How to deal with the frustration in a struggling marriage?

[The_Bucket]

RoseMary is exactly right. You’re trying to make sweeping gestures here and that’s going to be seen as just a ploy, just a maneuver, just an insincere push to make everything OK. What you need to do is to just be there as RoseMary said. Just do what you’re supposed to do in everyday life. Be the good father. Be the good husband. Take opportunities when they present themselves to talk to her for just a couple of minutes. You’re not going to have a two hour heart-to-heart and at the end everyone’s going to be great. It just does not work that way.

Do small things to be a better father. Take the family out on walks. Take them out to the park. Go set up a sports game for everyone to play with the neighbors. Bring them to brunch after Mass on Sundays. Little things man, baby steps. You can’t put Humpty Dumpty back together with duct tape. You have to glue him back to together slowly and methodically.

 

[Mary_Poppins]

RoseMary is exactly right. You’re trying to make sweeping gestures here and that’s going to be seen as just a ploy, just a maneuver, just an insincere push to make everything OK. What you need to do is to just be there as RoseMary said. Just do what you’re supposed to do in everyday life. Be the good father. Be the good husband. Take opportunities when they present themselves to talk to her for just a couple of minutes. You’re not going to have a two hour heart-to-heart and at the end everyone’s going to be great. It just does not work that way.

Do small things to be a better father. Take the family out on walks. Take them out to the park. Go set up a sports game for everyone to play with the neighbors. Bring them to brunch after Mass on Sundays. Little things man, baby steps. You can’t put Humpty Dumpty back together with duct tape. You have to glue him back to together slowly and methodically.

You are in good hands with these two, Groo- listen to them- they know their stuff!

The flowers- your instincts are probably right- if so, no more flowers. Woo her with your manliness, not flowers. Flowers mean a lot when they are given under different circumstances- in your case, it might just be seen as an easy way out. You are doing great- do NOT let the devil steal her away from you. Fight to the finish! St. Paul said- “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the Church.” That means martyrdom. Submission is martyrdom too, though- and- If you do that, love her like Christ loves the Church- you can BET that she will find herself suddenly able to submit to you. What an opportunity you have to be the love of Christ for your wife- rejoice in your sufferings for they will bring both of you to heaven if you succeed in your mission!

 

[Groo]

Thanks all; very good advice which I am taking to heart. Things are not as bad as I made them out to be. I think opening up to my wife in my 9th step scared me because I am not used to allowing myself to be that vulnerable. And when I get scared, my instinctive reaction is to push others away.

But opening up hasn’t killed me (not yet anyway) and my wife is talking to me. That is a good sign. I have faith that God will heal our family. He is so good to us.

 

[Saturn5]

Thanks all; very good advice which I am taking to heart. Things are not as bad as I made them out to be. I think opening up to my wife in my 9th step scared me because I am not used to allowing myself to be that vulnerable. And when I get scared, my instinctive reaction is to push others away.

But opening up hasn’t killed me (not yet anyway) and my wife is talking to me. That is a good sign. I have faith that God will heal our family. He is so good to us.

Trusting your spouse to not judge you can be a tremendous obstacle in marriage. I see that with my wife. We are sort of switched from what you traditionally hear, I’m the chatty one and she doesn’t say much.

Place your trust in the Lord first, know He will never fail you or let you down. That’s where I started. Once I realized that, then it made it easier for me to tell my wife things that were difficult to say.

This prayer has helped me tremendously:

Come Holy Spirit and fill my heart with Your gifts.
Let my love be true
and my charity be generous.
Help me in all my needs,
and grant me the knowledge
to do what is right.
Advise me in my doubts,
strengthen me in my weakness,
protect me when I am tempted
and console me when I am afraid.
Graciously hear me, O Holy Spirit,
and pour Your light
into my heart, mind and soul.
Help me to live a holy life
and grow in goodness and grace.

I too was often afraid when all of this started to happen with my wife. Sometimes too hesitant to go forward. But I kept seeing that Christ was trying to lead me to something greater. Keep putting your trust in Him knowing He knows what’s best for all of us. I think that trusting your spouse will eventually become easier as well.

God bless!

 

[The_Bucket]

Thanks all; very good advice which I am taking to heart. Things are not as bad as I made them out to be. I think opening up to my wife in my 9th step scared me because I am not used to allowing myself to be that vulnerable. And when I get scared, my instinctive reaction is to push others away.

But opening up hasn’t killed me (not yet anyway) and my wife is talking to me. That is a good sign. I have faith that God will heal our family. He is so good to us.

Opening up will never kill you. I know where you’re coming from because I thought talking about my own addiction or the sources of it would result in severe judgments from everyone around me and my going into a death spiral. It’s been quite the opposite.

Of course, in real life I don’t go around trumpeting that I’m a recovering porn addict or anything crazy like that. I keep that to my S-group and just talk about a “reversion experience” with my Men’s Scripture group whenever I want to talk about how my life has changed.

There is such a thing as information overload to be sure, so use your best judgment. But your spouse is supposed to be your closest confidant, so treat her that way. The play by play of your internal struggle, however, is probably best left to your confessor and/or S-groups.

 

[kaylynn7800]

It sounds like you are working so hard and profoundly on your marriage. Many of the
things that happened to you happened to me, but I was not lucky enough to save our
connection. I do pray that Almighty God will infuse both of you with a love for your
covenant.

Know that many, many prayers are being said by me for your success.

"In difficult moments, I will fix my gaze upon the silent Heart of Jesus, stretched upon
the cross and from the exploding flames of His merciful Heart will flow down upon me
power and strength to keep fighting.— Saint Faustina Kowalska

kaylynn7800