
Sometimes it’s someone else’s few wise words that can trigger a change in our thoughts and lives, sometimes it is a personal unexpected kindness, sometimes it is therapy. The fact that you can’t even go ahead with your hobbies and interests, indicates that you need something or someone to help you to overcome the depressive blocks and start really living according to your real self, your real God-given gifts.
If we are critical of ourselves, we do take anything that seems like criticism or judgement by others, far more seriously than they might intend. And you did react very strongly to anything you perceived or recognised as criticism. You are made extra sensitive to anything negative or threatening from others, including your fear that your wife may have some emotional infidelity.
Right now you do need to seek some kind of healing that doesn’t cause you to bring about the very thing you fear, as not being positive, but being unhappy and self-doubting is harmful to relationship with others.
I hope you can find a practical way to help yourself to find a more positive and happier approach to life, for your own sake and that of your wife.
I hope you can break the habits of negative self talk and of doubt and unhappiness. You do portray those things, so it isn’t an unsubstantiated perception of you…while I also am aware that there is so much more in persons’ lives than they can convey in an internet thread.
Bless you, and your wife,
Trish
