How to explain "adultery" to a 7 year old

[Joe_5859]

Hi all,

My daughter is in second grade (homeschooled) and currently studying the Ten Commandments (which makes sense as it is laying the groundwork for the Sacrament of Confession which she’ll receive for the first time in the spring).

When going through them yesterday, though, she asked what “adultery” was (and also what it means to “covet your neighbor’s wife”) and I confess my wife and I were both a bit stumped as to how to explain it in an age appropriate way.

I can think of ways to explain it so that she would understand (like Daddy having a baby with someone else’s mommy), but I’m trying not to traumatize her with thoughts she would otherwise never think at this age.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be great!

 

[Xantippe]

I think the “covet” part is pretty easy to get across without inappropriate language, as coveting is something that a 7-year-old girl would understand.

 

[Joe_5859]

I think the “covet” part is pretty easy to get across without inappropriate language, as coveting is something that a 7-year-old girl would understand.

True. As for the “adultery”, I know we can always fall back on the “we’ll tell you when you’re older” line. But I try to use that only when necessary, not just when I’m tongue-tied. But maybe it is necessary in this case.

 

[1ke]

These commandment tell the children that they need to keep themselves pure, that is clean, in body (6th) and mind (9th).

They can do this by not reading books, watching television shows, or going to movies which give them bad examples. They should not read questionable books, or see shows without their parents consent.

I respect my body and that of others, because God lives there. We respect our sisters and brothers and friends’ privacy when they are changing, and have respect for our own body.

For adults, this means in marriage God unites a man and a woman to love each other forever, as well as to receive and love their children if He sends babies to them.

The virtues of purity, modesty, and respect, and the lesson on dignity from our diocesan website are excellent companions to teaching these commandments:

dioceseoflacrosse.com/ministry_resources/catechesis/

 

[1ke]

True. As for the “adultery”, I know we can always fall back on the “we’ll tell you when you’re older” line. But I try to use that only when necessary, not just when I’m tongue-tied. But maybe it is necessary in this case.

The commandments apply to all of us. The sixth commandment is about chastity and proper integration and ordering of our sexuality. Chastity applies to all people, in all states of life.

During the latency period of childhood, we should not discuss sex but should discuss modesty, purity, respect, and dignity.

 

[CradleJourney]

Hi all,

My daughter is in second grade (homeschooled) and currently studying the Ten Commandments (which makes sense as it is laying the groundwork for the Sacrament of Confession which she’ll receive for the first time in the spring).

When going through them yesterday, though, she asked what “adultery” was (and also what it means to “covet your neighbor’s wife”) and I confess my wife and I were both a bit stumped as to how to explain it in an age appropriate way.

I can think of ways to explain it so that she would understand (like Daddy having a baby with someone else’s mommy), but I’m trying not to traumatize her with thoughts she would otherwise never think at this age.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut would be great!

What I would say:

Adultery is when a grown-up man or woman decides to break their marriage promise and start acting like the husband or wife of someone they are not married to. (In our house we’d say “being all lovey-dovey” but you can word it however you term being “cozy” with your spouse.)

Then I’d tell her:

For you right now, following this commandment means being respectful of your own body - since you’re not grown up yet - taking care of it, keeping your private parts private, etc.

At that age it’s usually all about the mechanics (be careful not to say “kissing someone you’re not married to” or else you’re going to be accused of adultery if you kiss Grandma! LOL!). So give the basic concept, then let her know how it applies to her right now in the form of modesty and self-care, and you should be fine.

 

[Joe_5859]

These commandment tell the children that they need to keep themselves pure, that is clean, in body (6th) and mind (9th).

They can do this by not reading books, watching television shows, or going to movies which give them bad examples. They should not read questionable books, or see shows without their parents consent.

I respect my body and that of others, because God lives there. We respect our sisters and brothers and friends’ privacy when they are changing, and have respect for our own body.

For adults, this means in marriage God unites a man and a woman to love each other forever, as well as to receive and love their children if He sends babies to them.

The virtues of purity, modesty, and respect, and the lesson on dignity from our diocesan website are excellent companions to teaching these commandments:

dioceseoflacrosse.com/ministry_resources/catechesis/

Thanks. That is very helpful!

 

[rcwitness]

I would substitute “sex” with “kiss” or “special love”

For example, adultery is when a mommy or daddy give the special love only meant for each other to another man or woman. Or if a mommy or daddy kisses another person.

 

[Weejee]

What I would say:

Adultery is when a grown-up man or woman decides to break their marriage promise and start acting like the husband or wife of someone they are not married to. (In our house we’d say “being all lovey-dovey” but you can word it however you term being “cozy” with your spouse.)

Then I’d tell her:

For you right now, following this commandment means being respectful of your own body - since you’re not grown up yet - taking care of it, keeping your private parts private, etc.

At that age it’s usually all about the mechanics (be careful not to say “kissing someone you’re not married to” or else you’re going to be accused of adultery if you kiss Grandma! LOL!). So give the basic concept, then let her know how it applies to her right now in the form of modesty and self-care, and you should be fine.

Good explanation. I think a seven year old can grasp that.

 

[Joe_5859]

What I would say:

Adultery is when a grown-up man or woman decides to break their marriage promise and start acting like the husband or wife of someone they are not married to. (In our house we’d say “being all lovey-dovey” but you can word it however you term being “cozy” with your spouse.)

Then I’d tell her:

For you right now, following this commandment means being respectful of your own body - since you’re not grown up yet - taking care of it, keeping your private parts private, etc.

At that age it’s usually all about the mechanics (be careful not to say “kissing someone you’re not married to” or else you’re going to be accused of adultery if you kiss Grandma! LOL!). So give the basic concept, then let her know how it applies to her right now in the form of modesty and self-care, and you should be fine.

I had that same thought about kissing someone you’re not married to and then immediately realized that could be misconstrued.

I thought of explaining it as breaking up a marriage and/or acting like a husband with someone else’s wife. But I’m afraid of putting thoughts in her head that otherwise wouldn’t come across it. My daughter has no concept of divorce. Though there are plenty of examples of it in my extended family, we don’t see them that often and most of that occurred before she was born. It hasn’t been something she has encountered. I hate to put the thought in her head that some mommies and daddies do not stay together. I know she’s going to run into it sooner or later, but I’d rather it be later.

I like the talk about respect and privacy. That sounds like a good way to go.

 

[TarkanAttila]

In addition to the excellent comments so far, regarding sexual chastity:

Thou shalt not commit adultery, and not to covet, is a call not to use other people - either as a means towards an end, or even in and of themselves. It is good to have friends. But ultimately all people - people you work with, people you buy things from, even people whom you are friends or even boy or girlfriends with - are there because all of you are made to lead each other to God, and to His will for you - happiness, love, truth, and beauty.

So while not strictly, using other people - either to get your homework done for you, or to cheat on a test, or as a ticket to somewhere you really want to go - or even choosing them over God is breaking this commandment.

Whereas enjoying the company of other people, enjoying what makes a person good, the good things a person has, and thanking God for them and thanking the person for them, and being of yourself a good person and sharing what you have and what God has in you with others - this is keeping the commandment.

 

[MJJean]

I’d go with plain and simple if you can get away with it. I know some kids want more detail, but when mine were young I could get away with bare bones for a bit before they broke out the bright light and interrogation chair.

If I had a child that was as sheltered (not criticizing, just couldn’t think of a better word) I’d say something like “When people marry each other they make special promises to their spouse and to God. Adultery is when a person breaks their promise.”

 

[Beryllos]

The approach I took with my kids at that age was, as CradleJourney wrote, to talk about marriage vows. We promise to have a special relationship with only one person, our spouse, for as long as we both live. I think I also connected it to the special and sacred nature of the family: one father and one mother who love and care for their children and each other in a special way. Kids understand that. Adultery then can be explained as breaking that marriage promise, with the consequence of disrupting the family order.

 

[FreeEver]

Joe

Just out of curiosity, why not ask your local pastor (Catholic priest) for guidance on this question? Also, what about checking with a Catholic elementary school in your area or state on how they address this question?

I went to a Catholic school back in Michigan, (grades 1 -12), and honestly can’t recall how this was presented by the nuns.

Peace to all and God Bless.

 

[bingbell484]

This reminds me of a funny story. I have an uncle who, many years ago, at 7 years old and a student at his local parish school, was taught the ten commandments and was prepping for his first confession. Apparently he had played a little kissy face with a little girl.
He went into his first confession and confessed the sin of adultery.

I can only imagine what the priest thought when that happened.

 

[Joe_5859]

Thank you all for the additional ideas. This is exactly what I was hoping for. The CAF community comes through again.

 

[Joe_5859]

Joe

Just out of curiosity, why not ask your local pastor (Catholic priest) for guidance on this question? Also, what about checking with a Catholic elementary school in your area or state on how they address this question?

I went to a Catholic school back in Michigan, (grades 1 -12), and honestly can’t recall how this was presented by the nuns.

Peace to all and God Bless.

I prefer not to bother my priest with every little question. Besides, if I asked him, he’d probably tell me that he’d expect to come to me to answer that question for him.

I figured this would be an easy enough question for those on CAF to help me along with and I was right. For some reason, I was just running into a mental wall and needed a little nudge to get over it.

 

[Joe_5859]

This reminds me of a funny story. I have an uncle who, many years ago, at 7 years old and a student at his local parish school, was taught the ten commandments and was prepping for his first confession. Apparently he had played a little kissy face with a little girl.
He went into his first confession and confessed the sin of adultery.

I can only imagine what the priest thought when that happened.

That is a funny story!

 

[1ke]

I prefer not to bother my priest with every little question. Besides, if I asked him, he’d probably tell me that he’d expect to come to me to answer that question for him.

I figured this would be an easy enough question for those on CAF to help me along with and I was right. For some reason, I was just running into a mental wall and needed a little nudge to get over it.

I can also recommend the information on chastity education from my diocesan catechesis website.

dioceseoflacrosse.com/ministry_resources/catechesis/chastity.htm

I particularly recommend you read the Vatican document The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality.

 

[styrgwillidar]

I’m hoping that your child is learning the entirety of the commandment, and it isn’t just be summarized as ‘Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife’

That is they have been presented the entire commandment:
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

It is easier to teach to a child in the context of the whole commandment. We should not be jealous of what our neighbor has, the things they’ve earned and desire to take them for ourselves. It’s ok to want the same kinds of things as our neighbor, but not wanting to take from them and deprive them of their rightful things.

As for adultery, I think you could phrase at as a betrayal in marriage. That when two people get married they make promises before God and to each other to do certain things. Adultery is betraying that vow, breaking that promise to God and our partner.