How to discourage toddler from masturbating?

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My 2.5-year old daughter has figured out that it feels good to press her body up against furniture in a certain way and now she does it all. the. time. She leans against the corners of the coffee table, or her high chair, or straddles people’s legs. If I’m nursing the baby with my legs up on the ottoman she wants to come over and sit on my legs. So far we’ve just called it “sitting” and have tried to gently discourage her by saying stuff like, “Suzy, don’t sit on the table like that. God made your bum for sitting.” Or “We don’t sit on the coffee table.” Or “That’s not good for your pants.” (because for a while she was getting her pants caught on a part of the coffee table and it was ripping holes in her pants).

Is this something she just grows out of? Any words of wisdom from parents who’ve been there?
 
Hearing about this issue almost scared me out of having kids.

However, I do have kids, so I’ve resolved to just treat it like nose picking.

“Don’t do that”/“stop doing that”, and then something else for them to focus on.

I don’t have as much of a problem with it as it sounds like you do, but basically telling them to stop and providing an alternative activity or distraction has worked for us.
 
FrenzyJen said:
Hearing about this issue almost scared me out of having kids.

However, I do have kids, so I’ve resolved to just treat it like nose picking.

“Don’t do that”/“stop doing that”, and then something else for them to focus on.

I don’t have as much of a problem with it as it sounds like you do, but basically telling them to stop and providing an alternative activity or distraction has worked for us.
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Yes.

My kids have gone through stages where it’s a lot then not so much. In my case since I have boys, if I can find something else to put in their hands, that helps. But offering something else, maybe having to sit differently to look at a book, could help.

I try to keep in mind too that there can be other things going on, like discomfort, heat, and itchiness, especially with a diaper. One of my boys tend to grab there when he has to go to the bathroom. “You look uncomfortable. Let’s try to go potty.”
 
Okay so far I just have a boy, and yes he “plays with” his thing sometimes, just like pulling and pinching and weird stuff. I always just tell him that is where his pee comes out and we need to wash our hands after we handle it and then move on, he enjoys washing his hands (see: playing in the water) that it’s forgotten. Also I try and keep undies and pants on him, to restrict access.

It’s a normal thing. If and when DD goes through a phase, I think I will borrow from your ideas and remind her “God gave us a bum for sitting on” and distract her. It sounds like you are doing the right thing, remind her she should not sit on the coffee table and that she should sit on her bum. Distract, distract, distract.

Hope this passes soon! I don’t think it is masturbating at this age. Kids this age are in a very sensory based development stage, they are exploring their world based on feeling, and that feels good.
 
nodito said:
My 2.5-year old daughter has figured out that it feels good to press her body up against furniture in a certain way and now she does it all. the. time. She leans against the corners of the coffee table, or her high chair, or straddles people’s legs. If I’m nursing the baby with my legs up on the ottoman she wants to come over and sit on my legs. So far we’ve just called it “sitting” and have tried to gently discourage her by saying stuff like, “Suzy, don’t sit on the table like that. God made your bum for sitting.” Or “We don’t sit on the coffee table.” Or “That’s not good for your pants.” (because for a while she was getting her pants caught on a part of the coffee table and it was ripping holes in her pants).

Is this something she just grows out of? Any words of wisdom from parents who’ve been there?
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It’s not masturbating. Let’s just not use that word because it implies a sin which is not present here. It is common for young children to discover that it feels good to rub or scratch those sensitive parts against things.

The approach I would take here is to consistently tell her that it’s not “ladylike” to run or touch that part of her body against things. Even this early, give her an impression that that part of the body is important and private, and it is appropriate to not touch it unnecessarily.

I would AVOID making up reasons that are not real, such as “That’s not good for your pants.” That’s not a true reason, and keeps the child unnecessarily ignorant of common propriety.

Don’t be afraid to address the problem head-on. You don’t need to have a full-on “birds and the bees” conversation (she’s a 2-year old!) but that doesn’t mean you can’t start inculcating an understanding of the sacredness of human sexuality, in little ways.
 
It wouldn’t hurt to have her checked by her pediatrician. Little girls can get UTI’s, or yeast infections or even be sensitive to soap or body wash.
 
Yeah, this is not masturbation in the sense that adults do it. My folks always just nudged my brother and told him that wasn’t appropriate. He got the message soon enough.
 
I would treat it like any other socially unacceptable behavior that is not a sin for a kid to do. Nose picking, stripping off clothes in front of others, picking at one’s bottom, and rubbing the genitals are all very socially unacceptable, despite the fact that we assign no blame for sin to the young child.

How one addresses it would necessarily depend upon one’s own parenting style. It should be consistent with your parenting strategies in other areas, like those I describe above. I hesitate to say how I personally would handle it because my parenting style would likely be different from yours, because every family is different. The most important thing is that you DO address it, and that you are consistent with your parenting in other areas of socially unacceptable behavior.

I have only heard a few stories about children who are incorrigible in this behavior, and in those circumstances, it became an issue of rebellion and spite against the parent. Most children learn when their parents say not to do it, that they must not do it, and they move on just like with other bad habits.
 
dshix said:
I would AVOID making up reasons that are not real, such as “That’s not good for your pants.” That’s not a true reason, and keeps the child unnecessarily ignorant of common propriety.
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The thing is, it IS a real reason. She’s ruined so many pants this year by leaning against something sharp and tearing a hole in them!
 
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